My medicine name is Eagle Childe Buffalospirit, Magenta Childe of Light, sacred white buffalo robe robe colors magenta, yellow, aqua and gray. I am to humanity, a messenger- a servant, protector and advocate to women and children and those most vulnerable in our society.
This story you are about to read, is my written work that is based entirely on the factual account of what I call my "medicine story", because it is the story of how I found illumination and healing through spiritual exploration. It is fully based on my life and paths to the spiritual understandings I have reached in my life through direct experience. I do not write to convert or convince but to inspire your own self discovery through spiritual pursuit.
Eagle Childe Buffalospirit – called a "Rainbow Warrior" by Chief Michael Leach of Lilloet and a messenger bearing spiritual numerology from the Archangel Michael, i am one no greater or wiser than any of you or even a mouse or an ant, but an equal as we are all truly eagle children- Starseeds born to this earth with equal purpose and power and imbued with many gifts if we so choose to answer our own unique highest calling. My gift seeks for individuals to pursue their own highest callings.
Image Below from Fourmilabs YourSky online which allows one to reverse time to see the skies and horizon the moment they were born.
This is My Sky @ 2:05pm obscurred during a torrential downpour of rain and snow on May 04, 1981
Many Conjunctions with the Sun, Mars and Venus with a brand new moon underneath the messenger Mercury
My gift is for the glory of God which to me is unconditional Love and spawns all streams of color and light and life through all space and all time. My gift seeks not to self aggrandize/promote as anything but an equal to any and every as we all have soul, we all share the breath of the cosmos and in it, we all emobody Holy Spirit and extend from God.
My gift is also to sacrifice the appearance of sanity as judged by the masses and the status quo of western/worldy expectations of material pursuits and ego driven elevation of social status so that this story may be told and inspire the humble, willing and worthy to take up their own individual spiritual pursuits to find their highest paths. All are worthy to "enter the house of God" but there is only one way and that door is through one's own sacred heart, through the mirrors of reflection to the seat of the soul to workout that the true whole and complete book of life (which exists as fragments through the bible, torah, vedas & koran) is literally entirely written within each one of us as part of our original blueprint. All of the answers to every question, all of the wisdom of all human history is at the root of our DNA and through self discovery and exploration aligned with the highest will, one can navigate their own jacob's ladder of evolution to ascend to their birthright in the stars.
My gift seeks to inspire individuals to task themselves to pursue their own personal spiritual development and to break away from the limiting confines of contrived modern fear/suffering/punishment based religion that is much based in historical lies and was designed more as a means of political control than anything. Organized religion puts us in a small box and can disempower individuals from being Divinely led by Spirit to the philosophical and scientific things which they individually need to learn for their best success. Because the fear of straying from the so called "way" is so immense for so many, many settle for a life of contrived spirituality that keeps us as sheep rather than allowing the potter to shape us clay into good shepherds. My gift seeks to inspire individuals to be their own spiritual mediators and have personal relationships with their own God in their own way. All things lean towards the sun. All paths lead home.
June 4th to 7th 2015, marked the 7th anniversary of the Lilloet International Indigenous Leadership gathering. I was made aware of this gathering several years prior, due to whisperings in the wind from various people I had met who had attended; People who said it was a wonderful place to learn traditional indigenous teachings and experience true healing ceremony. I had wanted to attend in prior years but as it stood, life circumstance did not permit until this particular gathering. I also found, concluding this weekend that it was in Divine timing as I would not have been ready for the things that I experienced there.
Nearing the days prior to the gathering I was considering which of my own spiritual tools to bring to the ceremony. I have honoured the ways of the red road, listening to Creator and Great Spirit to the best of my ability, without having had much in the way of earthly teachers or guides, besides the spiritual insights that have come through studying various religions, as well as the messages and experiences that have come mystically through my life.
I was uncertain which tools to bring because I did not want to offend anyone but I wanted to bring some because they are important to me in my medicine path and I was also seeking elders to teach me more about these tools as they came to me in mysterious ways that I was seeking answers about. I chose to bring my walking stick to the gathering which had been called a staff by some at different times, though I did not know the meaning or purpose of a “Staff”.
At one early point during ceremony, a respected Elder speaker named Christine Jack spoke of ceremony with her elders that involved the use of their “staffs” in prayer. When she spoke these words I was covered with chills and knew she was who I should ask. I approached her with a gift of some raccoon fur, which is good medicine for releasing unhealthy attachments and told her I was guided because of her message about the “Staff”. I asked her if I may tell her my story and she said yes. I will now share the story of how I came to acquire it, as I shared with Elder Christine Jack at the gathering.
Nearing the beginning of my red road journey in 2006, when I had started learning and questioning animal totems and spirit guides I had taken a camping trip to Bear Lake in the Okanagan. One early morning of this trip, I was walking along the beach in meditation and then noticed a dragonfly out in the water drowning. In my heart I felt so sad and wanted to save it. It was too far out in the water to reach and the water was icy cold as there was frost on the tent that morning. I had slept with a fire rock wrapped in a towel, shivering to keep warm. I was considering wading out into the water but realized that jeopardizing my own survival for the sake of one dragonfly did not make very much sense.
I was so sad for the dragonfly, as these creatures are ones since childhood that I have always been drawn to and loved and admired for their majestic way of being, seeming to model so much grace, agility and beauty. I stared at the drowning dragonfly and started to think about how Creator has a purpose and plan for everything. I thought of the fish and birds that eat them and how everything in the great circle of life is connected, nothing happening or existing independently from anything else. I felt foolish, loving like a child, wanting to “save” even the smallest creatures from the doom and gloom of death and dying. I realized in my adult heart, that yes, death can be sad but it is also beautiful and necessary as being part of this whole life cycle and process.
As one thing is dying or destroyed, it opens new doors for new beginnings or continuity of other lives. I left the dragonfly with a prayer, wishing to Creator and Great Spirit to do their will and agreed to myself, being willing to accept whatever the choice, knowing that all is in Divine time and part of the greater plan.
I left the dragonfly and continued on down the beach. Shortly thereafter I found an area where the waters had come up and made a lagoon, blocked by a pile of large driftwood logs that made a natural bridge and a dam. I walked across this natural bridge and looked down into the crystal clear pool and noticed all of the life living within this one little pool. I got down on my knees and leaned in, staring into the waters, watching the skeeter bugs and water spiders and tadpoles and all sorts of other tiny creatures swimming around together. I was in awe and mesmerized at how every tiny thing was connected and how these beings were living in their own world, wondering if they were aware of the bigger picture of this great circle of life that they are part of. Suddenly, to my left, the
CRAWWWWWWW of a Raven bellowed out in my direction!!!
Startled, pulled out of the world of the watery pool, I turned abruptly to see what the raucous was about. About 15 feet away and very large Raven sat on the top of a bucked off tree stump in the water. It stared at me and I stared at it. I projected my thoughts towards it, saying, "Hey Raven, what is your message?" I did not hear any answer. I did not feel any answer in my heart, we only stared at each other. Again I sent the message to the Raven asking, “What is your message?”
Again I did not hear anything and considered that it was crazy I was trying to communicate with animals with my mind. I was annoyed at myself, feeling foolish and turned my gaze away from the Raven to look back into the water world beneath me and that was when I saw it! “Oh MY God!” I thought, as I clearly saw the unmistaken shape of what looked like a ravens head in the top of the end of driftwood stick poking out of the driftwood log pile. I looked back at the Raven who was still sitting on his stump, staring at me. I excitedly looked back at the top of the stick wondering, “WHAT is that?!”
I grabbed onto the head of it and pulled. It was quite stuck and I felt a little like the boy Arthur, attempting to release the sword from the stone. I pulled harder and slowly, out started to come, this long wooden stick. I pulled some more and released what was clearly a most amazing walking stick for me. [photos below] I was overjoyed, exclaimed out loud, “Thank You!!” to the Raven as he was the one who distracted me long enough to pull my head out of the water world in order to see it in front of me. Had I not been given this distraction, I likely would not have seen the stick poking out of the wood pile, as I was so entirely immersed at the life happening within this pool of water. I stood, standing this stick with the carved head on top, looking like it had been sitting in the waters, aging for a very long time. I was mystified! And then suddenly, I remembered the dragonfly.
The dragonfly! The stick! Putting the two thoughts together, I realized that perhaps this stick was long enough to lift the dragonfly from out in the water. I ran back to the spot where the dragonfly was originally struggling and was now floating, to see that it was no longer struggling in the water. It floated there, lifeless. I thought, “Oh no, I am too late!”
I reached the end of the stick, which is about 5 feet long, out into the lake, having to step into the shoreline into the icy water, but to my amazement, the stuck was JUST long enough to reach out to it. I scooped the dragonfly up onto the head of the stick and brought it to my face. Its eyes were bright round spheres, glowing luminescent rainbow sheens, reflecting the light of the morning sun. It was not moving. I stared at it, wishing for life to return and then sure as the sun rises each morning, I saw movement in the wings. It started just a little at first but then with more life, vibrating its wings, trying to dry them off. I stared into this dragonfly’s eyes, asking it in my mind, “What is YOUR message?”
As immediately as the thought was finished, almost as if its own thoughts were attached to mine, the clear thought in my mind was, “Tread Lightly”. As I watched the wings of this creature shimmy and shake, the sun drying it as it sat on my stick I considered this message, “Tread Lightly”.
I thought of the creatures in the pond, tiny, unnoticeable unless one bends down on knee to see the world beneath them. I thought of the plants and tiny things that could be trampled carelessly in one’s path, never noticing the intricate webs of life all around, hustling and bustling, hurried at a city pace. I thought about the times in my life that I had lived unconsciously, not treading so lightly, leaving heavy footprints and sometimes marring others in the wake of coming carelessly skidding in sideways along my path. I considered this message, “tread lightly” very deeply and saw how even small steps could make big impacts, some of which cannot be mended so easily.
The dragonfly’s wings were vibrating rapidly like a hummingbird at this point and I was astounded how this creature had miraculously come back to life after being what I thought, was going to be sure to be sacrificed for the food of some other creature. Instead, it became the answer to a prayer that happened right before my eyes in the most mystical and astounding way. Then just like that, the dragonfly cocked its head sideways, lifted one of its front legs for a solid second, as if to salute me, and then zipped away, flying out over the lake. I watched it fly off into the sun, out over the lake, an absolute miracle and I stood considering everything I had just experienced, including the message left with me by the dragonfly. TREAD LIGHTLY.
Getting back to now time, 2015, In recent months, I had paired the walking stick with a fox fur during the process of working with a wise owl that came to me at a time of great change in my life on October 26, 2014.
It was clear after this experience over months with the owl that the two, the stick and the fur, were to be together. The fox fur, I had acquired in 2009 from a fashionista who was trying to sell it to an expensive fashion store. I pleaded with her, saying that these animals were killed only for their furs and this is not the right way of honouring these sacred lives. I told her that it was wrong to murder, especially for the sake of fashion and that these animals are to be loved and respected, cherished for their spirit and teachings, not their material value. She argued with me that she did not care and needed the money. I was frustrated by her lack of understanding about contributing to the slaughter of animals for fashion so instead of getting angry, I told her that if she could in good conscience, justify murder for the sake of money, that I felt sad for her and that I would give her double the money that she was asking from the store for this fur, even though I had very little money myself.
She suddenly showed remorse and said she was sorry. She then handed me the fur and told me she wanted me to just have it and honour it's life. I urged her to take my money for it but she adamantly refused and said it was just better if I took it from her. I thanked her and promised to honour it properly. I have spent many nights through many years, sleeping with it, cuddling it, caressing it, thanking it for its life and sacrifice, sharing pieces of its fur with the teachings with people who have asked about it, apologizing to it and Creator for the way it was killed and dishonoured and seeking to create harmony with its spirit and part of that process was pairing it with the Raven Staff shortly before I started writing the experiences of my medicine path for this book.
After sharing this story with the elder Christine Jack at the 7th Annual International Indigenous Leadership Gathering in 2015, I asked her, “What do you think?” She told me that I was to carry this staff in my left hand, and it was not to sit in my room or closet anymore collecting dust, that I was to walk with it. She also said that when I find a raven feather that I am to take the feather and the staff to the water and make an offering, say prayers and consecrate the two together in ceremony never to be parted from each other. She said that the difference between a stick and a staff is spiritual purpose and that Creator would guide me. I thanked her for this teaching and gave her blessings for her journey as she was about to head back up the mountain to continue her Spirit path.
After this experience, I was still shy to carry it, not knowing if I would cause offence to my elders or invite negative attention my way but I did carry it because it felt right, because I had brought it to the gathering because it is special to me in terms of affirming my medicine path, because to me it holds the magic of the experience.
She suddenly showed remorse and said she was sorry. She then handed me the fur and told me she wanted me to just have it and honour it's life. I urged her to take my money for it but she adamantly refused and said it was just better if I took it from her. I thanked her and promised to honour it properly. I have spent many nights through many years, sleeping with it, cuddling it, caressing it, thanking it for its life and sacrifice, sharing pieces of its fur with the teachings with people who have asked about it, apologizing to it and Creator for the way it was killed and dishonoured and seeking to create harmony with its spirit and part of that process was pairing it with the Raven Staff shortly before I started writing the experiences of my medicine path for this book.
After sharing this story with the elder Christine Jack at the 7th Annual International Indigenous Leadership Gathering in 2015, I asked her, “What do you think?” She told me that I was to carry this staff in my left hand, and it was not to sit in my room or closet anymore collecting dust, that I was to walk with it. She also said that when I find a raven feather that I am to take the feather and the staff to the water and make an offering, say prayers and consecrate the two together in ceremony never to be parted from each other. She said that the difference between a stick and a staff is spiritual purpose and that Creator would guide me. I thanked her for this teaching and gave her blessings for her journey as she was about to head back up the mountain to continue her Spirit path.
After this experience, I was still shy to carry it, not knowing if I would cause offence to my elders or invite negative attention my way but I did carry it because it felt right, because I had brought it to the gathering because it is special to me in terms of affirming my medicine path, because to me it holds the magic of the experience.
I brought it to learn more and through this process, I realized that carrying it did invite negative and other types of attention towards me. I was stopped several times due to people taking pity on the animal, asking if I had killed it, judgement in their eyes. One person said that it was scary to them. I had not intended to offend anyone, truly I was seeking guidance and in this process realized that this Staff and the Fox were there to give guidance to others.
Several times when questioned about it, I told the story of how I acquired the stick and the fur and how they became paired together and each time I did this, the attitudes of the people who were originally judging me negatively changed because of the words and teachings that came out of my mouth as I shared the story of the process of honouring the red road of the earth path, my spirit path and these medicines.
I realized that for as much as I was seeking to be taught by my elders, there were others who were seeking to be taught by me. I realized this was a great responsibility and in the process of helping at the gathering and partaking in different ceremonies I left the staff back at camp several times, unsure if I was really ready for the responsibility.
During the peace pipe carrier’s ceremonies I watched in awe as these medicine men and women setup their medicines around the medicine wheel in the centre of the arbour, pulling spiritual tools from old suitcases and carved boxes that looked very much like my own old suitcase full of tools and carved boxes I have been given, collected and built over the years. I started to cry, realizing all those years I spent shutting my tools in these boxes for fear of judgment and being locked up and labelled "crazy", were years I walked with little faith in the lessons and understandings the Creator brought to me through various guides and journeys, years I had held back my own spiritual development and understanding.
I wept in remorse for ignoring many calls to this path, realizing that the intuitions and experiences I had over the years that were brushed off and shunned by my own people, were common practice here. Also in the ceremony, I sat watching and I realized that it was these medicines and teachings that had come to me over the years that had the hugest impact on my own personal growth and healing, helping me to find balance. I realized the times when I had shut them away because of fear and judgement were the times my path wavered between the red and the black road. I realized that hiding these things away and trying to deny them was a large contributor to the slowing of my awakening and the reason why at many points I struggled to find healing. I realized that these medicines and my practice of them was one of the most important gifts that Creator had given me for my own progression into a life of balance and restoration from the trauma, anger and pain of my childhood.
I wept and wept feeling a combination of grief and remorse as well as relief and rejoice. I stood up and went back to camp and retrieved my staff and walked back to the arbour with it. I felt compelled to walk with it around the arbour, carrying two goose feathers that I had paired together years before and recently added wrapping and deer bone I had found in the forest, bringing them to the gathering for the purpose of prayers for a friend who was struggling with crack addiction in Vancouver. I had intentionally brought them to this gathering in an attempt to send healing to her during the ceremonies that took place. I walked clockwise around the arbour fanning the feathers, directing the prayers and medicines to the sky to be carried to Creator on the winds and wings of Great Spirit.
I made it about 2/3rd of the way around when I was stopped by the volunteer coordinator and a man carrying an enormous jug. I was asked to serve water to the elders and pipe carriers during this ceremony. I felt so humbled and grateful and honoured to do this as wanting to give back in gratitude for all I had been spiritually given at this gathering and in my life.
I decided to rest my Staff against a pole of the arbour, put a hanging drum bag over top of it to feel that it was secure. It felt secure and I was sure it would not fall and in haste, I went and gave water.
During the peace pipe carrier’s ceremonies I watched in awe as these medicine men and women setup their medicines around the medicine wheel in the centre of the arbour, pulling spiritual tools from old suitcases and carved boxes that looked very much like my own old suitcase full of tools and carved boxes I have been given, collected and built over the years. I started to cry, realizing all those years I spent shutting my tools in these boxes for fear of judgment and being locked up and labelled "crazy", were years I walked with little faith in the lessons and understandings the Creator brought to me through various guides and journeys, years I had held back my own spiritual development and understanding.
I wept in remorse for ignoring many calls to this path, realizing that the intuitions and experiences I had over the years that were brushed off and shunned by my own people, were common practice here. Also in the ceremony, I sat watching and I realized that it was these medicines and teachings that had come to me over the years that had the hugest impact on my own personal growth and healing, helping me to find balance. I realized the times when I had shut them away because of fear and judgement were the times my path wavered between the red and the black road. I realized that hiding these things away and trying to deny them was a large contributor to the slowing of my awakening and the reason why at many points I struggled to find healing. I realized that these medicines and my practice of them was one of the most important gifts that Creator had given me for my own progression into a life of balance and restoration from the trauma, anger and pain of my childhood.
I wept and wept feeling a combination of grief and remorse as well as relief and rejoice. I stood up and went back to camp and retrieved my staff and walked back to the arbour with it. I felt compelled to walk with it around the arbour, carrying two goose feathers that I had paired together years before and recently added wrapping and deer bone I had found in the forest, bringing them to the gathering for the purpose of prayers for a friend who was struggling with crack addiction in Vancouver. I had intentionally brought them to this gathering in an attempt to send healing to her during the ceremonies that took place. I walked clockwise around the arbour fanning the feathers, directing the prayers and medicines to the sky to be carried to Creator on the winds and wings of Great Spirit.
I made it about 2/3rd of the way around when I was stopped by the volunteer coordinator and a man carrying an enormous jug. I was asked to serve water to the elders and pipe carriers during this ceremony. I felt so humbled and grateful and honoured to do this as wanting to give back in gratitude for all I had been spiritually given at this gathering and in my life.
I decided to rest my Staff against a pole of the arbour, put a hanging drum bag over top of it to feel that it was secure. It felt secure and I was sure it would not fall and in haste, I went and gave water.
What an incredible experience to be in service, a way I have lived consciously in for many years, working with children, and elders, people with disabilities etc. What a humbling experience to know one is doing Creator’s work, serving those who also serve others, paying it forward, contributing to the reciprocity of this universe.
After the ceremony was over, I went back to retrieve my staff from its resting place on the arbour pole, and found to my surprise and at first dismay, the feathers on it were gone! I was feeling frantic, asked those sitting around if they knew what happened to my feathers, exclaimed that they were important and tied to the prayers of someone struggling with addiction.
An elder Grandmother leaned to me and said that my staff had fallen and the feathers fell off of it. She said it had hit someone when it fell. I felt terrible! How irresponsible of me to leave it there, and how horrible something that was important and had a magic story that was supposed to bring wisdom and good things had fallen and done something terrible because I was careless with my placing of it. I expressed deep apology and then a man turned in his chair and held up the paired feathers and asked if these were my feathers. Relieved I said YES! And then he said to me that the staff fell and hit him in the leg and the feathers fell off of it.
After the ceremony was over, I went back to retrieve my staff from its resting place on the arbour pole, and found to my surprise and at first dismay, the feathers on it were gone! I was feeling frantic, asked those sitting around if they knew what happened to my feathers, exclaimed that they were important and tied to the prayers of someone struggling with addiction.
An elder Grandmother leaned to me and said that my staff had fallen and the feathers fell off of it. She said it had hit someone when it fell. I felt terrible! How irresponsible of me to leave it there, and how horrible something that was important and had a magic story that was supposed to bring wisdom and good things had fallen and done something terrible because I was careless with my placing of it. I expressed deep apology and then a man turned in his chair and held up the paired feathers and asked if these were my feathers. Relieved I said YES! And then he said to me that the staff fell and hit him in the leg and the feathers fell off of it.
I apologized profusely and then he told me that seeing as how the feathers fell to him, he could keep them if he wanted to. I told him he was more than welcome to keep them as I respect the tradition and consequence, but I also mentioned that if he chose to keep those feathers he would be responsible for the continual prayers for the person struggling with addiction that they are attached to. He smiled and handed them back to me.
I hugged him and apologized again telling him I had thought the position was secure and thanked him for giving them back, telling him I would be more responsible from now on. The elder Grandmother that had seen the staff fall turned to me and said she had teachings about feathers falling if I came to see her later. I hugged her and thanked her as well and went back to camp.
Back at camp I told my camp mates about what had happened and then while walking had pointed the man my staff hit. My partner said, “Oh Wow, that is the Visionary, the Chief that had the original vision that brought this gathering into being.” I had no idea of this and wondered how I could be so foolish and irresponsible, worried I had made poor relations without even meaning or intending to. I planned to speak with him again but it did not happen until the very end, during closing ceremony on the Sunday.
The next day after the Women’s morning sweat, I saw the elder Grandmother who offered me teachings after my staff and feathers fell, standing by the fire alone. I approached her and said, "Grandmother, you mentioned teachings about the feathers falling? She told me there was someone better for me to ask. She pointed out the Grandmother Red Hawk Woman and told me to bring tobacco and that would be a sign of respect and giving, before asking a question. I went to her and did this, and she said, "If I do not take the tobacco from you, I do not have the right answer. Do not be saddened as there is someone better here for you to ask."
She did not take the tobacco and instead walked with me over to Grandmother Malihatkwa who was standing at the other fire and told me to offer the tobacco the same way. I did this and she accepted and asked me what my question was. I told her my staff had fallen and the feathers attached to it fell and hit the ground and then I asked her what it means. She said to me, “feathers are one with the sky, they are meant to fly. Feathers falling mean that someone is going to die”
I started crying, afraid for my friend, and then almost started to blabber on about who the feathers were attached to, but Grandmother Malihatkwa stopped me and said SHHHHH STOP. She instructed me to go and get the staff and the feathers and to cover them up and bring them back to her at the sweat lodge. I went and did so and brought them back together. I sat with her and she told me not to worry. She gave me some tobacco and told me to go and say prayers and bury the tobacco with the prayers and to have faith.
She said they would cleanse my staff and leave it for me at the sweat lodge for me to come and pickup later. I thanked her and left, going into the forest to say prayers for my friend and give thanks for the teachings I had been given.
Later I went back to pickup my staff and found it laid across the Grandfather rocks of the sweat lodge, covered with the cloth I had wrapped it in. I did not uncover it but went to bring it back to camp. I walked about 10 feet away from the lodge and was met by the man I had helped serve water with. He told me that he had a gift for me that Great Spirit compelled him to give and handed me a beautiful medicine bag made of rabbit fur. He told me he had been learning the medicine of the Grandmothers and he wanted me to have it.
I took a peek inside and was overjoyed to find rose petals! Before the gathering I had been compelled to make homemade rosewater for the first time. I prayed over this rosewater and smudged it with sage and sweet grass and left it over the full moon to sit with my healing crystals with the intention of charging it with good healing. When I arrived at the gathering it was announced that a dear elder had just passed at that moment and the family was stricken by grief. I knew at that moment that the rosewater was for them so I gave it to be given to their Chief and when I peeked inside this medicine bag (which was not given to me with any knowledge of the gift I had originally given upon arriving to the gathering)
I was overjoyed to see the rose petals as they were a clear confirmation that the inspiration for this rosewater was divine and truly, good medicine for the people. I had carried a medicine bag for many years that contained various things I had been given and collected but when I went to Mexico in 2013 I left it on the beach with my shoes and clothes, not knowing while I was swimming the tide was coming in. When I returned from the water I found the ocean had taken my medicine bag and felt much remorse and guilt for leaving it where I did. I wondered if my medicine was being taken from me because I did not deserve it, because I had been careless and it hit me really deeply wondering the meaning and purpose of this. Not long after the ocean took my medicine bag, in conversation with a medicine man, I shared this experience and he told me that the bag was taken because the ocean needed the medicine and not to worry.
He told me that when I had made a full and complete commitment to the red road medicine path, a medicine bag would be gifted to me. I had been waiting for this bag since 2013 and wondering if his prophetic wisdom would come to pass. This moment with a new medicine bag around my neck confirmed much for me. As I walked back to my camp after these experiences considering the implications, I crossed paths again with the first Grandmother that watched my feathers fall. I approached her and gave her a big hug and gratitude and some tobacco and then she told me, “You are going to be given a lot more responsibility now, you are one of us.”
I went back to camp to think about everything I had just experienced, awe struck, mind blown, almost in disbelief but moreso in affirmed faith that the pieces were all coming together and the whole picture was FINALLY making sense. The following day during the closing ceremonies, I saw the man my staff fell from the arbour and hit, the man who I had now learned was Chief Michael Leach, the gathering Visionary and I approached him. I told him I was the one whose wooden Staff had hit him. He smiled and told me he was wondering if I would come back to him. He asked what kind of fur was on my staff and I told him the story of it and the message Christine Jack had given me to carry it.
After telling him the story, he told me that when it hit him he wondered what the message was. After I told him the story of it, he asked what my birthday was and did my quick numerology. After discovering the numbers, told me he had now realized that it was a clear sign that he was to give me his card and he would like to share teachings with me. He told me to email or phone him anytime, to share my stories as I wish with him. For the last month, he has been sending me many different kinds of spiritual insights, many of which I have already found in my journeys over the years and base my life and way of being around.
He has said he is not so much a teacher or a mentor but a messenger and says, that he isn’t teaching me anything but that I teach myself and he is offering ideas as tools that I can take and do with what I will, test them, research them, and then apply them, only if they work for me in my life. He has been directing me towards learning more about numerology, mathematical codes discoverable to learn purpose and meaning of things, showing me the roots of the different religions, affirming my own conclusions that the heart of every religion is virtually the same- based in Unconditional Love, honor, respect.
It is true that many religions have seemed to be lost and caught up in semantics, arguing about whose ways are more holy than the others but the very clear and obvious truth after a lifetime of studying a world of philosophies and religions is that there have been many difference manifestations of God, spiritual teachers sent to us through different times and ages, coming from different cultures translating this core message of Unconditional Love all around the world in order to contribute to human evolution.
We can go to the old holy lands now in Jerusalem and see Christians, Jews and
Muslims fighting over the "Holy Land" and whose religion is the true and only way to "God". Wars are being waged all over the world and children are dying in their wakes. Is this God? Is this the message the Divines, the message that the “messiahs” of those religions taught? Is there a better way?
When I first learned about the White Buffalo Calf woman Prophecy, it was 2006 and I had been hanging a mysterious painting of a white buffalo calf on my wall for 3 years, not knowing why I loved it and was mystified and drawn to it. At the time I acquired it 3 years prior, back in 2003, I just had to buy it from a random man at a sky train station in Vancouver, B.C., and in spiritual immaturity and haste, I never bothered to ask him the story of it.
One weekend, in 2006, consumed by the demons of a post traumatic stress relapse, struggling with unhealed childhood trauma, triggered by intense sexual harassment during a carpentry apprenticeship at this time, I decided it was time for me to heal. I did not want to lose myself into the void of darkness, and instead I purified my body, detoxing from cigarettes, marijuana and alcohol and purged my demons in my basement bedroom of my adopted mother Heather's house. Down on my knees, crying for all of my mistakes and the people that I had inadvertently hurt along the way, begging forgiveness, I prayed for guidance. I submitted and bowed my head to Creator yet again, like so many broken moments in my life where I had absolutely nowhere else to turn but on my knees and to a mysterious “God” in the sky. I submitted my own free will and asked to be shaped and molded as I had learned that “God” is called the master potter and we are the clay. I asked to find my purpose and life path.
I committed to the red road of earth medicine and learning to honour the spirits and began seriously reading books on the medicine wheel, animal spirit guides and vision questing. I had dabbled in curiosity in these books in previous months and earth ways, intuitively and in secret since childhood and had a few mystifying experiences with what I felt were spirit guides in previous months. I was not fully ready for the magic and understanding until this moment of committing to this path, until I had already explored and studied almost every other religion and still, my life was not going where I wanted and needed it. I was slowly slipping away about to lose myself and heading towards losing my life completely. I was feeling as if there were still so many pieces missing and it was time to add branches of understanding to my tree of my life. This earth medicine path was the least explored and after everything, still longing for more, I committed to being open hearted and open minded and seeking in it, what answers it had to offer.
I spent that weekend reading immense amounts of information about history, religion, science, philosophy and earth medicine to distract myself from the mess in my head and body as I detoxed. At points I felt like armies of ants were burrowing in my brain, the anxiety at times overwhelming; deep breathing and reading and praying through it all. At the end of the weekend, after my mind started to settle, my heart became more centered and I felt stronger that this was the path as I was still searching for answers that the religions of the world had not been able to give me to understand my life, my purpose and my past. At one point, nearing the end of the weekend, gazing unconsciously, and pondering life, I stared up at this white buffalo painting on my wall and I realized I had no idea what the white buffalo painting was even about, thinking about how white buffalo don't even exist and I realized that I had never even questioned it until that weekend. So I googled "white buffalo" and that was when my world blew wide open.
Online, I found the White Buffalo Calf Woman prophecies from the Lakota that said they were around 2000 years old and I found the Sacred White Buffalo Sanctuary/Ranch which at that time, was in Arizona, owned by Jim and Dena Riley, where a few white buffalo had been born in recent time and were drawing indigenous people from all over the world regarding these buffalo as a sign White Buffalo Calf Woman is coming soon.
After reading the stories of White Buffalo Calf Woman (which I urge you to read as well) I thought it was interesting that my first childhood spirituality was Christianity but then in sensing and in search of deeper truths, I left the church because they tried to control me through fear and judgement and it made me realize the Catholic Church was full of the false prophets Christ warned about.
Over the years after leaving the church, I had quested long and far to know who the true “Jesus” was and is. “Jesus”, I will be further referring to as Yahshua because I have since learned that the letter “J” was not invented until the 1600’s and “Jesus” (ee-ay-zeus in Greek which has been said translates to Hail Zeus, a Greek Pagan “God”) Jesus (Iasus/Iesous [ee-ay-zeus] [ie=hail sus=Zeus in Latin]) was not the Christ’s true name, but a bastardized version used when the bible texts were translated from Hebrew to Greek and at the time, it is no secret that the Greeks hates the Jews and could not accept a Jew as their messiah, so they changed his name and the image of what he looked like. There are identical similarities between photos of the Greek “Jesus” and statues and images of Zeus.
It has been researched by scholars and said that the purpose of this name change, was to unite the world under one "God" and to smooth out the transition from Greek/Roman Paganism, which worshiped multiple “Gods” including Zeus, into Constantine’s “Christianity”, assimilating Zeus’s followers by translating the Messiah’s name to be related with their own Pagan God Zeus. In fact, His true name is Yehshua, which literally translates as “The Lord’s Salvation and is the short version of Yehshua, literally YHWH (Yahweh) saves.
Anyhow, staring at this painting on my wall of a white buffalo calf and thinking about the prophecies I had just read, it was uncanny to me and I felt it was not a coincidence that White Buffalo Calf Woman had appeared to the Lakota people virtually the same time as Yehshua was being crucified on the cross by the Romans. When she first appeared, it has been written, (in the versions i read) that she was a spirit and said to a pure hearted hunter, go and prepare a place for me and I will return in 3 days. Over in the east, at virtually the same time, It apparently took 3 days for Yehshua to die, ascend to heaven and then disappear from his tomb.
To me it was clear this was no coincidence and all too indicative that if these prophecies were all true, White Buffalo Calf Woman would be the second coming to restore the balance and the truth of what Yahshua (and various other manifestations and extensions of Creator ) actually taught before the church changed his words and smeared his name by killing women and children in the name of a false "God". To me it was the only thing that made sense in order to reset the imbalance of the patriarchal rule we are dominated by in the world.
I have studied everything I possibly could to do with the historical Christ- Yehshua, including finding an old book (which can now be found and read online at http://www.gutenberg.org/files/29288/29288-h/29288-h.htm ) from the 1800's in a dusty bookstore recounting the tale of a Russian journalist and adventurer named Nicolas Notovich, who was shown ancient scrolls in a Buddhist monastery in Tibet, that told the tale of how a man named "Issa" (which i found later is a universal named used for Jesus in very many cultures) fitting the same description as "Jesus" from around roughly the same time period before Christ reappeared in the bible and began his final mission on earth. It speaks of how "Issa" visited them and learned from their Buddhist ways of compassion and universal love leading towards living a “no harm” lifestyle and also shared his own teachings with them. The scrolls taught of how this man who sounds a lot like "Jesus" learned from their Buddhist philosophy of peace and compassion.
These scrolls were denied and hidden again after this journalist's book went public and caused a huge uproar and controversy in the Catholic Church. From my research and understanding, guided by prayers for truth to be illuminated, I have found and now believe the real Christ was actually a Gnostic Jew (Gnosis being knowledge and wisom, through direct experience with “God" which is the heart of every major tradition on this planet) and so were Mary Magdalene and the Apostles. Their way was a way rooted in Kabbalah (tree of life) that included earth medicine and “magic” such as healing with hands and prayer and sought to unite all people under one “God” which was stated over and over that “God” was simply just unconditional LOVE love unconditional forgiveness.
Look at the painting of the last supper and tell me it isn't a woman who sits at the right hand of Christ. The church tried to convince us that is was John who sat beside Jesus but why would the great and wise thinker and inventor Leonardo DaVinci risk his life and cause enormous uproar to paint us a lie of what is clearly a woman sitting beside Christ at the last supper? It does not make sense from what I have studied of history and know of DaVinci, someone considered to be one of the greatest thinkers in all of history. I have found that the truth of Christ and Mary is one of divine union, balancing the divine masculine and the divine feminine, illustrating the infinite power of equality, like two wings of a bird. This union modelling the power and strength all families have when their union is in divine love and each individual is centered in god/unconditional love and whole in themselves mind, body, spirit. When two heads are together, and the individuals are grounded and rooted in Creator’s infinite unconditional love, we see the heart shape and this space between them that can be considered like the holy chalice, the unending cup of divine love that not only heals friends and communities but entire nations of the disease that comes through fear and anger and inequality and disconnects us from the holy source of divine unconditional love love unconditional forgiveness.
Anyone can do some research about the true teachings of Christ, Mary Magdalene and the Apostles- The ones the Catholic Church suppressed after the Romans martyred Yehshua and most of the apostles- the ones that were suppressed and buried, some even destroyed through so called "Holy Crusades" as the books of the Catholic Bible were compiled by the church hundreds of years after Yehshua’s death. Why would we trust them unconditionally- the ones that killed the peacemakers? Why would we trust their choices of which books make up the whole bible when they included teachings Christ specifically told us to ignore and forget about?
Why would we unconditionally trust this bible that seems merely suited to support their ways of control and domination through fear and threats of eternal hellfire and damnation? The answer that makes sense to me is as Yehshua warned, that we would come into a time where we would exchange the truth for a lie. Christ taught that "God" is simply defined as- unconditional love love unconditional forgiveness. And through this unconditional infinite love and unconditional infinite forgiveness, there are limitless chances to redeem and experience heaven on earth.
If Yehshua taught unconditional LOVE, unconditional forgiveness is the true “God”, how in heaven's name would this "God" the church tried to convince us of, damn us to hell for eternity? It just doesn’t make sense and this was clear to me even at 9 years old when I was debating with the priests in the Catholic Church before elementary school every morning. It appeared to me that the church's "God" is fear, violent and angry and seemed more to be a false “God” with no more power than we give it through our own misled beliefs. It makes much more sense to me to read between the lines, to seek a direct relationship with Creator and have an open heart, as well as take the truth of history into account when reading the words in these books and applying them to our lives.
From my research, Yehshua and the apostles (Mary Magdalene included)possibly even originally taught reincarnation as do all religions of history, but these teachings were likely suppressed and destroyed as well, perhaps because the Catholic Church made a lot of money in those times from people who came and bought "papal decrees" that promised to buy people's unconverted relatives out of hell. Seriously? If there was a hell, Does anyone really think they can buy their way out? If so, Who are we REALLY paying for those souls? These are tricks, evil tricks made to confuse us from the truth. If there really was a devil, HE would the only one that could be paid for this type of contract. Seriously think about it, it's all in the history books and small games of connect the dots can be as easy as finding constellations in the sky. Truth be unconditional love illuminated.
From my exploration as backed and affirmed by many scholars and enlightened ones, Yehshua and the apostles learned from all ways and were more like spiritual alchemists weaving together the best of the best to help bring the world into a massive shift in spirituality and awakening. They honoured the best of all ways, and because they embodied and taught ultimate love, ultimate truth and ultimate peace, they performed miracles and amassed the greatest following ever seen- The greatest of course until now where we sit at
the dawn of The
Golden Age, a new 26,000 year cycle of the procession of equinoxes as backed and explained by the Mayan long count calendar, proven in this century by the studies of NASA. Now we are sitting at the dawn of this age, to be ushered in by White Buffalo Calf Woman and the return of the Divine Feminine to restore the balance upon the earth.
Anyways, I digress, and head back to the beginning of my commitment to red road earth medicine, a deeper awakening in 2006 that occurred after hanging a mysterious painting of a white buffalo on my wall for 3 years. That weekend in 2006, staring at this intriguing painting, with 10,000 years of human history swirling in my mind, and having just discovered 2000 year old Lakota prophecy of White Buffalo Calf Woman, I had the very clear thought that I wanted to learn more about paganism and earth magic to figure out why the Catholic Church and the “holy” crusades tried to destroy all witches, (many of them being white witches serving the betterment and healing of humanity through herbs and sacred ceremonies) and annihilating tribes of earth medicine people including the Celtic/Druidic spiritual leaders that once lived and walked in harmony sharing with and learning from many different indigenous people of history. If "magic" was never real, why would the church have tried to make us forget about it and made it such a heinous threat justifying the slaughter of entire cultures of people and then teaching those who were left that all of these ways were entirely evil? (This thought was before I knew all of the true Christ and history of the catholic church that I know now)
A couple weeks after this experience of awakening, a friend named Jen Walking Eagle
came over to my house and asked, “hey want to come to a solstice gathering with me?" And I said excited, “like solstice?! is that a wiccan pagan thing?” She said, “Yeah I guess, I dunno."
I knew in my soul that it was a Pagan type of event and it was intriguing to me how I had just come to this conclusion about wanting to learn more about paganism and then it manifested in such short time. This was one of the first blatant and deep "synchronicities" in my life and when I started to learn about the law of attraction and the basic physics of how this universe receives and responds to the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that we put out. I had experienced this before in my life but had always defined it as coincidence. This was when I started to see clearly how everything is connected as if we are collectively collaborating, dream weavers weaving a great web in my life. This was where i consciously started seeing the correlations of pieces just falling into place, based on what I was already thinking and feeling.
We went to the Solstice gathering and got there early on Dec. 21, 2006. At that time, I had only just begun learning about chakras and crystals and reiki and all those new age things and I held only a small belief, more of a curiosity really, in the new age beliefs others I had been meeting held. I kind of thought they were a bit looney, but I was still intrigued because somewhere in my soul I sensed a deeper truth. So on Dec.21, 2006 I went to the winter solstice because when I read about the white buffalo and my painting, earth ways intrigued me as they had since I was a child building forts in the forests, fishing with homemade spears in my underwear, finding rocks and feathers and unafraid of cougars and bears because I felt like all the animals were my family.
As a child I had found I could “heal” feathers by working them gently with my fingers, fixing their tatters and at early points, tried to convince people I could heal with my hands because I did not know the science of how I was mending these feathers. To me as a child it was just magic. I was starting to see now at this adult place, that Earth medicine wasn't a controlling religion in any way or a spiritual way I had studied yet as in depth as every other religion I had explored and left behind only taking the small pieces that I needed. I was starting to see that this was a missing piece that I was to grow to understand to build upon my spirituality and find my purpose in the world.
When we arrived at the studio where this solstice gathering was taking place, not many people were there and I looked around. I was intrigued by things I had never seen before like sacred geometry and chakra diagrams, crystals that reminded me of special rocks I had found as a kid etc. At one point, I turned around to go find my friend Jen and as I turned, a large indigenous man in full medicine man regalia was walking in the door carrying a big drum with a big white buffalo head painted on it. My jaw dropped and my eyes went wide I was thinking no way, I must be dreaming this up. Coincidence? "CO-Incidents"
I imagined pinching myself but did not "wake up" and in my excitement was thinking what is happening, because I had never experienced “synchronicity” quite like that before. That experience was what cracked the next leg of my awakening wide open. I excitedly went up to him and started blabbering on about his big drum with the white buffalo on it and the White Buffalo Calf Woman prophecy and how I just found out from my mysterious painting and asking him what does he know etc. Etc. He smiled at me calmly and said yes, I know of it and then he said, “that is my daughter, she is 13 and has begin to learn healings.” I stood there in total disbelief.
Then he sent me to the foyer to read about him in a book with photos that was on a table while he setup for the ceremony. The book said he was a specialist in helping those with post traumatic stress, drug and alcohol addiction, and sexual abuse, which was exactly what I was struggling with - sexual abuse/ptsd and had just detoxed from substances. I was in doubt and denial, I am a scientist afterall, but i also wanted so badly to believe I had been divinely guided here for my own healing. In my head it felt like a far stretch but I also wanted to believe that his daughter could actually be the prophesied White Buffalo Calf Woman, wanting to believe in hope for the world in the form of a new Divine Spiritual rebirth for humanity.
It all seemed too good to be true, I questioned how it could even be possible but I figured, I was here, this is happening, let’s see where it goes. In my mind I partially thought he was crazy, I thought maybe I was crazy hallucinating this event and maybe tripping out in a psych ward somewhere imagining this whole experience even though I had never experienced a delusion before. How could this be happening? I wanted to think it must be a coincidence- It Must be. Dean called himself Chief White Buffalo Man Many Feathers and took part with the Pagan/Wiccan people in a series of multiple rounds of rituals where they smudged us with cleansing sage and herbs and sang songs and said prayers.
The Pagans said they had invited the Chief White Buffalo Man because they felt it was a time to bridge the worlds between native belief and Pagan so that we may see we have the same earthen and celestial roots and that we must come together to bring the world into better union with themselves, the planet and everyone's own chosen spiritualities. This was the day I first heard about the coming Golden Age and 2012 and it intrigued me. The “Chief” did several rounds of prayers and smudging us with what looked like this gnarled out mass of bone and I'm telling you, I was struggling at that time with PTSD and anxiety from alcohol and cigarette addiction and after that gathering I never had anymore flashbacks, anxiety or a problem saying no to drugs and alcohol and I stayed clean for 3 years, moving up north and going to college to get a diploma in early childhood education but i will get to that a little more later.
After Jen and I left the gathering Dec 21 2006, I told her the whole story regarding my interaction with the Chief and she was as mind blown as me knowing that I had the white buffalo calf painting for years; Knowing these things that I've just written regarding my conclusions and how i came to know of the prophecy to begin with are true because I told them to her before the day we even went to that gathering.
But for years and years after this I wavered back and forth, up and down, in and out in my faith, learning about how people can heal with their hands learning how crystals can help amplify light to increase things like intuition, creativity, psychic abilities and grounding etc. Also, learning about a whole world of people who base their whole lives and careers on these types of modalities that I used to consider hippy dippy hocus pocus hootenanny.
Through my life, I had wavered in everything and believed nothing without seeing it and feeling it with my own hands and eyes- proving it’s existence and tangibility through direct experience. Even when I saw it with my own eyes and felt with my own hands, I denied and doubted and ran from it for a long time needing all of the science to back it up before I could only give it more faith.
But I'm telling you, the deeper my faith became the more my prayers and small miracles manifested before my eyes and friends have multiple times labelled me a magician and master manifestor. I always say it isn't me it is the power of the true God- the power of a humble sacred heart, the power of unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness, the power of our own beliefs that can change the charge of our atoms to affect our own body's electromagnetic field which is connected to everything and everyone, rippling through space and time and then is further amplified by the power of Creator/Love/Creation when aligned with the highest will and law of love, that ANYONE can do all these things and so much more. The universe conspires with us and there has been no shortage of "miracles" on the planet from every single religion/spiritual way and walk of life. It seems "God" does not discriminate, has many names, many faces and many modalities as means of working through us on this planet.
I have nearly all the science worked out now and there is truly just as much physical scientific evidence to support "God", "energy" and "spirit" through a balance of modern history, physics/metaphysics and ancient esoterics as one should need to build a solid foundation of faith for themselves in whichever path in life they choose.
Anyone can find it for themselves in their own hearts through daily spiritual practice of their own choosing. With two feet on the earth and Eye on the sky knowing one's own body is the temple and our Spirit/Soul are extensions of source, we will still always stumble but surely not be led astray in the same fashions that occur when we blindly trust humans on earth to tell us how to live and what to think and claim to be equipped to interpret spiritual books that were changed and manipulated to suit the men who sought to become rich and powerful through their inception and abuse.
Those who do this as a personal exploration, stand to define the great mystery for themselves and inherit the things they once only ever dreamed and more, without great consequence. As long as life and faith are based in unconditional love and forgiveness and one's free will is consciously sought to align with the highest will and recognizes this power of unconditional love as the true source of creation at the heart of the cosmos is what truly fuels, our heart's greatest dreams and desires and they are only a manifestation away. Ask and ye shall receive.
Mystical things and synchronicities beyond counting and recounting all the tales happened over the years as I learned more but I still continuously questioned them and needed more proof because many of my friends and family and furthermore, society, categorizes spiritual people like me as "mentally ill" and puts little faith in these spiritual things I speak of. At times I fell into fear of being locked up as crazy so naturally I still question it to keep an open mind so as not to become fanatical and lost in one way of limited understanding. I have grown to see overall now, that these spiritual things and mystical experiences are real and I should have more faith.
Furthermore I question, are all these "mentally ill" people schizophrenic/crazy to be locked up and/or medicated, or do they have suppressed and undeveloped spiritual gifts that western society has no guidance for and instead, those people become lost and worn down by "demons", ghosts and spirits that anyone can easily learn to purge and shine their unconditionally loving heart through?
Once in my early 20's I read spray painted in a park, "the only difference between a schizophrenic and a shaman is how WE perceive them. It stuck with me a decade later when I started meeting "shamans" who call out and dance with “devils” to purge the dark power they have over people, bringing great healing I have witnessed with my own eyes. Years later, I remembered this saying, and it started to make even more sense.
After meeting with Chief White Buffalo Man in 2006 at the solstice, it was almost too much to take and I put it away on the back burner and focused on my long distance relationship with a woman up north, considering moving there to go to school for the Early Childhood Education diploma.
In the following May 2007, after the winter solstice gathering, I decided to go checkout Prince George to see if I wanted to move there for my girlfriend and for school. I had wavered about choosing a vocation for many years because in August 2nd 2000 the day I was to be registering my courses for the psychiatric nursing program in New Westminster, I was run over by a speeding car in a crosswalk, shattered my left leg to pieces in compound fractures, ruptured multiple discs in my back, had the windshield cut me to my organs in my right hip and then I spent the next three years, having four surgeries and learning how to walk again.
This “accident” was obvious to me, a deterrent from that path and it took a lot of years of soul searching and healing to find what my truest calling was. At this point in 2007, everything led back to the children of the world and felt to be my true calling. So in May 2007, I headed north to discover if this was to be the place for me to commit to school. On my drive up north, I picked up an old Indian man hitchhiking outside of 100 mile house with bags of groceries. I picked him up on the side of the road, his ancient blue eyes capturing my attention from way far away. On the drive we shared stories and he told me of a great Chief long ago who brought together the people of the Caribou/Chilcotin area during a time of major intertribal warring in the 1800s. After that, I asked him if he knew of the white buffalo and I shared with him my connection to them and the story of everything up until I had met Chief White Buffalo Man on the winter solstice. As soon as I said the Chief's name, the elder's eyes lit up and he said “Oh I know him!!!”
Then told me of how he had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had met the Chief by "accident randomly" in recent time passed, and that the Chief had taken him and done a ceremony, which among other things, he had fed him a tea that he said was disgusting and tasted like bubbly swamp water. After this, on his next visit to doctors to deal with his cancer, it was confirmed in truth, as a medical anomaly and all of his cancer was completely gone. I remember his name was John Dickson and he lived on the backside of Lac Le Hache. I pray he is still well and alive and I would love to meet him again one day.
When I dropped him off at his house, he invited me in and we visited for a bit and he showed me where he had the Chief's name and information in a book. I compared it with the business card I had been carrying in my wallet from the Chief and the information was in fact a match. We had tea and chatted some more and then I had to go. Before I left, he said he wanted to give me something and I said at first, “No, please, you don’t have to give me anything.” because I had driven him home only out of my heart not looking for reward, but he said, “Yes, I want to give you something for your journey.” He handed me a beautiful braid of sweet grass and my first gifted feather and told me that my prayers are powerful and to never to lose faith and to take this gift as a blessing for my journey.
He taught me how the rips and tears where their were separations the feather represented all the trauma in my life that could be healed and then curled into the most beautiful tatters, becoming my greatest strengths and that this was a new feather for my broken wings and on this path I would learn to fly. He blessed me and I hugged him and cried and thanked him and then I left continuing my trip north. I left and went to Prince George to visit and after that trip, confirmed by the elder and his feather and my enjoyment of the visit, I decided to move there for school.
I spent the next 3 years until 2009 engrossed in full time school and work and not much of anything spiritual. I became worn out and depressed, working and schooling full time, amassing enormous debt, and starting to emotionally buckle under the pressure, wondering if I had chosen the wrong profession, so I decided to take a leave of absence from work and go travelling to reconnect with the earth and my heart and do some more healing and soul searching.
I spent 3 months from July to September, living and travelling in mountains and deserts, forests, up rivers and through valleys and meeting people of all walks of life as I travelled, hitchhiking, through British Columbia, Washington, Oregon, California and Nevada with very little money, on a wing and a prayer. Over these 3 months, I learned and grew and realized all these spiritual things I had learned a little about but never fully believed, were actually even more possible than I had already believed and that summer I met more people that gave me proven scientific explanations for how these things could even be possible. I found scientific evidence, backed by math and physics to explain “God”, “healing” “different dimensions” etc. Besides the science, I saw things that made me think and feel that wow, maybe there is something much deeper to all of this metaphysics stuff after all.
In September, 2009, I was pulled out to the middle of a Nevada desert by something in my gut and there I went and meditated and purified myself in the earth and the light of the sun on my knees, naked like a newly birthed child, covered in playa dust, crying and begging forgiveness and a sign whether I was on the right path in my life because I had screwed up so many times on my own, which was why I kept begging to be released of my free will over and over again and again. I had been lost at work, tired and overworked and questioning if I had chosen the right path. I went on the trip looking for signs to affirm my path or redirect me accordingly.
When I was out there in the middle of the desert under the scorching twisting winds, I
bathed in the ancient sun and moon baked earth, that was when the name "eagle child" was first spoken into my heart. It was not spoken into my head or heard into my ears, but was what I can only explain as a guttural moan, uniting within my heart from out of the sky and up from the earth; exploding in my chest and ringing into being into the depths of my soul.
But even then, I still I denied it. I was like, eagle child?! What the heck is that? This is crazy what am I doing out here. And then it happened again only louder,
EAGLE CHILD!
And then I knew it was directed at me. When I felt I was being called the name, I first got
indignant because as a child growing up, I felt voiceless, powerless, was told to be seen and not heard and really I felt like it was preferred that I not even be really seen. I had been beaten and abused and treated as worthless by many people who were entrusted with my care because my parents were lost and consumed by their own demons of addiction having been wrapped up with the hell’s angels, cocaine and such. Because of it I ended up going through the foster care system and then experiencing a whole other world of abuse. Through my teens, I struggled to cope and made many near successful attempts on my life, engaged in self harm activities including cutting myself, as well as abusing drugs and alcohol off and on. Because of this I went through even deeper levels of trauma because of how the medical system, policing system and fostercare system chooses to deal with these types of issues in youth and all of it had deeply damaged my inner child and the self esteem view I had of myself.
As a child I felt that I held little value to the adults in my life and being called a child was not a compliment or something I took a liking to. It was like saying, you are JUST a child, STOP being a child GROW UP... I was 28 and felt grown up already. I had been marching around preaching my experiences and trying to prove to everyone for a lifetime how much I knew and how much worth I had and instead was shot down and called arrogant and egotistical even though I was only trying to prove I was equal to them, not that I was better or bigger or more important. This made me feel even more worthless and my child died, I shoved her away at a very early age so that I could be strong and fierce and survive the violence and abuse of my life.
My inner child was worthless to me, the cause of my pain because I viewed her as weak and a threat to my survival, so I sent her away and started to become more like a boy, an angry, fiery, argumentative tom boy that fought everything and everyone that tried to get in my way. As I grew, I displaced my inner girl child and when I was called to by this name Eagle Child, I rejected it as a taunt and a mockery of me even though I personally had always loved and viewed children as the world’s greatest gift and resource.
It was soon to become clear that I had a lot of healing to do and did not hold my own child in the same light as I held all others. Because of this as a child and teen, I had spent my life always too big for my britches, trying to prove I was as worthy as others and even though according to school teachers and counselors, I had always had natural leadership abilities, I could not see or effectively utilize them, because I was always living defensively and at times bossy and demanding and harsh with my words/judgements and acted domineering and controlling and impatient with people’s mistakes and misunderstandings, because inside I felt less worthy than a flea.
My self esteem was marred by post traumatic stress, depression and feelings of defeat and always feeling less valuable and worthy than everyone and because of this I had severely underdeveloped skill and potential as was constantly told to me by many elders and teachers that I ignored in my stubbornness and unwillingness to take up my responsibility for my life and choices, including possibly choosing the life with my parents that I did before I was even born.
I thought to myself and stared at the sky, eagle child?! Pfft whatever, eagle child yourself. This is stupid!!! I am not a child, I'm an adult!! And I felt really offended at it, not yet knowing the trait indigenous cultures attributed to eagles or that my next big life task would be to heal my own broken inner child. These things in soon time would reveal themselves to me, but I left that spot in the depth of the desert, annoyed and not caring for eagle child because in my stupid ego, I took offence to the name and thought I was being mocked as I had been for so many years as a child. I also was scared I was on the brink of losing my mind, out there in the desert having mystical experiences that could not be explained because they were not drug induced. I thought, I must be crazy, what am I doing out here?!
So I brushed off the dust, put my clothes back on and walked away. I did not go out there to the desert looking for a name or anything specific other than clarification, and I was just drawn to that place and it happened just as I see now it was meant to be- Called by Creator as I journeyed to reconnect with Great Spirit and the red road. So not consciously looking for an experience quite like that, it was scary and confusing when that was what happened and I thought perhaps, I had finally really cracked this time. Like really totally cracked up, so I ran from it, trying to leave the ghost of eagle child where I had found it, out there in the middle of the desert in Nevada.
But, I took a few steps to leave out of the desert and that is where a small dark rock
caught my eye and as I bent down to pick it up out of the cracked dry desert earth, where there are no other rocks, no bugs, no plants, nothing but deep cracks and dust, I realized it was actually an old arrowhead,
the second one I had just randomly found while journeying in nature in my life (the other one found near the place where I grew up) but this one was different.
As I clutched it in my hand, my mind exploded into a river of memories, and I suddenly remembered a dream I had when I was a young child as it flooded into memory like a torrent.
In the dream from childhood, I dreamt that I was in the desert which wasn't quite as barren as the one I was really in, and I could see red Arizona type mountains in the distance and all around me there was a war waging between cowboys and Indians; Horses and gunshots and arrows ringing and zipping through the air, thundering across the earth and all around yelling and chaos and I was hiding and terrified. I was crouched down behind a small tree on a sand and grass knoll and you know what the scariest thing of all was?
It wasn't the war, it was that I was dreaming this dream, seeing it through my own two eyes in the first person and I couldn't see my face or my body and I did not know who I was or what side I was on. I had never dreamed like this before, had only ever dreamed like I was watching myself in a movie and I didn’t feel I was on either side of this war, I just felt terrified of the war and moreso, not knowing who I was. I looked at my hands and arms, looking around frantically and suddenly, I was hit with a zipping arrow through the heart and the pain was like nothing I've ever felt to this very day. The pain was so intense, I woke up as a child in my own bed in this life and I was still holding the place where the arrow hit, with my hand wrapped around an invisible wood shaft and my heart hurt like nothing I had ever experienced.
As a child, how could I dream and just imagine pain I had never really felt? I sat in bed rubbing my chest and it took 10 mins for the pain to disappear. After rubbing the pain away as a child in my own bed, I fell back asleep and forgot about the dream until the day I picked up that arrowhead in the desert in 2009, which turned out to be an ancient arrowhead almost lost to the sands of time way out in a barren spot that likely nobody has been for a very long time, a place I went only because something inside me pulled me and the gut feeling told me to go there.
This arrowhead, my soul is so attached to because when I held it in my hand it was like I could feel the energy of my own hand that had touched it in some other lifetime. I would be impossibly pressed to sell it, even for one million dollars because I need it to tell this story and prove to myself what I say was not a delusion in the desert. It helps me remember who I am and why I am here.
I will not sell out my spiritual truths and have them be lost to time and the lies of
whitewashed HIStory. If required of me, I would die for it and the cause of helping to illuminate the children of the world to their unique, individual divinity and spiritual purposes and paths. This is something money can’t buy and even though I wish for millions of dollars to help feed the starving children every day, I know selling out will not grant this to me, not in good conscience anyway. Faith and belief in Creator’s Divine Will, will provide everything I need to do the good in the world I want and need to do to help better this world for the futures of the next 7 generations.
At the beginning of that quest to the desert in 2009, I thought I was going to the “Burning Man” festival in Nevada, to see the heart of what is left of paganism in a temporary city that after a week of creation and destruction leaves no trace; to a city designed with sacred geometry, in an attempt to understand why these practices were attempted to be destroyed by the crusades so long ago.
I thought I was going to the desert for art and music and an economy based on
gifting, to survive radically in the hot and wild, windy expanse, to conquer my fears and
reconnect with the earth, but when I got there, It was hard to handle the intensity of what felt like waste, the fires and pollution happening because of the destruction of the art, a practice done to teach and emphasize the impermanence of life as in what we spend months and years to create can be destroyed by natural forces, such as wind and fire, in matters of seconds.
It did not answer my questions or leave me fulfilled in my soul and it was something even deeper that called to me, something beyond the chaos of Black Rock City with its rituals of chaos and destruction, something that called to me from even further, out into the beyond.
So I left the festival boundaries knowing I could be charged and/or jailed and sent back to Canada never allowed to return again for doing this but I HAD to do it, I HAD to take the risk because I was spiritually compelled to and so I went waaaay out into the deeper desert, far far away from everyone else to the place I had been called eagle child and found my ancient arrowhead; an arrowhead I will one day return to the people of those lands with, with this story to help affirm their spiritual faith and call them deeper into to this great vision of White Buffalo Calf Woman and the new age of restoration and balance, the return of the divine feminine and unification of both divine masculine and feminine energies on this planet.
If they ask of me to return this relic, I will do so respectfully, as the arrowhead truly does not belong to me but it belongs to the Indigenous people whose culture was decimated by the church, the crusades, various civil wars and the unlawful occupation of their homelands. It belongs to world of children that have been controlled through fear and lied to and convinced of that we only have one life to live and only one choice of religion leading to one choice between heaven or hell. It belongs to a world of people from all cultures who have had their spiritual choice and rights taken from them and have been controlled through fear and domination of many of the religious institutions.
I humbly request it remain in my possession to tell this tale over and over so that all in this world may be drawn deeper into loving and protecting mother earth. I request it remain with me as I advocate for all of Mother Earth’s children ravaged by war, poverty, greed and institutional domination. This is part of my mission and purpose, to share these experiences and to share the path of illumination that I have found, a path that is only one of many innumerable paths to finding “God” and purpose in this life.
At the end of those 3 months, I had planned to go see the white buffalo sanctuary that I
originally discovered back in 2006 and I began to hitch hiked their way after an 8 day
quest in Yosemite National Park where I had fallen in love with the Frogs and blue jays and had experienced a close encounter with a Lynx staring into my soul and running straight at me from 100 yards away, as it’s feet thundered in the ground. I say close encounter because it did not attack me as I stood there in the night, staring in absolute awe, projecting peace and unconditional love and respect towards it. It ran straight towards me and then past my legs so close I could have reached down and touched it.
At this point,late September 2007, I had $27 to my name and got stranded outside Sacramento for 2 days and then was harassed by highway patrol multiple times for trying to hitchhike out of there, before my mother was too scared for my safety and said she was coming to get me. She was on her way and I ended up getting a ride shortly after that with an old man who I met at a gas station who said he wasn't leaving town for any other reason other than he said, that he was old and had fought the war, his kids were grown and moved away and he wanted one last adventure. So I agreed and we drove together and shared stories and then he took me to Mt. Shasta, a place I had learned about in Yosemite park from these 2 sisters I met at a gathering where my friend Sonaiya (who was a spiritual non believer until that moment) and I and many others, watched the medicine woman and author Star Hawk, conjure the wind up from the ground within a grove of trees with only her gratitude and prayers, calling in the sacred spirits during the closing ceremony of Symbiosis 2009.
I had been sitting, playing with my own few crystals, many of which random people had
gifted me on that journey, not knowing what they were for but enjoying their colors and
the ways they made me feel and making my own geometric “art” in the dirt. The sisters came along intrigued and asked what I was doing. I didn’t know, “Making art” I said, even though it was something deeper that I did not understand yet that was compelling me to arrange the stones in different patterns based on how the way they looked and felt made me fele
We talked and then they had told me of Mt. Shasta and gave me 2 different crystals they
had each found hiking on Mt. Shasta and then they told me that I had to go there. It wasn't in my original plan because I had limited money and destinations I needed to make it to, but mystically, I still ended up there because that magic old man wanted one last adventure and drove me 4 hours out of his way to make sure I got there. I may have been reading into it too much but I swear I felt the spirit of my Grandfather with him, sparkling in his eyes, like perhaps he was moved in some mysterious way to make my wildest dreams come true through the divine handiwork of the great spirits of Grandfathers and Grandmothers. Perhaps even, he was the answer to my Mother’s prayers which she was surely praying as she drove all the way to meet me, from British Columbia to California.
I stayed in an old growth cedar forest at Mt. Shasta where I first learned of "Shamanic
Schools" as there was a Cherokee Shamanic School there, but it was closed and I wasn't there long enough to have more than an intriguing tease and learn of some auspicious legends about Shasta. My mom picked me up from Mt. Shasta the next morning and although she wanted to go straight home, I insisted we go see the white buffalo first. At the beginning of this quest I had decided I needed to see the buffalo in person and made it my final destination for my trip.
At this time, I was excited and amazed to find that the ranch had migrated from southern Arizona to Oregon, becoming even more accessible for me on this trip. When we arrived and met Dena Riley, (who was the original owner and keeper of the sanctuary back when it started in Flagstaff, Arizona) that was when I learned of the white buffalo “Be Happy Spirit” that was born on my birthday May 4th, 2008.
"Be Happy Spirit", (photo above) who is the 10th born to the herd was born on my birthday May 4th, the previous year in 2008, I became aware of at this time. “Be Happy” is pictured in the above photo, which was emailed to me by the new Keeper, Cynthia Hart Button, for my fundraising efforts for our birthday May 4th 2015.
The keeper of the time in 2009, Dena Riley,
was blown away by my whole story of discovery and travel to be there at that moment and even more so mystified because of her own connection to that date May 4th, which was her wedding anniversary. Her dear husband Jim had just passed away a few months prior to the calf being born and my story brought some bit of hope to her mourning heart that there was truth to the prophecies and Divine timing of Creator’s Will in the overall plan for the betterment of humanity.
I gave Dena a feather that I’d found in a forest on that trip for her mantle to put beside her husband’s photo for prayers
during her time of mourning, and in turn, moved, she gave me a wild turkey feather from the ranch and then we went out to see the pure white buffalo beauties.
These White Buffalo are genetically tested 100% American bison and not beefalo or albino
like other white ones which have sporadically appeared in various locations over the years. These White Buffalo have drawn people from all over the world, from all walks of life into the mysticism of the Lakota prophecies and have brought much hope to this broken world and now the herd already supersedes the original number prophesized to signal the return of White Buffalo Calf Woman.
They are protected in sanctuary and tied to the non religious/non denominational spiritual organization Sacred World Peace Alliance/Sacred World Peace Church, that honours all traditions based in Love and is designed to protect these animals and promote world peace. The buffalo can all be viewed on their website at:
www.sacredworldpeacechurch.com/adoption.htm
and anyone can go onto their site and not only see the photos, dates and names of the buffalo but sponsor and/or visit them in Oregon if they feel so inclined.
When I met my birthday buffalo, we locked eyes and I was completely mesmerized, and then, the same thing happened with the buffalo as happened to me in the desert, Only different. Again, a guttural moan as if the sky and the earth were uniting with a boom within my heart, rumbling into my soul, with a deep calling.
eagle child buffalospirit
What? I thought.. What is happening.. I must be going crazy... I looked at my mom who seemed undisturbed and then I stared in awe into the eyes of hope for the world and those
buffalo spoke into my heart again..
EAGLE CHILD BUFFALOSPIRIT
what...the..
As the buffalo stared into my eyes...and I stared in disbelief questioning my sanity, denying to myself this was really happening, again, only louder this time, like the sky and the earth uniting as pillars of truth inside me...
EAGLE CHILD BUFFALOSPIRIT!!!
I looked around and could not deny and knew they were speaking to me and that this was
who I was to become by learning the lessons of the eagle and buffalo to balance my inner child and become more than just the parts of a broken and arrogant child that acts like she has it all figured out and doesn’t need anyone to tell her what's what and then goes
around trudging heavily and speedily, fighting any obstacles that try to stop her because she was hurting and broken, afraid.
It was to become a calling to become more than those parts that were holding back my evolution and spiritual development and to heal and evolve into the gifted unique individual that I am, that we all are before we are imprinted with the lies of this world and made to forget our equal and magnificent spiritual, Creator given gifts and purpose in this world.
Now, after nearly 10 years of this red road medicine path, united by all the faiths I’ve explored and learned from in my entire life and more deeply seeking ultimate unconditional love, forgiveness, truth and illumination on this earth medicine path, following spirit guides and being given less than a few different teachers sporadically appearing and disappearing, I see ultimately, the name and path became a calling to truly heal my mind, body, heart, spirit and soul and to grow and become equal to everyone I had ever put above me on a pedestal.
It became a call to balance myself in this imbalanced world and become truly whole and healed by taking the best of all I had learned and amalgamating it into one solid spiritually alchemized way of being.
On November 11, 2011, (11:11:11) I got a double triskel Celtic knot tattooed on my wedding ring finger, and made a wish for wholeness, world peace, inner peace and healing for the world. This tattoo, became a symbol of everlasting love and marriage to spiritual faith, through unification of mind, body and spirit. It is a symbol of wholeness and spiritual commitment to humanity and Creator’s will above all other selfish worldly desires.
This whole thing ultimately became a way NO Better or more gifted or more special than even the smallest ant or bumble bee but a calling to just to develop my own unique gifts and to step up to the plate to be an equal in this global civilization, so that I may do my work in this world and be truly happy (The number one lesson of my birthday buffalo “Be Happy Spirit) to spread the joy and healing that this great planet needs in order to survive.
After this visit in 2009 I went home and went back to work at the Carney Hill School and again put many of my spiritual beliefs and practices, on the back burner, working overtime and becoming slogged down by the city and spiritual incompatibility within my romantic relationship. I still continuted learning, slowly but then putting parts of it back inside the closet, struggling with a faith most deny and shun and then myself denying the things I had learned, seen and felt with my own eyes, ears, hands and heart and then trying to blow them off as superstition and myth.
But the universe spoke louder than ever and something even more miraculous and magnificent happened. I had seen an advertisement for a local holistic fair and out of curiosity thought I would check it out even though I was overly skeptical about psychics and still unsure about past lives and the encoding within our ancestral DNA.
When I arrived at the holistic fair, I learned there were two readers doing past life introductions and in reading the brochure that I had read it wrong and when I signed up, I thought I was signing up for a 20 minute for $20 introduction with a brown haired lady whose name I do not remember.
When I arrived at her table, she was with someone else and I said, “Oh, I thought we were supposed to have a reading.” She said, “Oh no, I think you are mistaken, you must be with Kareen.” And then she pointed over in Kareen’s direction. I saw her sitting at her table alone and went and sat down and told her of the mix up. To me it was no matter because I didn’t fully believe anyways, even though I had been having what I felt was past life memories and overlaps of what i felt was my most recent past life, for many years since childhood.
I sat down with Kareen and she asked me if I had any specific questions. I did not want to give any hints about who I was or what I thought and felt so I told her nothing and just said that I was curious about what was important about my past life experiences, what if anything was holding me back in this life? I was dressed like a normal city kid in my high top sneakers and skinny jeans wearing a vintage cowboy shirt with long sleeves covering my arms, scars and tattoos. I had no notable jewellery on that would have given anything about my interests or travels away.
We sat down and she asked me to hold my hands out. I did so and she held her hands above mine which radiated heat onto my hands like I had never felt before. She stared into my eyes and started to tell me she saw me as a woman dressed all in white, said I was a high priestess and then saw me running and then fall to my knees with blood coming from my stomach. She said I had been betrayed in the sisterhood and then went on with eyes wide with wonder to say she saw me as a man wearing the most magnificent armour she had ever seen and could not describe it as it was unlike anything she had ever seen and then she stopped what she was saying and with fear in her eyes started to tell me of what I went in there already knowing, because I remembered.
She started to tell me what I had tried to tell others I thought I remembered and had been attempted to be convinced by others of that I was crazy and past lives were not real. She started to describe how I had missed the rainbow revolution and had been drafted to Vietnam. She said I had been part of a group of soldiers that razed a village and then some men escaped and took me hostage and tortured me. She had tears in her eyes and looked as if she was watching a horror movie. She told me, (not knowing in real life that my arms were covered in scars from self abuse in my teens, beating myself up for my mistakes,) that these men had stabbed me and cut me and stuck bamboo sticks in my arms to punish me.
She stopped what she was saying and said from what she saw this was the first of any life that I had killed and enjoyed it and that I didn’t enjoy it because I was evil, but because I had lost my mind fighting for what I believed was truth and freedom only to
learn I had been manipulated into fighting a lie and killed many innocent people and because of it became distraught with grief and lost my mind and did some truly terrible things.
She told me she did not know how I could have possibly made it through this life with the
guilt she saw in my soul to be with her right now, and begged me to come have a full session with her. At first I thought maybe she was just psychic and perhaps reading my thoughts and trying to make money off of me so I refused. She took my hands and with tears in her eyes pleaded with me to come and said It was not about the money, that it was about divine intervention and that I needed this healing.
She did not know I had been struggling with PTSD effects again, as they had resurfaced after graduating college and having a sexual assault attempted on me, experiencing PTSD effects, not only from this life but from the overlap of things I saw and felt from Vietnam. She did not know anything about me as I went in there disguised looking to fool them into believing I was someone that I was not because I wanted the absolute truth and was looking to see if psychics and past life readers and such were real. What she told me was real and how even just this small introduction had changed my life was even more real.
So I agreed to go to her business called the Zen Garden the following week for this “past life regression/soul retrieval” which she assured me I would not be charged. The night before my regression, I was nervous and having a hard time falling asleep. I was tossing and turning and staring at the clock, worried I was going to be exhausted and want to cancel the meeting. I had just rolled over and was looking at the clock when suddenly it was like a dark cloud rolled into my bedroom and the hair on the back of my neck stood up.
I immediately turned to look and see what it was, thinking I was imagining things and my face was pushed and held into the pillow by what felt like strong man’s hands. I used all of my might and I could not pull up to get more than half a breath of air. I had been choked unconscious by my father as a child and know the difference between falling asleep and losing consciousness. I was losing consciousness and fighting for my life trying to pull up for air but unable to match the power of the strength opposing me and then suddenly, it was not a conscious thought, but the same guttural moan that happened in the desert with my medicine name, a voice boomed inside of me and into my heart and head,
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!
As immediately as the words were out of my gut, the weight holding me down released and i shot up out of bed gasping for air, waking up my sleeping partner in bed beside me. She was frantic saying what’s wrong what’s happening and in-between gasps the only words that could come out as I was broken and digging deep for air to regain
consciousness were, oh, my, God, oh, my God.
I told her what happened and she told me
it was just a dream and gave me a piece of amethyst crystal to hold and she fell back asleep. Half convinced it was just a dream and comforted by the stone, I fell asleep even though I knew it was not just a dream, I was not asleep, I was awake and had just rolled over huffing in frustration because I was so wide awake and wanted to be sleeping.
Regardless, I was able to fall asleep and woke in the morning feeling more assured this was what I was to do for my spiritual development.
When I arrived at Zen Garden, Kareen was there and said she had invited her coworker Marnie, because she said she knew it was going to be a tough regression and retrieval and trusted Marnie for support in this process. We went into the treatment room and they directed me to lay on the massage table. Kareen stood at my head not touching me and Marnie stood at my feet holding pressure points. Kareen held her hot hands under my neck not touching me and yet I could feel heat like an oven. Again I did not tell them details of my life and experiences and just trusted whatever would be would be.
The only thing I remember while laying there was, early in I had what felt like a lucid dream. I saw myself and two other soldiers creeping through tall grass in the middle of the night in a big open field and then it switched to first person view and I was seeing the scene out of my own two eyes. It was eerily quiet and did not feel right. Suddenly light and gunshots, explosions broke out into the sky and the ratta pat pat of bullets ricocheted past me and in turn, I turned to watch the solider to my right fall in battle as the bullets ripped through him and just as he fell, more machine gunshots rang out and I turned to watch the solider on my left fall in the same way as well. At that moment I closed my eyes, pulled the trigger and screamed, roaring maniacally shooting my machine gun and tossing my head back and forth spraying bullets and feeling anger like I had never felt rise up inside me. Then the "dream" was all over and after a time I got scared because I felt like I was floating above the table. I opened my eyes and felt the weight of my body come back and saw that I was safe.
Both Kareen and Marnie were there with their eyes closed doing whatever they were doing, standing at my head and feet. I closed my eyes again and did not have another vision/dream. When it was over I did not tell them what I saw, but they both told me what they saw and experienced. I do not remember every single detail but I remember most of it, the important parts at least, and this is what they told me.
Marnie told me the exact same story of the lucid dream I had, only she said, that was the moment you lost your mind. We shared that “vision” without speaking a word of it to each other until the end. She said the things I did in Vietnam were not me, not the true me in my soul, but a fragmented tortured confused me that didn’t know what to believe and became manipulated by fear and lies, sleep deprivation and severe trauma. Marnie told me she had removed a spiritual attachment from me and then laughed and said, "I don’t know how to explain this, please don’t take it wrong." She said she had removed a dark spiritual attachment and that this spiritual attachment was connected to my navel and root charkas and that part of it had manifested as a giant black penis attached to my root chakra. She said it was the root of all of my trauma and especially in times in the past where I would use drugs and alcohol, it would give this attachment power and that I would unconsciously put myself in situations to recreate my abuse and that because of it, I was directly living out self created, past life karma, creating it to atone for what my soul felt were my unforgivable, punishable sins.
She said that a strange thing was about me, that instead of having 2 normal spiritual roots coming out of my feet (one root from each foot that plants us energetically to the earth) that I actually had 4 spiritual roots, 2 roots coming out of each foot that were keeping me trapped in this past life overlap living out the karma I felt I deserved to suffer for. Kareen said I had not gone back to “Source” when I died and something had happened. I was not aware of the term “two-spirited” at this time but this term is used in various Indigenous cultures as well as is referred to in different spiritual insights as possibly being a situation where a discarnate soul attaches to another body that is already inhabited by the original
soul.
I have since wondered if this second soul with the ties to Vietnam War had become a sort of "lost soul" and attached to me as a child, being a pure and open light being as all children are. In some cultures there are special ceremonies of protection done to a
newborn child because of the openness of their energy fields which leaves them vulnerable. Some cultures believe that it is imperative the child stays with its parents and some even go so far as to not let the child leave their arms/protective barriers.
I have also since wondered if past life memories are not so much the soul having living multiple lives but possibly the brain’s way of interpreting what is pre encoded within our DNA due to the experiences of our ancestors that are written within our genetics and then passed onto to succeeding generations.
New research states that science has no explanations for what the majority of the
information encoded with our DNA is, and that our DNA is constantly being written to the bottom of our ladder like strands as we experience each day. These codes in our DNA act as journals of our lives and our ancestor’s life experiences and are then passed on to our children who are given the job of working out the ancestral karma written within the encoding of their bodies and therefore unfolding as life around them from the genetic root.
New physics is theorizing that the universe is infinitely unfolding and expanding and that our whole galaxy including the sun is "heliocentric" and is spiraling forward, just as our DNA is spiraling and being constantly
written.
New physics also theorizes that the codes within our DNA mirror the expanding universe and that all we are putting out energy wise (through thoughts/feelings which lead to action based on our beliefs) into the world, is feeding the vibrations of the expanding universe to unfold as it is. It seems highly possible that these things could be a logical scientific explanation for the multitude of past life memories and experiences shared by millions of people all over the world, experiences that have drawn multitudes into learning more of their family histories and the possibilities of these past life realities.
Marnie said she removed the black penis/dark spiritual attachment and herself and Kareen had then merged my 4 spiritual feet into 2. Kareen said that what she saw was in most of my lifetimes, I had been highly spiritual and that this was very rare for a person. She said that everyone has had a spiritual lifetime or a few but that I had very many including being a high priestess, and medicine woman and had been pure until that one and only life, never killing for anything other than righteous, just and noble cause as a part of spiritual contract to serving the light/doing what I had no other choice to do in order to survive or defend the weak and vulnerable.
They said that Vietnam had set me off track. Kareen then went on to say that she saw that in my first incarnation, I was an ancient Shaman. They told me there was something special about my DNA that was special, something they did not recognize or understand and had only seen in one other person and could not explain to me what it was all about. Kareen said something about blue blood and pure DNA but neither of them at that time knew more about it so those clues were the things I was given to make sense of everything that had happened until that point and now everything that has happened since then to bring my spiritual path and healing into understanding.
At the end of this debriefing, I told them my medicine story up until that point, how I had found and journied to the buffalo etc., as I had not shared any truth from my life and then Marnie, wide eyed in excitement said, “Oh my God, it’s you.”
I was confused, and said, “What do you mean?” She said, “I have something for you, a print my mother bought for me years ago from my favourite Indigenous artist, but when she gave it to me I knew that it wasn’t for me so I hid it away so that I would not get attached to it and be able to give it away when I met the right person.”
Marnie phoned her husband and he came and
brought this print, which
depicts a more detailed aspect of the White Buffalo Calf Woman story that I had not
heard or read before. The Print came with a parchment with a writing of part of the story where White Buffalo Calf Woman taught the Lakota the peace pipe ceremony.
It depicts someone in a tipi wearing a buffalo helmut with children sitting in a circle and White Buffalo Calf Woman is in the silhouettes of the trees to the right. On the left is the silhouette image of the four buffalo representing the 4 different colors of buffalo she transformed into before disappearing from the Lakota, leaving them with a promise that one day she would return and when she did it would be a new dawn in the ages of man, one of restoration and balance.
I saw that person teaching in the tipi as like myself, as I had shared the story of White Buffalo Calf Woman so many times I’d lost count, and opened many people up to indigenous earth medicine because of it. It also appears as the small beings sitting in circle in the tipi are children, Early Childhood Education being the profession I chose.
These are photos of a Buffalo Sabres hockey
jersey (I am not a hockey fan) with a white buffalo, two crossed swords and the number 11 on theback that was given to me many years ago after one of the first times I told the story of how I found the White Buffalo Calf Woman Prophecies and started my medicine path.
These things over time as the pieces added up afters so many "coincidental" indivdual experiencings, starting to become clear signs that I am like a mascot for White Buffalo Calf Woman, sharing her story, telling the tales of her coming and inspiring belief in people of many walks of life to help prepare the way for her.
I see now as well, that I have been and am a true blue messenger of the good news of the future to come as this new age unfolds, standing as a testament to survival and learning to thrive. I am a testament to how one can be born into some of the worst kind of circumstances such as poverty, abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, violence, gangs, government oppression, suicide and very little worldly help and guidance AND with perseverance, determination, prayer, faith and open hearted unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness, ALL can overcome the biggest obstacles life can throw at them and rise above, like a phoenix from the ashes, to become their highest potential and fulfill their divine individual destinies.
I did not know what to fully think, only that everything they had told me had confirmed
many things in my life and gave me deeper understanding of the life that I had lived; The years of abuse, growing up with hell’s angels and parents ravaged by the demons of
addiction which led to every form of abuse under the sun by the people entrusted with my
care. I spent years trying to kill myself, cutting my arms to punish myself because I
blamed myself for all of my trauma because of what I was carrying in my soul and truly
after many serious and nearly successful attempts, the only thing that had kept me alive was the grace of Creator and countless answers to prayers in the form of being at the right places at the right times, being intuitively compelled towards certain spiritual and philosophical insights, meeting the right people to start to build a solid network of friends and support etc.
Despite the years of abusing drugs and alcohol and yes putting myself in dangerous
situations to recreate my abuse in order to punish myself for things in this life as well as something beyond this life, despite years of psychiatric hospitalizations in my teens and uncertain psychiatric diagnoses as a teenager, despite everything that put the odds against my survival, I was alive and well and clearer than ever, more deeply confirmed on my life path.
I didn’t really know what a Shaman was at that point, only had a vague idea but
it made a lot of sense and rather than attach to them saying *I* was a shaman in my first
incarnation, I considered it possible, but also wondered if maybe this first Shaman was a guide that came through at an early age questing in the forest and perhaps part of why I had been spared miraculously so many times, defying death itself over and over to make it where I am today.
Perhaps it was why in times of attack I had no fear, jumping on my father’s back as a
child, trying to stop him while he was possessed by the demons of addiction as he beat my mother. I considered if it was why as a 14 year old girl, I had the strength multiple times to fight off a room full of doctors, nurses and security guards because they were trying to force drugs on me, stick me with long sharp needles that made me sicker and behave in ways that were not in my control.
It did make sense in my soul as to why since childhood I had been drawn to talking to
animals, convinced I could feel their feelings and see their thoughts in their eyes and why I had been trying to heal with my hands, believing I could because of the feathers I would find and heal. It made sense why I felt energy in old rocks and old relics, why I felt safer and more at home in the forest with the cougars and bears than with my parents ravaged by addictions.
It made sense why I had even sat with a bear while he was eating berries for over half hour until he looked back at me and calmly walked away, It made sense why birds would come to me and butterflies and dragonflies land on me. It made sense why I would find dead animals and feel compelled without ever having been taught this behaviour, to say prayers for them, bury them in honouring rituals I made up, and sometimes secretly felt as if they wanted me to keep a piece of them with me. It made sense why I collected old bones and rocks and why as a child I had preferred to live in the tops of trees and in my Power’s Creek cave and my own self built forts than to live in the city with all of the cars and chaos and disconnected dead inside people. It made sense why at 11 years old, I used to have this form of communicating with my dead grandmother with a deck of playing cards and nobody believed me that I could but I saw that she gave me clear and obvious answers within the code I had developed within this deck.
SO many things made sense and tied together a life of questions with few who had answers to things that I had been doing with no conscious teaching and knowledge and had been shunned and forced to keep secret out of fear of being locked up as crazy. It made the things that had happened since I started a solid medicine path such as being given the walking stick with a clearly carved head in the top, to save a drowning dragonfly and why I’d been given messages from many animals I called spirits guides that helped me understand my personality and how to balance it to become healthy and whole, learning to understand myself and why I am here. It made a lot of things make a whole lot of sense but yet, it also left me with so many
questions and so much fear that again, I tried to go back to sleep a little bit longer.
What was the blue blood and special DNA all about? What was I supposed to do with my life and all of this information and how do I integrate it into living a life with non believers, skeptics and naysayers making crazy in this world? Even knowing all that I knew in my heart, how was I to stay sane in an insane world? Prayer and faith, was the only answer but how to balance this aspect of my Spiritual self and still try to live a normal life with a normal job in a so called “normal world?"
I tried to go back to my normal job and my normal relationship where my partner did not want anything to do with my spiritual understandings and deemed them a waste of time and energy. I succumbed, unsupported by anybody to be a real mentor and also afraid to awaken deeper because these truths, truly, are much stranger than fiction and hard to understanding or explain if a person has never experienced anything like them before, or if they have nobody to mentor them in the medicine ways that relate with these types of
experiences.
Many spiritual messages and understandings have come over the years and I have always needed the science and the history to prove it. I have found many solid sciences that explained the spiritual things I experienced, but still I needed even more proof and kept asking for signs. Even when prayers and miracles manifested right before my eyes, within months and sometimes days and hours, I still questioned it at times, ran from it and tried to suppress it. For a very long time, I only ever put small effort into learning these things and then when I was rejected, I went into hiding and put my spiritual learnings back into boxes and old suitcases where they collected dust in closets but then, over and over I was sent guides and messages to affirm the deeper spiritual truths that screamed louder and louder from every angle they could hit me.
And though the process was slow, it continued to happened progressively and now, is happening at even more of a rapid rate with daily synchronicity and mystical experiences with deepening spiritual understanding and affirmation. But you know, still sometimes I question. Is this life really happening or am I in a delusion, tripping out in a psych ward somewhere, dreaming a dream that I cannot escape from; Like the scary story most have heard, about a man who did too much bad LSD and now thinks he is an orange and has to be tied down because he tries to peel his own skin off. Is that me somewhere, hallucinating the life I am living now as some mystical fantasy escape from the horror of the reality I am actually in?
If it is, I am ok with that, as this delusion serves the unconditional love and light we are all spawned from as starseeds to become human children in this life and it has literally transformed my life from a waking nightmare, living hell, into heaven, through many, many miracles. This story serves the greater good, it serves all people who are trapped in spiritual lies and bondage and who need liberating to come into their own divine truth, purpose and path.
This is a good thing and I seek to teach and share in a good way for nothing but the greater good of all, especially the children. I do not want to see one more gifted child,
like I was, academically above all of my peers, learning to read by age three and already studying for college by grade 7, a child who dreamed of being a doctor misunderstood, and then shot out of the sky, locked up and medicated, tied down and beaten by doctors and nurses made to forget and deny their gifts because our western society does not know how and is not equipped to deal adequately with psychiatric affliction-especially in children- affliction which all stems from underlying spiritual psychosomatic roots, the roots that scholars and professionals of the likes of Gabor Mate, are proving can be healed with spiritual counsel.
People’s power, children’s unique gifts, are being suppressed and beautiful souls are being lost to time and history because the powers that be in this world, seem to seek to blind us from the greater truth that ALL may have spiritual liberation and come into the greatest gifts on this planet known to man- through the power of unconditional love, love
unconditional forgiveness.
Those powers know that one person can make an immense world of change, one person like Moses, Buddha, Yehshua, one person like Mother Theresa, one person like JFK, John Lennon, Martin Luther King, one person driven by deep spiritual faith, guidance and prayers can change the known face of this planet forever in one single lifetime.
Why would they not seek to control and oppress, they stand to lose everything by even just one person reading this story and coming to the light within their own heart of universal love and truth, one person that may see their own divine destiny and answer the call to bring healing and restoration to the planet.
The herd of buffalo prophesied is here in the Oregon Sanctuary and already exceeds the numbers foretold, which means, White Buffalo Calf Woman is here on earth. She may only be a small child or maybe she is already a grown woman, but I believe she will read this book and it will affirm her faith and she will be called to rise up.
There are many of us who will rise and gather with her, and this mission will change the face of the planet time and time over to restore the balance, unite the tribes and together we will be one to bring the prophesied healing and restoration that has been promised by the great prophets of every single religion in the history of man to come to pass.
All these paths lead back to one, all these paths lead back to one Divine Source sparking creation, one ultimate unconditional love and one ultimate unconditional infinite holy light from which each child as a starseed is born. They lead back to One, ultimate, infinite kingdom of “Heaven” within the heart of the cosmos that we are all born out of and therefore back to the heart of the cosmos we all return to.
White Buffalo Calf Woman, you are out there, you are out there even just in the divine feminine spirit that lives in and wants to come alive in all people. You are out there in every man, woman and child working to balance themselves and awaken into this new age. Rise up, rise up and take your place in the world. Show us your face, come back from space, the time is here and we are releasing our fear and walking in the ways of love. We are waiting for the rest of this story to unfold, waiting for you, preparing the place in the world where you may be holy received and respected, honoured as the Divine Mother, Sister and Child you are.
It was said there would be a second coming of Christ, as have come many different Divines through the ages of known human evolution. Christ Consciousness is out there, Creator, please bring it back to us even deeper, let us embody it within our own flesh.
In doing so, we prepare the rightful place of the Divine union of masculine and feminine upon this earth. Creator, thank you for this life, please fill us with the truth and wash the face of this planet clean of its mistakes so that we may rebuild anew as the old oppressive regimes lose power. Aho!
This is my prayer, from my heart for the love of all children, all people, and all colors.
This prayer will see itself to fruition, as have all the prayers of my life. I Know and
believe, holy and completely. In the name of unconditional love love unconditional faith I
pray, AHO! Mitakuye Oyasin – we are all related.
In 2014, plagued by major physical illness, I was much so again trying to go back to sleep in-between massive shifts in awakening which seemed to happen every 3 years from 2000 onward. The shifts were so huge and understandings so clear and real, that they scared me back into trying to run from and suppress what I knew to be true because the more I grew to realize and understand the big picture, the greater it seemed my responsibility. Even though I have had many awakenings as we all have, recently l have been awoken into the truest understanding of why I am here and how and why I have been tied to these buffalo, the final pieces have fallen into place.
Last December I was ready to renounce my medicine name and the red road because I was feeling lost and felt I had hit a wall and wasn't getting anywhere. Stuck with no elders to teach me and clarify my intuitions, learnings and confusion and struggling to deal with my own people shunning and attacking my spiritual gifts as lies, heresy and/or witchcraft, hocus pocus hippy dippy pipe dreams, also not accepted by many indigenous people because I am white, feeling cast away from all sides and quite alone in terms of my spirituality. I was ready to abandon the red road forever.
I was about to give up and stop learning about earth medicine and indigenous spirituality and truly was losing hope and starting to consider giving up on life again. I was considering putting my legal name back on facebook and letting eagle child go altogether and then I received a friend request and an email out of the blue on Facebook; An email from Dean Lacroix, who called himself “Chief White Buffalo Man Many Feathers”, who I had not spoken to or seen since I met him at that solstice gathering in 2006 and ran away from because it was all just too crazy to believe and he said to me-
How did you get your name? (At the time I had facebook set as my medicine name Eaglechild Buffalospirit, to remind me not to forget this name and to look at it every day
and to figure out what it means)
In my mind I was thinking Holy Mother are you kidding me? He did not remember me from 2006. I told him it was a very long story too long for email and then he invited me to come share with him my story and in what he calls his white buffalo peace pipe ceremony with a pipe that came to him in a dream and he found on a mountain.
He asked me to come and receive blessing and healing. I was always in understanding that Chief Arvol was the only one with the white buffalo peace pipe and so I was skeptical about Dean, as he had also told me at that gathering in 2006 that his daughter on this earth was White Buffalo Calf Woman and the claim seemed so improbable and grandiose that I had never contacted him since the day I met him in 2006.
I had feelings that I should be aware because I did not know the truth. I only knew that at
this time I needed deep healing because I was struggling with my immune system shutting down due to a severe and chronic auto immune condition which had progressed to tumors in my lymphatic system and then this “Chief” suddenly appeared back in my life, so I was open to seeing what he had to offer, unsure if I was taking a risk.
In December 2014, on the winter solstice, I almost died the night before I was to meet
him because I slipped out of sobriety and then in helping the host at a party "clean up" at the end, I drank drinks that weren’t mine and then consumed the most very wrong drink, which caused me to feel things and be high and confused like I have never ever felt
before. I do not know what was in it but from my foggy memory and past experience, it
certainly was not just alcohol. I blacked out, wandered away from the house and was
arrested by police and put in city cells.
Apparently I hung myself in the cell with my own shirt, causing a seizure and when they came in I tried to grab one of their guns and told them I was going to shoot myself and then it took 12 officers to wrestle me back into the cell. At that point, I fell to the cell floor in convulsions and went unconscious again. They rushed me to hospital where I regained my faculties. Because of this which is not how I live and lead my life anymore, I feel and it was originally the suggestion of some other spiritual people, that it was another spiritual attack and attempt to keep me from meeting the Chief, as I was to meet him the next day and I did not because I was in the hospital and then needed to go home back to Kamloops.
So at that time I was unable to meet the Chief and was totally and completely ashamed of myself and I went back home and worked on healing myself more and totally recommitted to the red road I started in 2006; committing again to stay 100% true to and honour the teachings of my elders and the white buffalo including staying away from drugs and alcohol because for me it was obvious, it is poison. As well as this understanding, I remembered that at the healing I received in 2009 with the past life regressionists, I was warned to never get out of my mind on the substances ever again. I was told then that this type of behaviour opens us up to spiritual possession and attachment.
I did not obey this entirely and suffered several times in ways that nearly cost
me my life so this was a sign that the time to commit 100% was now or never, and if never, then die without ever finishing my life purpose. I focussed on this path of healing, built many medicine tools for myself out of the many things I had collected and been given since childhood like rocks, feathers, crystals, furs etc. and worked through the winter and spring to purify myself until I felt ready to receive what he called, “the blessing”, healing and baptism of Chief White Buffalo Man Many feathers and his “white buffalo calf woman peace pipe.”
This "pipe" which I have now seen and held in my hands, is an ancient mass of geode
rock naturally formed into the unmistakeable shape of a buffalo that the Chief said he found stashed in the mountains after it came to him in a dream. He says he hid it there in
another lifetime. When I held it in my hands I could feel the years it had passed through
and many hands that had held it before me.
I have never been able to feel vibration or
anything from crystals except once I got some weird feelings from a lemurian crystal. But
the only time I ever feel anything very tangible with things I touch, since I was a child, is when I touch very old things, especially types of metal, rock or wood and then to me they have a weight and density that does not fit their size and shape.
I feel this with normal crystals only when they haven't been "cleansed" in a long time and can feel release in the weight simply by running the stone under cold water. I have tested this with many other people as well, and many can clearly identify weight shift after running it under cold water. In those times, the items feel much heavier in my hands than they should and their color
and light appears dim and faded. After a rinse, the color is restored and the weight shifts, lighter. Not all people are able to feel this shift, many are blocked by skepticism and doubt and/or are not sensitive enough to detect it but the sensitivity of people is increasing, especially with new generations of children coming to this planet who have much more highly developed spiritual gifts.
This white buffalo shaped stone "pipe" carried by Chief White Buffalo Man, is filled with crystals inside and inside it even smells like the white buffalo sanctuary did when I was there in 2009. You do not smoke it but breathe through it and after multiple rounds of turning it 4 times in your hand, you make the sign of the cross as you are compelled, mind, body, soul, spirit, with it from your head to your heart and from shoulder to shoulder and upon completion, it apparently bestows upon the holder great healing and clarity of life purpose, past present and future.
The process was not described or explained before I went, but this is what I personally experienced with it as Dean Lacroix guided me. I have to admit I was terrified that this was a lie and would entrap me so before I went I set very clear spiritual boundaries that nothing that did not serve my highest good, had power over me and I called in all of my guides and angels to protect me if this was a trick to entrap me and take away my power.
I set it clear that no power could be taken from me and what I experienced, overall, seemed to be to my benefit, even if some of the understandings I have come to were because I disagreed with his teachings, those disagreements confirmed my own spiritual truth which I see is coyote tricks or like how a Heyoka works, telling you one thing but meaning in opposites, a type of smoke and mirrors, lessons through reversal- Lessons of the Heyoka.
Saturday, May 2nd, two days before my 34th birthday, I went to meet Chief White Buffalo
Man and to share as he has asked this story that I have just shared with you. He did not
message me that fated day because he knows me, he does not remember the day we met in 2006, but he messaged me last winter in my darkest hour, through what he says was divine guidance to help save me, a pure and worthy child as are all who come humble to Creator asking for forgiveness and willing to align free will to divine cause and service
to humankind; He came and said to resurrect me, a child of light, one of many, who was
ready to fall and fade away from the truth and this whole prophecy and my place in it, that is small, but as I see now, as important as one of many that binds us all together as we move into the golden age.
I am unsure of what to fully believe after my experiences with this man because some things he has taught me are good and others I do not agree with, such as telling me that two spirited people are imbalanced and wrong. (I am two spirited) He has also told me that Chief Arvol Looking Horse does not carry the true pipe and the he, himself, carries the true pipe, which is also a backwards teaching as I have been taught by many others including elders, that Chief Arvol Looking Horse is the 19th generation carrier and keeper of this pipe, guide and leader to the Lakota and Great peacemaker among peacemakers in the world.
Chief White Buffalo Man also told me his earth daughter is White Buffalo Calf Woman which I have been told by the keeper of the white buffalo, that this name is to be called by no one until the Lakota themselves recognize her and name her themselves. He also told me he is Chief White Buffalo Man Many Feathers but since then I have done research into the local band offices to confirm that if he is not Chief of those areas he claims by lineage or election. Dean told me he was named this at a sweat lodge by a drug and alcohol counsellor in Bella Coola named Bert Snow. So you see, so many confusions and contradictions which reminded me that in the summer of 2014, while building Tipis in the town of Wells, I was asked by an indigenous elder if I was on the red road. I told him yes and he said, "I have a warning for you."
He told me that there are many people that will want to be my teacher but to be aware. He said there are many "teachers" that are dark wolves in sheep's clothing and will gladly take you and teach you and share their medicines but not all "medicines" are good. He said that there are many women who have been taken advantage of by those not teaching and practicing in a good way, in a pure hearted way. He said, "Many will take advantage and try to use you for their own benefit."
Before the healing, driving in my car, I suddenly got this feeling that I should tell him that I did not want to be released of anything that wasn’t going to serve my highest good and then a car drove by in the middle of the day and flashed it’s headlights at me for no reason at the exact moment that I was thinking this thought. I wondered if I should just keep my mouth shut about it and not say it to his face in case he truly only meant good and healing things, but also I felt to set the spiritual boundary before I went, that no ceremony could harm me and at that time called in my guides into four directions.
I was not sure to trust or not but I will say that after my “healing” with him, the anxiety I had been struggling with again went away and my thoughts and speech had slowed but I
was also confused because for two hours afterwards my entire head ached and I was very grumpy for the whole rest of the day until I slept under the full moon that night, bathed in her light and then felt more refreshed in the morning.
And then, an interesting thing did happen for about two weeks afterwards, despite the conflicts in his teachings and my disagreements, it was like I was mezmerized and followed everything he said without question, ignoring the feelings inside me that told me a lot of the things he was trying to teach me did not feel right. He claimed to me that he was more than Chief Hiawatha and “Jesus” combined and despite me feeling this was coming from a place of overblown ego, I for a short time considered the possibility despite my gut feelings, almost as if I was in a stupor.
I had never followed blindly without putting people’s words and teachings to the test. In this situation I nearly blindly started to believe his words of accusing Chief Arvol Looking Horse as a liar, these words alone were the first to tell me to be warned. It took a couple weeks but I was able to start pulling away and connecting back to my own thoughts and feelings, seeing through the confusion an contradictions in these teachings.
Dean had been mentoring me in what he said were his grandfather’s teachings since December 2014 until the following spring of 2015 and had taken me under his wing as a spiritual student for no financial cost but I did not feel right about some of the teachings that have already shown me contradictions and types of coyote tricks.
The final decision for me that put a lot into perspective was a reading I did with my medicine card deck, asking my guides to show me who Chief White Buffalo Man really was. The cards that I drew randomly from the deck were first the 10 of pipes "Mockery" card which shows 10 peace pipes and a native man with alcohol bottles in his back pocket and in the book under the meaning of it what stood out for me was, "Tragedies of a subtler nature such as the one depicted in the 10 of Pipes, ate away at the foundations of the Native American Heritage." It also says, "a clash of values and an inability or unwillingness of one to see the virtue in the other." This clearly spoke to me of the dire nature of this "Chief" speaking poorly against well respected Chief Arvol Looking Horse.
The second card I drew, was "The Hosteen Coyote." In the book of this card it says, "The most well know trickster in Native American lore is the coyote." It says, "To be granted a wish by the Hosteen Coyote is at best dubious. Be careful in choosing the object of the wish, you are liable to get it- though not as you may have envisioned. In his right hand is fire, his gift to humanity to illuminate the way in the night and to light the pipe in his left hand. Keeping his Loki temperment in mind, it can be assumed that there is a hallucinogen in that pipe; therefore one's perspective may not be clearly focused. The legends of coyote are myths of cunning. They do not operate on the intellectual level, they use unconscious will." To me this brought my focus into true clarity. It explained why even though intellectually and in my heart I did not agree or feel some this man's words were right for me, for a short time I was nearly persuaded.
In conversation he was a man of few words, broken sentences saying very little but despite all of this, I almost believed him until the stupor was slowly lifted after weeks of my own study, prayers, drumming, dancing and meditation. It was almost as if perhaps partially in wanting this whole story and my small purpose in it to make sense right now, I became mesmerized with the possibility that maybe this man was the one. Afterall, he had just mystically reappeared after all these years right at a time that seemed crucial in my development.
But through this experience, I was able to see WHY throughout my life I had NEVER just blindly trusted any so called prophet, religion, philosopher, "healer" or otherwise without researching, cross referencing, praying, meditating and THEN attempting to apply their words to see how they worked for beneficial cause in my life. Trusting and following blindly is highly dangerous, can truly be catastrophic in one's life. How many wars were waged because of blind faith not seeking divine truth through research and application first?
Through my life, I most certainly did not, without all of these pieces and then proof through direct experience with positive results, just blindly start preeching a "teacher's" words and then furthermore, attempting to gain them followers, which was what happened with this man when shortly after my experience with him. I attempted to have him invited to do ceremony (which fell through, due to missed messages which was perhaps Divine intervention) at our Tribal May Long Weekend Gathering to do his ceremony with my friends/family without even considering the consequences of the fact that he was preeching things in my heart I did not even agree with.
I cannot even explain this behavior, and drawing back to the card, wonder what kind of "medicine" and intentions were used to contribute to my blind, childlike stupor or if it was just nieve, childlike awe and trust. Regardless of anything, it was a clear sign to be aware, use discernment and most of all, TRUST my own intuition and heart because the signs were all there and unlike any other point in my life when the signs were there, I did not listen to them and it led to deep consequence.
I have learned through this consequence be
careful trusting a coyote and do not take it at face value, as often like the Heyoka, they
teach in opposites, telling untruths to inspire inner change and digging deep within oneself to attach to our own inner truths and knowing.
I have learned to be prepared for possible consequences, as one must be very careful and specific about what they wish and ask for. I have learned from coyote tricks that yes, they can lead to wisdom and lessons through digging deep for the silver linings of the truth, but not always in a way that we expect or are looking for and not always without a consequential price to pay.
I am learning to see through the smoke and mirrors that are often used by these types to teach. He has told me many times that certain teachers, that are revered in the world and have proven their words through their works are false teachers and again, this makes me think of the mirrors that often those that go around pointing out faults in others are
actually only seeing the true faults in themselves and then illuminating that truth to us.
That being said, all teachers, the good bad and ugly are all beautiful and their teachings are valuable for many lessons but what is learned is based on our own ability to see, perceive and sift through words and experiences to find the truth that resonates and affirms our own inner truths. I am grateful for all the lessons of my life in the many forms they have come and though I seek to minimize harm and suffering, I do also see how my greatest sufferings have led to my deepest wisdoms and for every experience in this life I am grateful for the unique skill sets they have contributed to.
After this meditation with my guides, (White Buffalo of the North, Golden Eagle of the East, Blue Deer of the South and Black Bear of the West) and medicine cards, I addressed Chief White Buffaloman about the contradictions in his teachings and asked him how he became Chief and where he got his name. He told me he got it in a sweat lodge in Bella Coola with a man named Bert Snow but he did not address the issues regarding his bad words against Chief Arvol Looking Horse, leader of the Lakota people and 19th generation carrier of the White Buffalo Calf Woman Peace Pipe or the question of how his birth daughter could be White Buffalo Calf Woman as he claimed. I considered perhaps this was a spiritual development yet to come but also considered how in wanting these prophecies to be true perhaps i was reaching for pieces that did not adequately fit.
Not long after this in 2015, he defriended me on facebook without word or warning. I took this as a sign that my lessons were learned and it was time to move on and just as I have always done, take the best of what I had been shown, be grateful for it as valuable lessons, forgive the parts that caused hurt and confusion and then, and move on in unconditional love and faith, that in time, all truths will be illuminated and the path has already and will each day become clearer and clearer.
At this point in time i basically gathered my experiences and that was basically the last part of the catalyst point to jump start the fervent writing of this testament that came out moreso as couple weeks of cathartic purging and was not a linear laid out premeditated planned book/event. It has been an honest process of divine revelations through the mystical storm winds of change.
As far as i can see it at this point, We live in a day in age where the birds are falling from the sky, the fish are washing up
on the shore, the animals are going extinct, 40,000 children, who would otherwise have
infinite potentials and deep spiritual purpose in this life, die of starvation each and every single day. The oceans, air and earth are being polluted and destroyed by corporations with no souls or conscience about the destruction they are causing. We live in a world full of people who call themselves religious but have become spiritually void reciting these teachings blankly, ritualistically, not even following them in practice, having lost the true meaning and missing the point of the core teachings in their own holy books and even further more, a vast population of the world who has no conscious spiritual connection whatsoever.
It is a world where we share one Mother Earth, yet are divided by man made borders driven towards separatism and selfish individualistic view points to conquer, control and disconnect us not only from each other but from the spiritual core at the soul of our beings.
We see the oceans heating up, the ice caps melting, earthquakes, tsunamis, wars, gangs, drugs, violence, mass chaos and destruction and yet many of us still slumber, unaware and/or ignoring the necessity for a great spiritual awakening. The chaos builds and the
consequences become greater, BUT is this enough to awaken us to the TRUTH that change must happen NOW inside each one of us? Is THIS the world we want for our children and their children's children?
We have just finished a 26,000 year Mayan cycle- the procession of the equinoxes, a cycle that the
ancients had knowledge of from the stars long before Nasa proved it in the last century
with their space stations and technology.
We are in the birthing pains of a new age, and just as every age has ended, there have been cataclysms to propel humankind towards a deeper awakening; cataclysms that so many CHILDREN over and over were lost to because humans refused to wake up and make the change necessary to evolve into the next age of evolution.
This age, the 5th age is supposed to be one of restoration and balance- return of the Divine Feminine to reset the balance, as the polarity and power structures have been primarily dominated by the masculine patriarchal structures, putting women and their children under the boots to be viewed as weaker and less valuable.
We can learn from history and see that this way does not work, that man and woman are two wings of a bird and without these wings, the children suffer century after century, millennium after millennium.
Ancient prophecies from not only the Hopi and Lakota but from all major traditions around the world are coming to pass right before our eyes, yet many sleep and deny, blind to what is truly happening in the big picture. This new age, the golden age, is to be one of coming back into the spiritual, not primarily relying on our technology and intellectual knowledge but bringing it back to the heart and soul where the ultimate truth and wisdom of the cosmos lives within all of us.
This new age is to be one where each individual is finding and finds peace and balance within themselves, healing their wounds and making peace in their own lives, which in turn heals this planet.
It is to be one where the forces of technology are combined with the mysticism and magic of spirituality so that we may truly evolve into the higher beings we were created, genetically designed to be. Each one of us has been born into this time for a very specific purpose, each one equally magnificent and created by divine design, sent out of the heart of the cosmos into this world and birthed as starseeds to align with our highest path of evolution.
Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Where did we come from? Where do we go when we die? These questions have been asked by many since the beginning of time and as sure as the sun sets every day, the answers are all around us.
How many have yet to ask these questions,
stumble blindly
without question seeing little purpose or meaning to life? How many work jobs that they hate, live with relationships that make them sick and stress them out, have children without a thought and then do not even love them as they need to be loved, deserve and love us in turn unconditionally, despite how we treat them, stripping them of their joy, trust, self esteems and innocence?
How many are
struggling in cities, disconnected from nature, living and feeding lives of chaos and destruction? These are all things which could be carefully considered by each person. These
considerations could be made in order to propel each of us towards destiny. We have choices in this life and many do not seem to be aligning their choices with their own higher good. This is a very clear root at the heart of many of the problems on this planet, problems which there are very clear and simple, easy solutions for.
When we live in the ways of universal love and forgiveness honouring our neighbours as family, when we do what we love in our lives, honouring our hearts and souls' true callings, when we act in love and forgive those who hurt us and show kindness,grace and generosity to not only our friends and family but humankind, all of these things
feed the unfolding, expanding universe and therefore create miracles around us.
The answers are very simple yet as humans we are struggling with the longest journey of the one from the head back to the heart centre of crystalline, childlike unconditional love and forgiveness.
I am telling you all of this in part, to prepare you for the things which you are soon to see unfold in the world so that you may trust in it's divine intervention and know that for thousands of years mankind has been ruled by anger, hatred, darkness and oppressive patriarchal domination in large part because the Catholic Church after crucifying the Christ, lied and cheated its way into the hearts of man by destroying ancient esoteric books, burning spiritual leaders at the stake, slaughtering entire nations of not only peaceful Indigenous people but Celts, Druids, Jews, Muslims etc., exchanging the core messages of universal love and truth in their holy books, for lies to justify their Dark deeds.
They taught the world that
their way is the one and only way to “God” and that by exploring any other path was to condemn oneself to hell for eternity, yet in its own dark underbelly, as you as well can find through easy research, is marred by religious wars, genocides, child sexual abuse among other things and even deeper, sects are connected to dark ritual and have been responsible for much hatred murder in the world that is spread, through the lands in the name of a false "God".
This “God” was and is not the God of unconditional love love unconditional forgiveness that Yehshua, Buddha, Krishna, Mohammad etc. taught us of. The true God is not just one way or path but inside of our crystalline, childlike hearts. It is in everything, all seeing, all knowing and yet unknowable, everywhere all at once, past, present and future.
"God", (The Universe) is all loving and all forgiving, regardless of the paths we choose and truly in the end, all paths lead home. From stardust we are born and to stardust we return. This isn't to say that there are not consequences for what we do and say but these consequences are not punishments from "God" so much as the cyclical effects of the laws of the universe- cause and effect. Newton's third law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction; So in that sense, our "sins" and crimes are neutralized by the direct effect of physics and then eventually, as we awaken through consequence, we start to see that the words "you reap what you sow" are truly a metaphor to explain the primordial laws of the physics of this universe and that dictate how this dimension unfolds into reality.
This "God" of their church which was claimed to justify their murderous ways, is no "God", but a tiny powerless imp that operates and has power in this world only because we believe in evil, devils and demons and then feel fear and anger which feeds these dark energies in the world and propels us into creating living hells for ourselves right here in this life. Nobody's words have any more power over us than WE give it through our own perceptions, beliefs and actions. It's time to take back the power and liberate and empower ourselves into true freedom!
This imp claiming to be "God" is ruled by hatred and lies and the Catholic Church, among many lost churches of various religions, has much amends to make in the world for the destruction it contributed including the deaths of BILLION of CHILDREN, because of justifying its murderous ways by saying they were commanded by “God.”
I have seen in recent times how some of these amends have started to be made but the truth is really that much of the abuse and murder that has happened has more often, been ignored, justified and brushed under the carpet and still continues to happen today while the children of the world suffer and starve in the streets. It is time for amends, it is time for reconciliation and it is time for action to set things straight and illuminate the truth so that the children of the next 7 generations may see and know peace, so that this planet may heal and we may all become illuminated and awaken.
The truth of God is really, purely and divinely- Unconditional Love Love Unconditional Forgiveness and through this infinite power inside of us channelled from the heart of the cosmos which we ALL possess, with even just faith like a mustard seed in this power, we can move mountains, change the world and so SO much more.
This is a call for your own personal exploration and evolution into balancing science with spirituality, a call to just try it. A call to align your free will not to the false gods of lies, or the conditional "love" of this world of misinformation, but to GOD/UNCONDITIONAL LOVE LOVE UNCONDITIONAL FORGIVENESS at the heart of your heart, linked to the heart of the cosmos and expand the limited definitions of man with the unlimited potential of the universe to be ruled by true divine love and see how as the clay, the master potter will shape you and mold you and teach you how to be the very best higher being you can possibly be for your own personal evolution on this planet.
Whatever you have experienced or are experiencing in life, Unconditional Love and Forgiveness can purge the largest of your demons; “Demons” that many religious people over the years, since I was a young child told me chased me and sought to destroy me and wanted me dead to try to silence truth that is within me- that I now see is tied to YOU and these prophecies that are unfolding and ushering us into the golden age of balance and restoration that was promised by the prophets of every religion, so many moons ago.
I have come so close to death so many times I can't count and was saved by so many
miracles that I will not ever again deny that the unconditional love at the heart of the
universe is God. Love is the highest vibrational frequency known to man and THAT is what all children are and where all children as starseeds are born from. It is what we all have within us as our greatest power to fuel our own ability to create and be the change we want to see in this world.
Unconditional Love Love Unconditional Forgiveness has saved me more times than I can even count. We can all learn personally fitted tools to keep them demons at bay by connecting to our inner child's unconditionally loving heart of gold. We can mend relations with friends, families, communities and even whole countries and change the face of this planet to become everything we every hoped and dreamed. It could be THAT easy.
In conclusion I would like to say, I am here, whatever your question, whatever
your need, I will do my best to help. Infinite unconditional love love unconditional blessings to you friend and family and friends I have not met yet. I send you ultimate unconditional love and infinite blessings in my prayers. May your paths be guided by ultimate truth, ultimate love and ultimate peace,
Your childe of light and servant,
eagle childe buffalospirit
Ps. The name evolved from Child to Childe before this was all written because while I was involved with Deloria Many Grey Horses (Chief Phil Lane’s daughter) in Idle no more movements to bring awareness to the discrimination of indigenous people being forced to prove their legal names and having their facebook accounts shut down until they submitted government identification.
During this protest, my account was flagged and I was forced to change my name so I just changed Child to Childe hoping the change would be enough to allow me access back to my account. This process made me look at my medicine name even more deeply than ever before and I did not want to change it because it is me, and I wanted to see it every day to remind me to learn as much as possible about the teachings I am to learn.
I chose to change Child to Childe because my grandfather was a good and pure man, was
my only positive worldly male role model as a child and was of Welsh (old english) origins.
Childe is the olde English spelling of child so I felt it would not only honour my Grandfather but appease the corporation long enough to allow me access back to my account.
In the end this change did not last long as my account was flagged again and Facebook closed my account and held 10 years of contacts and writings hostage and forced me to submit government ID to prove my legal name in order to get it back, just as has been done to Deloria and many other people with legitimate names to disempower, distract and confuse them.
This is a whole other story and chapter regarding the oppressive tactics of government institutions and corporations to control and oppress us and strip us of our identities and also to keep track of what we are doing online which has also been proven and written about by many educated people, but anyways, the evolution in the end became solid to me because upon going online to research more on the meaning and history of the word Childe, I learned that this old English word was one not used anymore and that yes it meant the same as child but it was also originally tied to the knighthood, which has since faded from existence as we have come into a knew modern world of technology leaving many respected ancient traditions in the dust.
A “Childe” is a squire, someone in line for knighthood and I felt upon learning this that over my life I have evolved and as much as I will always be a child, I see now that I am so much more balanced and not just an immature, selfish, powerless, angry child that needs to balance myself and learn the ways of the good red road.
I have grown to understand what this path means, what being in service to humanity
means and being of service is what I want, have always wanted and why I have always chosen professions that serve and take care of other people. Giving to others and seeing even the small differences one can make in the lives of others, the smiles on their faces, their light returning to their souls, is the greatest gift life has to offer. When I later found that Childe is a word no longer even used, and it originally meant like a Squire- Someone in line to become a knight I recognized that I have always fought for women and children and the vulnerable who are bullied and oppressed and though I am no knight, and no better than anyone else, I have always admired knights and felt very deep connections to the knighthood since childhood.
Since childhood I had always been attracted to legend and deeply loved the shine of
swords and armour but not for the brutality and bloodshed, but for the righteous, just and noble origins of protecting the Queen, her princesses and the kingdom full of innocent people from suffering, imperialism and tyranny. I realized upon learning more of the root of this word that I am not just a child, but as I identify as an indigo child, that I feel to be a childe of light, a squire, truly a rainbow warrior as I have been called by many and in the past denied it in myself trying to be humble, but instead ended up not having faith in myself, not going for my dreams and diminishing my own light to put others on pedestals above me.
Being forced to change my name and assume one that is not even fully me- my legal name with a German last name that is not mine by blood, having caused me much racism being called a Nazi and being jumped and beaten as a youth for a name and history that has nothing to do with my own family.
Because of corporation and government control
putting its boot down on innocent people as they have done for thousands of years, my
inner squire made me stand up and speak out even more loudly for the oppressed during this particular protest and in turn I was stripped of my spiritual name and forced to submit all of my government ID in order to get my account back with 10yrs of photos, homemade videos and contacts, all for joining what in my heart felt to be righteous cause and as such, I am now carrying this evolved version of my medicine name with a deeper mission and level of integrit/honour and I feel that it is part of my calling, part of my truth, my lessons and my life path.
PPS. I know this all must sound pretty hard to believe. I have doubted it off and on the whole way too until weekend of my last birthday [this was originally written the weekend of my 34 birthday in May and posted to facebook on the 4th]. In some ways it's pretty hard even for me to believe even having experienced it myself. In some ways it’d be easier to explain if I had been on drugs while these things happened or had been diagnosed as crazy by doctors because the things which have happened are stranger than fiction.
I have no desire to do this for the purpose of self aggrandizement, we are all equals and I am of no more worth than anyone, not even the tiniest ant. Mine is purely the desire to
share my personal journey so that others may be encouraged to find their own personal
paths to spiritual freedom; not following me or my way but following their own ultimate
truth that lives at the core of every heart.
When this project makes money, it will be spent helping the suffering children of the world just as I dreamed when I was child suffering myself, yet cried tears for the ones starving in Africa.
So, this is truth of my life and core of my spiritual development that has taken a lifetime to unfold, finding small pieces which were only worth the small glimpse in the moments they happened in and were pieced into this bigger picture, now to make sense of the puzzle and great mysteries of life.
I swear by my heart and truth and promise it, on the honour of Mother's father, my Grandfather Ivor Charles Lewis, whom I love and respect above all earthly men on this planet, that this story is pure truth to the very best of my recollection and it’s purpose is to help in this great awakening happening on this planet at this time.
What you do with it now is up to you, there are many paths and in the end, they all lead
home.
On one final side note, as you are considering the legitimacy of this story, as I can imagine how hard to believe it may be, I will just add one other side note. I had been online recently looking at photos of the white buffalo that was born on my birthday May 4th 2008 on the website www.sacredworldpeacechurch.com/adoption.htm (which is not a specifically religious organization so much as it is one that honors and accepts all traditions based in peace and love) and I realized something interesting that I had not noticed before. On the original painting of the white buffalo calf that drew me to the story of White Buffalo Calf Woman that I acquired in 2003, in the right hand corner it is signed with the artist name “Thunder ‘96” and I had not noticed until just recently that the father of my birthday buffalo is named “Spirit Thunder”.
I find this to be not only intriguing, but yet another affirmation for me anyway, that this path has been here, calling me all along, begging me to see the signs within, compelling me to dig deeper for the truth so that I may share it, in hopes that others will dig deeper into the great mystery of life to find their own unique truths and calling as we are all truly, extensions of the divine.
So in a most final conclusion I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my story and I hope that you not only found it interesting but that it gave you hope that a new world is birthing and that our children will see the peace that our Grandfathers and Grandmothers, Brothers and Sisters and children have lost life and limb for, fighting wars for our "freedom". I hope you see that we don't need to fight wars anymore because we have the potential to evolve into our highest evolution and to harness the balance of science and spirituality in order to achieve our greatest destinies and heal this beautiful Mother Earth by rebuilding better systems to nurture and care for her people.
We are one planet, one humankind. We bleed one color of blood and cry one color of tears. We share the same sounds when we laugh and the same infinite light in our eyes when we smile. We are meant to enjoy life, to be happy, to work together and experience the incredible experiences of creation.
In this life, may you find ultimate peace and through the power of love, forgiveness in your heart to heal your deepest wounds, manifest your greatest miracles and move forward with hope and belief that together, we are birthing a new age in the history of mankind, one where children will not hunger and die in the streets and all people will learn how easy it is to minimize the suffering of themselves and others by opening their hearts to pure, true and divine, unconditional love.
Finally I would like to thank my family for the life I was given. It was not all a bowl of cherries BUT I see how every experience helped to shape me and mold me into who I am today and without these things I may not have the compassion, empathy, understanding, wisdom, determination, courage and faith that I do now because of everything I have endured, overcome and healed. The tale of the wounded healer is common and I would not trade my life for anything. I have watched you grow and learn and transform and become the greatest miracles in my entire life. Without this, I would not be me with faith like a mountain and have the hope in my heart that I do. I love you, unconditionally, across universes through all space and time.
I hugged him and apologized again telling him I had thought the position was secure and thanked him for giving them back, telling him I would be more responsible from now on. The elder Grandmother that had seen the staff fall turned to me and said she had teachings about feathers falling if I came to see her later. I hugged her and thanked her as well and went back to camp.
Back at camp I told my camp mates about what had happened and then while walking had pointed the man my staff hit. My partner said, “Oh Wow, that is the Visionary, the Chief that had the original vision that brought this gathering into being.” I had no idea of this and wondered how I could be so foolish and irresponsible, worried I had made poor relations without even meaning or intending to. I planned to speak with him again but it did not happen until the very end, during closing ceremony on the Sunday.
The next day after the Women’s morning sweat, I saw the elder Grandmother who offered me teachings after my staff and feathers fell, standing by the fire alone. I approached her and said, "Grandmother, you mentioned teachings about the feathers falling? She told me there was someone better for me to ask. She pointed out the Grandmother Red Hawk Woman and told me to bring tobacco and that would be a sign of respect and giving, before asking a question. I went to her and did this, and she said, "If I do not take the tobacco from you, I do not have the right answer. Do not be saddened as there is someone better here for you to ask."
She did not take the tobacco and instead walked with me over to Grandmother Malihatkwa who was standing at the other fire and told me to offer the tobacco the same way. I did this and she accepted and asked me what my question was. I told her my staff had fallen and the feathers attached to it fell and hit the ground and then I asked her what it means. She said to me, “feathers are one with the sky, they are meant to fly. Feathers falling mean that someone is going to die”
I started crying, afraid for my friend, and then almost started to blabber on about who the feathers were attached to, but Grandmother Malihatkwa stopped me and said SHHHHH STOP. She instructed me to go and get the staff and the feathers and to cover them up and bring them back to her at the sweat lodge. I went and did so and brought them back together. I sat with her and she told me not to worry. She gave me some tobacco and told me to go and say prayers and bury the tobacco with the prayers and to have faith.
She said they would cleanse my staff and leave it for me at the sweat lodge for me to come and pickup later. I thanked her and left, going into the forest to say prayers for my friend and give thanks for the teachings I had been given.
Later I went back to pickup my staff and found it laid across the Grandfather rocks of the sweat lodge, covered with the cloth I had wrapped it in. I did not uncover it but went to bring it back to camp. I walked about 10 feet away from the lodge and was met by the man I had helped serve water with. He told me that he had a gift for me that Great Spirit compelled him to give and handed me a beautiful medicine bag made of rabbit fur. He told me he had been learning the medicine of the Grandmothers and he wanted me to have it.
I took a peek inside and was overjoyed to find rose petals! Before the gathering I had been compelled to make homemade rosewater for the first time. I prayed over this rosewater and smudged it with sage and sweet grass and left it over the full moon to sit with my healing crystals with the intention of charging it with good healing. When I arrived at the gathering it was announced that a dear elder had just passed at that moment and the family was stricken by grief. I knew at that moment that the rosewater was for them so I gave it to be given to their Chief and when I peeked inside this medicine bag (which was not given to me with any knowledge of the gift I had originally given upon arriving to the gathering)
I was overjoyed to see the rose petals as they were a clear confirmation that the inspiration for this rosewater was divine and truly, good medicine for the people. I had carried a medicine bag for many years that contained various things I had been given and collected but when I went to Mexico in 2013 I left it on the beach with my shoes and clothes, not knowing while I was swimming the tide was coming in. When I returned from the water I found the ocean had taken my medicine bag and felt much remorse and guilt for leaving it where I did. I wondered if my medicine was being taken from me because I did not deserve it, because I had been careless and it hit me really deeply wondering the meaning and purpose of this. Not long after the ocean took my medicine bag, in conversation with a medicine man, I shared this experience and he told me that the bag was taken because the ocean needed the medicine and not to worry.
He told me that when I had made a full and complete commitment to the red road medicine path, a medicine bag would be gifted to me. I had been waiting for this bag since 2013 and wondering if his prophetic wisdom would come to pass. This moment with a new medicine bag around my neck confirmed much for me. As I walked back to my camp after these experiences considering the implications, I crossed paths again with the first Grandmother that watched my feathers fall. I approached her and gave her a big hug and gratitude and some tobacco and then she told me, “You are going to be given a lot more responsibility now, you are one of us.”
I went back to camp to think about everything I had just experienced, awe struck, mind blown, almost in disbelief but moreso in affirmed faith that the pieces were all coming together and the whole picture was FINALLY making sense. The following day during the closing ceremonies, I saw the man my staff fell from the arbour and hit, the man who I had now learned was Chief Michael Leach, the gathering Visionary and I approached him. I told him I was the one whose wooden Staff had hit him. He smiled and told me he was wondering if I would come back to him. He asked what kind of fur was on my staff and I told him the story of it and the message Christine Jack had given me to carry it.
After telling him the story, he told me that when it hit him he wondered what the message was. After I told him the story of it, he asked what my birthday was and did my quick numerology. After discovering the numbers, told me he had now realized that it was a clear sign that he was to give me his card and he would like to share teachings with me. He told me to email or phone him anytime, to share my stories as I wish with him. For the last month, he has been sending me many different kinds of spiritual insights, many of which I have already found in my journeys over the years and base my life and way of being around.
He has said he is not so much a teacher or a mentor but a messenger and says, that he isn’t teaching me anything but that I teach myself and he is offering ideas as tools that I can take and do with what I will, test them, research them, and then apply them, only if they work for me in my life. He has been directing me towards learning more about numerology, mathematical codes discoverable to learn purpose and meaning of things, showing me the roots of the different religions, affirming my own conclusions that the heart of every religion is virtually the same- based in Unconditional Love, honor, respect.
It is true that many religions have seemed to be lost and caught up in semantics, arguing about whose ways are more holy than the others but the very clear and obvious truth after a lifetime of studying a world of philosophies and religions is that there have been many difference manifestations of God, spiritual teachers sent to us through different times and ages, coming from different cultures translating this core message of Unconditional Love all around the world in order to contribute to human evolution.
We can go to the old holy lands now in Jerusalem and see Christians, Jews and
Muslims fighting over the "Holy Land" and whose religion is the true and only way to "God". Wars are being waged all over the world and children are dying in their wakes. Is this God? Is this the message the Divines, the message that the “messiahs” of those religions taught? Is there a better way?
When I first learned about the White Buffalo Calf woman Prophecy, it was 2006 and I had been hanging a mysterious painting of a white buffalo calf on my wall for 3 years, not knowing why I loved it and was mystified and drawn to it. At the time I acquired it 3 years prior, back in 2003, I just had to buy it from a random man at a sky train station in Vancouver, B.C., and in spiritual immaturity and haste, I never bothered to ask him the story of it.
One weekend, in 2006, consumed by the demons of a post traumatic stress relapse, struggling with unhealed childhood trauma, triggered by intense sexual harassment during a carpentry apprenticeship at this time, I decided it was time for me to heal. I did not want to lose myself into the void of darkness, and instead I purified my body, detoxing from cigarettes, marijuana and alcohol and purged my demons in my basement bedroom of my adopted mother Heather's house. Down on my knees, crying for all of my mistakes and the people that I had inadvertently hurt along the way, begging forgiveness, I prayed for guidance. I submitted and bowed my head to Creator yet again, like so many broken moments in my life where I had absolutely nowhere else to turn but on my knees and to a mysterious “God” in the sky. I submitted my own free will and asked to be shaped and molded as I had learned that “God” is called the master potter and we are the clay. I asked to find my purpose and life path.
I committed to the red road of earth medicine and learning to honour the spirits and began seriously reading books on the medicine wheel, animal spirit guides and vision questing. I had dabbled in curiosity in these books in previous months and earth ways, intuitively and in secret since childhood and had a few mystifying experiences with what I felt were spirit guides in previous months. I was not fully ready for the magic and understanding until this moment of committing to this path, until I had already explored and studied almost every other religion and still, my life was not going where I wanted and needed it. I was slowly slipping away about to lose myself and heading towards losing my life completely. I was feeling as if there were still so many pieces missing and it was time to add branches of understanding to my tree of my life. This earth medicine path was the least explored and after everything, still longing for more, I committed to being open hearted and open minded and seeking in it, what answers it had to offer.
I spent that weekend reading immense amounts of information about history, religion, science, philosophy and earth medicine to distract myself from the mess in my head and body as I detoxed. At points I felt like armies of ants were burrowing in my brain, the anxiety at times overwhelming; deep breathing and reading and praying through it all. At the end of the weekend, after my mind started to settle, my heart became more centered and I felt stronger that this was the path as I was still searching for answers that the religions of the world had not been able to give me to understand my life, my purpose and my past. At one point, nearing the end of the weekend, gazing unconsciously, and pondering life, I stared up at this white buffalo painting on my wall and I realized I had no idea what the white buffalo painting was even about, thinking about how white buffalo don't even exist and I realized that I had never even questioned it until that weekend. So I googled "white buffalo" and that was when my world blew wide open.
Online, I found the White Buffalo Calf Woman prophecies from the Lakota that said they were around 2000 years old and I found the Sacred White Buffalo Sanctuary/Ranch which at that time, was in Arizona, owned by Jim and Dena Riley, where a few white buffalo had been born in recent time and were drawing indigenous people from all over the world regarding these buffalo as a sign White Buffalo Calf Woman is coming soon.
After reading the stories of White Buffalo Calf Woman (which I urge you to read as well) I thought it was interesting that my first childhood spirituality was Christianity but then in sensing and in search of deeper truths, I left the church because they tried to control me through fear and judgement and it made me realize the Catholic Church was full of the false prophets Christ warned about.
Over the years after leaving the church, I had quested long and far to know who the true “Jesus” was and is. “Jesus”, I will be further referring to as Yahshua because I have since learned that the letter “J” was not invented until the 1600’s and “Jesus” (ee-ay-zeus in Greek which has been said translates to Hail Zeus, a Greek Pagan “God”) Jesus (Iasus/Iesous [ee-ay-zeus] [ie=hail sus=Zeus in Latin]) was not the Christ’s true name, but a bastardized version used when the bible texts were translated from Hebrew to Greek and at the time, it is no secret that the Greeks hates the Jews and could not accept a Jew as their messiah, so they changed his name and the image of what he looked like. There are identical similarities between photos of the Greek “Jesus” and statues and images of Zeus.
It has been researched by scholars and said that the purpose of this name change, was to unite the world under one "God" and to smooth out the transition from Greek/Roman Paganism, which worshiped multiple “Gods” including Zeus, into Constantine’s “Christianity”, assimilating Zeus’s followers by translating the Messiah’s name to be related with their own Pagan God Zeus. In fact, His true name is Yehshua, which literally translates as “The Lord’s Salvation and is the short version of Yehshua, literally YHWH (Yahweh) saves.
Anyhow, staring at this painting on my wall of a white buffalo calf and thinking about the prophecies I had just read, it was uncanny to me and I felt it was not a coincidence that White Buffalo Calf Woman had appeared to the Lakota people virtually the same time as Yehshua was being crucified on the cross by the Romans. When she first appeared, it has been written, (in the versions i read) that she was a spirit and said to a pure hearted hunter, go and prepare a place for me and I will return in 3 days. Over in the east, at virtually the same time, It apparently took 3 days for Yehshua to die, ascend to heaven and then disappear from his tomb.
To me it was clear this was no coincidence and all too indicative that if these prophecies were all true, White Buffalo Calf Woman would be the second coming to restore the balance and the truth of what Yahshua (and various other manifestations and extensions of Creator ) actually taught before the church changed his words and smeared his name by killing women and children in the name of a false "God". To me it was the only thing that made sense in order to reset the imbalance of the patriarchal rule we are dominated by in the world.
I have studied everything I possibly could to do with the historical Christ- Yehshua, including finding an old book (which can now be found and read online at http://www.gutenberg.org/files/29288/29288-h/29288-h.htm ) from the 1800's in a dusty bookstore recounting the tale of a Russian journalist and adventurer named Nicolas Notovich, who was shown ancient scrolls in a Buddhist monastery in Tibet, that told the tale of how a man named "Issa" (which i found later is a universal named used for Jesus in very many cultures) fitting the same description as "Jesus" from around roughly the same time period before Christ reappeared in the bible and began his final mission on earth. It speaks of how "Issa" visited them and learned from their Buddhist ways of compassion and universal love leading towards living a “no harm” lifestyle and also shared his own teachings with them. The scrolls taught of how this man who sounds a lot like "Jesus" learned from their Buddhist philosophy of peace and compassion.
These scrolls were denied and hidden again after this journalist's book went public and caused a huge uproar and controversy in the Catholic Church. From my research and understanding, guided by prayers for truth to be illuminated, I have found and now believe the real Christ was actually a Gnostic Jew (Gnosis being knowledge and wisom, through direct experience with “God" which is the heart of every major tradition on this planet) and so were Mary Magdalene and the Apostles. Their way was a way rooted in Kabbalah (tree of life) that included earth medicine and “magic” such as healing with hands and prayer and sought to unite all people under one “God” which was stated over and over that “God” was simply just unconditional LOVE love unconditional forgiveness.
Look at the painting of the last supper and tell me it isn't a woman who sits at the right hand of Christ. The church tried to convince us that is was John who sat beside Jesus but why would the great and wise thinker and inventor Leonardo DaVinci risk his life and cause enormous uproar to paint us a lie of what is clearly a woman sitting beside Christ at the last supper? It does not make sense from what I have studied of history and know of DaVinci, someone considered to be one of the greatest thinkers in all of history. I have found that the truth of Christ and Mary is one of divine union, balancing the divine masculine and the divine feminine, illustrating the infinite power of equality, like two wings of a bird. This union modelling the power and strength all families have when their union is in divine love and each individual is centered in god/unconditional love and whole in themselves mind, body, spirit. When two heads are together, and the individuals are grounded and rooted in Creator’s infinite unconditional love, we see the heart shape and this space between them that can be considered like the holy chalice, the unending cup of divine love that not only heals friends and communities but entire nations of the disease that comes through fear and anger and inequality and disconnects us from the holy source of divine unconditional love love unconditional forgiveness.
Original Last Supper ^ above
I believe that the church erased most of all mention and teachings from Mary Magdalene, other than to paint her as a harlot and then denied entry into the bible, as well as many of the true teachings of Christ and the Apostles, including the lost Gospel of Thomas, because their teachings contained deep feminine wisdom, as well as honour of the earth and all creatures; Also because the church sought to disempower and convince us that women were incapable of divine inspiration and leadership (which is obvious in the fact that women are not allowed to be Priests and minister in their churches) as they installed their oppressive, patriarchal ways into their so called "new world" order. The catholic church then claimed that itself was the prophesized bride of Christ and then spread it's dis-ease through fear and war and murder of women and children into the world in the exact opposite way Christ and the apostles taught, leading us to modern day where the earth is being destroyed, women and children by the billions are controlled and oppressed through fear and we see that this is one of the rotten roots of all the problems on this beautiful, blessed Mother Earth.
Anyone can do some research about the true teachings of Christ, Mary Magdalene and the Apostles- The ones the Catholic Church suppressed after the Romans martyred Yehshua and most of the apostles- the ones that were suppressed and buried, some even destroyed through so called "Holy Crusades" as the books of the Catholic Bible were compiled by the church hundreds of years after Yehshua’s death. Why would we trust them unconditionally- the ones that killed the peacemakers? Why would we trust their choices of which books make up the whole bible when they included teachings Christ specifically told us to ignore and forget about?
Why would we unconditionally trust this bible that seems merely suited to support their ways of control and domination through fear and threats of eternal hellfire and damnation? The answer that makes sense to me is as Yehshua warned, that we would come into a time where we would exchange the truth for a lie. Christ taught that "God" is simply defined as- unconditional love love unconditional forgiveness. And through this unconditional infinite love and unconditional infinite forgiveness, there are limitless chances to redeem and experience heaven on earth.
If Yehshua taught unconditional LOVE, unconditional forgiveness is the true “God”, how in heaven's name would this "God" the church tried to convince us of, damn us to hell for eternity? It just doesn’t make sense and this was clear to me even at 9 years old when I was debating with the priests in the Catholic Church before elementary school every morning. It appeared to me that the church's "God" is fear, violent and angry and seemed more to be a false “God” with no more power than we give it through our own misled beliefs. It makes much more sense to me to read between the lines, to seek a direct relationship with Creator and have an open heart, as well as take the truth of history into account when reading the words in these books and applying them to our lives.
From my research, Yehshua and the apostles (Mary Magdalene included)possibly even originally taught reincarnation as do all religions of history, but these teachings were likely suppressed and destroyed as well, perhaps because the Catholic Church made a lot of money in those times from people who came and bought "papal decrees" that promised to buy people's unconverted relatives out of hell. Seriously? If there was a hell, Does anyone really think they can buy their way out? If so, Who are we REALLY paying for those souls? These are tricks, evil tricks made to confuse us from the truth. If there really was a devil, HE would the only one that could be paid for this type of contract. Seriously think about it, it's all in the history books and small games of connect the dots can be as easy as finding constellations in the sky. Truth be unconditional love illuminated.
From my exploration as backed and affirmed by many scholars and enlightened ones, Yehshua and the apostles learned from all ways and were more like spiritual alchemists weaving together the best of the best to help bring the world into a massive shift in spirituality and awakening. They honoured the best of all ways, and because they embodied and taught ultimate love, ultimate truth and ultimate peace, they performed miracles and amassed the greatest following ever seen- The greatest of course until now where we sit at
the dawn of The
Golden Age, a new 26,000 year cycle of the procession of equinoxes as backed and explained by the Mayan long count calendar, proven in this century by the studies of NASA. Now we are sitting at the dawn of this age, to be ushered in by White Buffalo Calf Woman and the return of the Divine Feminine to restore the balance upon the earth.
Anyways, I digress, and head back to the beginning of my commitment to red road earth medicine, a deeper awakening in 2006 that occurred after hanging a mysterious painting of a white buffalo on my wall for 3 years. That weekend in 2006, staring at this intriguing painting, with 10,000 years of human history swirling in my mind, and having just discovered 2000 year old Lakota prophecy of White Buffalo Calf Woman, I had the very clear thought that I wanted to learn more about paganism and earth magic to figure out why the Catholic Church and the “holy” crusades tried to destroy all witches, (many of them being white witches serving the betterment and healing of humanity through herbs and sacred ceremonies) and annihilating tribes of earth medicine people including the Celtic/Druidic spiritual leaders that once lived and walked in harmony sharing with and learning from many different indigenous people of history. If "magic" was never real, why would the church have tried to make us forget about it and made it such a heinous threat justifying the slaughter of entire cultures of people and then teaching those who were left that all of these ways were entirely evil? (This thought was before I knew all of the true Christ and history of the catholic church that I know now)
A couple weeks after this experience of awakening, a friend named Jen Walking Eagle
came over to my house and asked, “hey want to come to a solstice gathering with me?" And I said excited, “like solstice?! is that a wiccan pagan thing?” She said, “Yeah I guess, I dunno."
I knew in my soul that it was a Pagan type of event and it was intriguing to me how I had just come to this conclusion about wanting to learn more about paganism and then it manifested in such short time. This was one of the first blatant and deep "synchronicities" in my life and when I started to learn about the law of attraction and the basic physics of how this universe receives and responds to the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that we put out. I had experienced this before in my life but had always defined it as coincidence. This was when I started to see clearly how everything is connected as if we are collectively collaborating, dream weavers weaving a great web in my life. This was where i consciously started seeing the correlations of pieces just falling into place, based on what I was already thinking and feeling.
We went to the Solstice gathering and got there early on Dec. 21, 2006. At that time, I had only just begun learning about chakras and crystals and reiki and all those new age things and I held only a small belief, more of a curiosity really, in the new age beliefs others I had been meeting held. I kind of thought they were a bit looney, but I was still intrigued because somewhere in my soul I sensed a deeper truth. So on Dec.21, 2006 I went to the winter solstice because when I read about the white buffalo and my painting, earth ways intrigued me as they had since I was a child building forts in the forests, fishing with homemade spears in my underwear, finding rocks and feathers and unafraid of cougars and bears because I felt like all the animals were my family.
As a child I had found I could “heal” feathers by working them gently with my fingers, fixing their tatters and at early points, tried to convince people I could heal with my hands because I did not know the science of how I was mending these feathers. To me as a child it was just magic. I was starting to see now at this adult place, that Earth medicine wasn't a controlling religion in any way or a spiritual way I had studied yet as in depth as every other religion I had explored and left behind only taking the small pieces that I needed. I was starting to see that this was a missing piece that I was to grow to understand to build upon my spirituality and find my purpose in the world.
When we arrived at the studio where this solstice gathering was taking place, not many people were there and I looked around. I was intrigued by things I had never seen before like sacred geometry and chakra diagrams, crystals that reminded me of special rocks I had found as a kid etc. At one point, I turned around to go find my friend Jen and as I turned, a large indigenous man in full medicine man regalia was walking in the door carrying a big drum with a big white buffalo head painted on it. My jaw dropped and my eyes went wide I was thinking no way, I must be dreaming this up. Coincidence? "CO-Incidents"
I imagined pinching myself but did not "wake up" and in my excitement was thinking what is happening, because I had never experienced “synchronicity” quite like that before. That experience was what cracked the next leg of my awakening wide open. I excitedly went up to him and started blabbering on about his big drum with the white buffalo on it and the White Buffalo Calf Woman prophecy and how I just found out from my mysterious painting and asking him what does he know etc. Etc. He smiled at me calmly and said yes, I know of it and then he said, “that is my daughter, she is 13 and has begin to learn healings.” I stood there in total disbelief.
Then he sent me to the foyer to read about him in a book with photos that was on a table while he setup for the ceremony. The book said he was a specialist in helping those with post traumatic stress, drug and alcohol addiction, and sexual abuse, which was exactly what I was struggling with - sexual abuse/ptsd and had just detoxed from substances. I was in doubt and denial, I am a scientist afterall, but i also wanted so badly to believe I had been divinely guided here for my own healing. In my head it felt like a far stretch but I also wanted to believe that his daughter could actually be the prophesied White Buffalo Calf Woman, wanting to believe in hope for the world in the form of a new Divine Spiritual rebirth for humanity.
It all seemed too good to be true, I questioned how it could even be possible but I figured, I was here, this is happening, let’s see where it goes. In my mind I partially thought he was crazy, I thought maybe I was crazy hallucinating this event and maybe tripping out in a psych ward somewhere imagining this whole experience even though I had never experienced a delusion before. How could this be happening? I wanted to think it must be a coincidence- It Must be. Dean called himself Chief White Buffalo Man Many Feathers and took part with the Pagan/Wiccan people in a series of multiple rounds of rituals where they smudged us with cleansing sage and herbs and sang songs and said prayers.
The Pagans said they had invited the Chief White Buffalo Man because they felt it was a time to bridge the worlds between native belief and Pagan so that we may see we have the same earthen and celestial roots and that we must come together to bring the world into better union with themselves, the planet and everyone's own chosen spiritualities. This was the day I first heard about the coming Golden Age and 2012 and it intrigued me. The “Chief” did several rounds of prayers and smudging us with what looked like this gnarled out mass of bone and I'm telling you, I was struggling at that time with PTSD and anxiety from alcohol and cigarette addiction and after that gathering I never had anymore flashbacks, anxiety or a problem saying no to drugs and alcohol and I stayed clean for 3 years, moving up north and going to college to get a diploma in early childhood education but i will get to that a little more later.
After Jen and I left the gathering Dec 21 2006, I told her the whole story regarding my interaction with the Chief and she was as mind blown as me knowing that I had the white buffalo calf painting for years; Knowing these things that I've just written regarding my conclusions and how i came to know of the prophecy to begin with are true because I told them to her before the day we even went to that gathering.
But for years and years after this I wavered back and forth, up and down, in and out in my faith, learning about how people can heal with their hands learning how crystals can help amplify light to increase things like intuition, creativity, psychic abilities and grounding etc. Also, learning about a whole world of people who base their whole lives and careers on these types of modalities that I used to consider hippy dippy hocus pocus hootenanny.
Through my life, I had wavered in everything and believed nothing without seeing it and feeling it with my own hands and eyes- proving it’s existence and tangibility through direct experience. Even when I saw it with my own eyes and felt with my own hands, I denied and doubted and ran from it for a long time needing all of the science to back it up before I could only give it more faith.
But I'm telling you, the deeper my faith became the more my prayers and small miracles manifested before my eyes and friends have multiple times labelled me a magician and master manifestor. I always say it isn't me it is the power of the true God- the power of a humble sacred heart, the power of unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness, the power of our own beliefs that can change the charge of our atoms to affect our own body's electromagnetic field which is connected to everything and everyone, rippling through space and time and then is further amplified by the power of Creator/Love/Creation when aligned with the highest will and law of love, that ANYONE can do all these things and so much more. The universe conspires with us and there has been no shortage of "miracles" on the planet from every single religion/spiritual way and walk of life. It seems "God" does not discriminate, has many names, many faces and many modalities as means of working through us on this planet.
I have nearly all the science worked out now and there is truly just as much physical scientific evidence to support "God", "energy" and "spirit" through a balance of modern history, physics/metaphysics and ancient esoterics as one should need to build a solid foundation of faith for themselves in whichever path in life they choose.
Anyone can find it for themselves in their own hearts through daily spiritual practice of their own choosing. With two feet on the earth and Eye on the sky knowing one's own body is the temple and our Spirit/Soul are extensions of source, we will still always stumble but surely not be led astray in the same fashions that occur when we blindly trust humans on earth to tell us how to live and what to think and claim to be equipped to interpret spiritual books that were changed and manipulated to suit the men who sought to become rich and powerful through their inception and abuse.
Those who do this as a personal exploration, stand to define the great mystery for themselves and inherit the things they once only ever dreamed and more, without great consequence. As long as life and faith are based in unconditional love and forgiveness and one's free will is consciously sought to align with the highest will and recognizes this power of unconditional love as the true source of creation at the heart of the cosmos is what truly fuels, our heart's greatest dreams and desires and they are only a manifestation away. Ask and ye shall receive.
Mystical things and synchronicities beyond counting and recounting all the tales happened over the years as I learned more but I still continuously questioned them and needed more proof because many of my friends and family and furthermore, society, categorizes spiritual people like me as "mentally ill" and puts little faith in these spiritual things I speak of. At times I fell into fear of being locked up as crazy so naturally I still question it to keep an open mind so as not to become fanatical and lost in one way of limited understanding. I have grown to see overall now, that these spiritual things and mystical experiences are real and I should have more faith.
Furthermore I question, are all these "mentally ill" people schizophrenic/crazy to be locked up and/or medicated, or do they have suppressed and undeveloped spiritual gifts that western society has no guidance for and instead, those people become lost and worn down by "demons", ghosts and spirits that anyone can easily learn to purge and shine their unconditionally loving heart through?
Once in my early 20's I read spray painted in a park, "the only difference between a schizophrenic and a shaman is how WE perceive them. It stuck with me a decade later when I started meeting "shamans" who call out and dance with “devils” to purge the dark power they have over people, bringing great healing I have witnessed with my own eyes. Years later, I remembered this saying, and it started to make even more sense.
After meeting with Chief White Buffalo Man in 2006 at the solstice, it was almost too much to take and I put it away on the back burner and focused on my long distance relationship with a woman up north, considering moving there to go to school for the Early Childhood Education diploma.
In the following May 2007, after the winter solstice gathering, I decided to go checkout Prince George to see if I wanted to move there for my girlfriend and for school. I had wavered about choosing a vocation for many years because in August 2nd 2000 the day I was to be registering my courses for the psychiatric nursing program in New Westminster, I was run over by a speeding car in a crosswalk, shattered my left leg to pieces in compound fractures, ruptured multiple discs in my back, had the windshield cut me to my organs in my right hip and then I spent the next three years, having four surgeries and learning how to walk again.
This “accident” was obvious to me, a deterrent from that path and it took a lot of years of soul searching and healing to find what my truest calling was. At this point in 2007, everything led back to the children of the world and felt to be my true calling. So in May 2007, I headed north to discover if this was to be the place for me to commit to school. On my drive up north, I picked up an old Indian man hitchhiking outside of 100 mile house with bags of groceries. I picked him up on the side of the road, his ancient blue eyes capturing my attention from way far away. On the drive we shared stories and he told me of a great Chief long ago who brought together the people of the Caribou/Chilcotin area during a time of major intertribal warring in the 1800s. After that, I asked him if he knew of the white buffalo and I shared with him my connection to them and the story of everything up until I had met Chief White Buffalo Man on the winter solstice. As soon as I said the Chief's name, the elder's eyes lit up and he said “Oh I know him!!!”
Then told me of how he had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had met the Chief by "accident randomly" in recent time passed, and that the Chief had taken him and done a ceremony, which among other things, he had fed him a tea that he said was disgusting and tasted like bubbly swamp water. After this, on his next visit to doctors to deal with his cancer, it was confirmed in truth, as a medical anomaly and all of his cancer was completely gone. I remember his name was John Dickson and he lived on the backside of Lac Le Hache. I pray he is still well and alive and I would love to meet him again one day.
When I dropped him off at his house, he invited me in and we visited for a bit and he showed me where he had the Chief's name and information in a book. I compared it with the business card I had been carrying in my wallet from the Chief and the information was in fact a match. We had tea and chatted some more and then I had to go. Before I left, he said he wanted to give me something and I said at first, “No, please, you don’t have to give me anything.” because I had driven him home only out of my heart not looking for reward, but he said, “Yes, I want to give you something for your journey.” He handed me a beautiful braid of sweet grass and my first gifted feather and told me that my prayers are powerful and to never to lose faith and to take this gift as a blessing for my journey.
He taught me how the rips and tears where their were separations the feather represented all the trauma in my life that could be healed and then curled into the most beautiful tatters, becoming my greatest strengths and that this was a new feather for my broken wings and on this path I would learn to fly. He blessed me and I hugged him and cried and thanked him and then I left continuing my trip north. I left and went to Prince George to visit and after that trip, confirmed by the elder and his feather and my enjoyment of the visit, I decided to move there for school.
I spent the next 3 years until 2009 engrossed in full time school and work and not much of anything spiritual. I became worn out and depressed, working and schooling full time, amassing enormous debt, and starting to emotionally buckle under the pressure, wondering if I had chosen the wrong profession, so I decided to take a leave of absence from work and go travelling to reconnect with the earth and my heart and do some more healing and soul searching.
I spent 3 months from July to September, living and travelling in mountains and deserts, forests, up rivers and through valleys and meeting people of all walks of life as I travelled, hitchhiking, through British Columbia, Washington, Oregon, California and Nevada with very little money, on a wing and a prayer. Over these 3 months, I learned and grew and realized all these spiritual things I had learned a little about but never fully believed, were actually even more possible than I had already believed and that summer I met more people that gave me proven scientific explanations for how these things could even be possible. I found scientific evidence, backed by math and physics to explain “God”, “healing” “different dimensions” etc. Besides the science, I saw things that made me think and feel that wow, maybe there is something much deeper to all of this metaphysics stuff after all.
In September, 2009, I was pulled out to the middle of a Nevada desert by something in my gut and there I went and meditated and purified myself in the earth and the light of the sun on my knees, naked like a newly birthed child, covered in playa dust, crying and begging forgiveness and a sign whether I was on the right path in my life because I had screwed up so many times on my own, which was why I kept begging to be released of my free will over and over again and again. I had been lost at work, tired and overworked and questioning if I had chosen the right path. I went on the trip looking for signs to affirm my path or redirect me accordingly.
When I was out there in the middle of the desert under the scorching twisting winds, I
bathed in the ancient sun and moon baked earth, that was when the name "eagle child" was first spoken into my heart. It was not spoken into my head or heard into my ears, but was what I can only explain as a guttural moan, uniting within my heart from out of the sky and up from the earth; exploding in my chest and ringing into being into the depths of my soul.
But even then, I still I denied it. I was like, eagle child?! What the heck is that? This is crazy what am I doing out here. And then it happened again only louder,
EAGLE CHILD!
And then I knew it was directed at me. When I felt I was being called the name, I first got
indignant because as a child growing up, I felt voiceless, powerless, was told to be seen and not heard and really I felt like it was preferred that I not even be really seen. I had been beaten and abused and treated as worthless by many people who were entrusted with my care because my parents were lost and consumed by their own demons of addiction having been wrapped up with the hell’s angels, cocaine and such. Because of it I ended up going through the foster care system and then experiencing a whole other world of abuse. Through my teens, I struggled to cope and made many near successful attempts on my life, engaged in self harm activities including cutting myself, as well as abusing drugs and alcohol off and on. Because of this I went through even deeper levels of trauma because of how the medical system, policing system and fostercare system chooses to deal with these types of issues in youth and all of it had deeply damaged my inner child and the self esteem view I had of myself.
As a child I felt that I held little value to the adults in my life and being called a child was not a compliment or something I took a liking to. It was like saying, you are JUST a child, STOP being a child GROW UP... I was 28 and felt grown up already. I had been marching around preaching my experiences and trying to prove to everyone for a lifetime how much I knew and how much worth I had and instead was shot down and called arrogant and egotistical even though I was only trying to prove I was equal to them, not that I was better or bigger or more important. This made me feel even more worthless and my child died, I shoved her away at a very early age so that I could be strong and fierce and survive the violence and abuse of my life.
My inner child was worthless to me, the cause of my pain because I viewed her as weak and a threat to my survival, so I sent her away and started to become more like a boy, an angry, fiery, argumentative tom boy that fought everything and everyone that tried to get in my way. As I grew, I displaced my inner girl child and when I was called to by this name Eagle Child, I rejected it as a taunt and a mockery of me even though I personally had always loved and viewed children as the world’s greatest gift and resource.
It was soon to become clear that I had a lot of healing to do and did not hold my own child in the same light as I held all others. Because of this as a child and teen, I had spent my life always too big for my britches, trying to prove I was as worthy as others and even though according to school teachers and counselors, I had always had natural leadership abilities, I could not see or effectively utilize them, because I was always living defensively and at times bossy and demanding and harsh with my words/judgements and acted domineering and controlling and impatient with people’s mistakes and misunderstandings, because inside I felt less worthy than a flea.
My self esteem was marred by post traumatic stress, depression and feelings of defeat and always feeling less valuable and worthy than everyone and because of this I had severely underdeveloped skill and potential as was constantly told to me by many elders and teachers that I ignored in my stubbornness and unwillingness to take up my responsibility for my life and choices, including possibly choosing the life with my parents that I did before I was even born.
I thought to myself and stared at the sky, eagle child?! Pfft whatever, eagle child yourself. This is stupid!!! I am not a child, I'm an adult!! And I felt really offended at it, not yet knowing the trait indigenous cultures attributed to eagles or that my next big life task would be to heal my own broken inner child. These things in soon time would reveal themselves to me, but I left that spot in the depth of the desert, annoyed and not caring for eagle child because in my stupid ego, I took offence to the name and thought I was being mocked as I had been for so many years as a child. I also was scared I was on the brink of losing my mind, out there in the desert having mystical experiences that could not be explained because they were not drug induced. I thought, I must be crazy, what am I doing out here?!
So I brushed off the dust, put my clothes back on and walked away. I did not go out there to the desert looking for a name or anything specific other than clarification, and I was just drawn to that place and it happened just as I see now it was meant to be- Called by Creator as I journeyed to reconnect with Great Spirit and the red road. So not consciously looking for an experience quite like that, it was scary and confusing when that was what happened and I thought perhaps, I had finally really cracked this time. Like really totally cracked up, so I ran from it, trying to leave the ghost of eagle child where I had found it, out there in the middle of the desert in Nevada.
But, I took a few steps to leave out of the desert and that is where a small dark rock
caught my eye and as I bent down to pick it up out of the cracked dry desert earth, where there are no other rocks, no bugs, no plants, nothing but deep cracks and dust, I realized it was actually an old arrowhead, the second one I had just randomly found while journeying in nature in my life (the other one found near the place where I grew up) but this one was different.
As I clutched it in my hand, my mind exploded into a river of memories, and I suddenly remembered a dream I had when I was a young child as it flooded into memory like a torrent.
In the dream from childhood, I dreamt that I was in the desert which wasn't quite as barren as the one I was really in, and I could see red Arizona type mountains in the distance and all around me there was a war waging between cowboys and Indians; Horses and gunshots and arrows ringing and zipping through the air, thundering across the earth and all around yelling and chaos and I was hiding and terrified. I was crouched down behind a small tree on a sand and grass knoll and you know what the scariest thing of all was?
It wasn't the war, it was that I was dreaming this dream, seeing it through my own two eyes in the first person and I couldn't see my face or my body and I did not know who I was or what side I was on. I had never dreamed like this before, had only ever dreamed like I was watching myself in a movie and I didn’t feel I was on either side of this war, I just felt terrified of the war and moreso, not knowing who I was. I looked at my hands and arms, looking around frantically and suddenly, I was hit with a zipping arrow through the heart and the pain was like nothing I've ever felt to this very day. The pain was so intense, I woke up as a child in my own bed in this life and I was still holding the place where the arrow hit, with my hand wrapped around an invisible wood shaft and my heart hurt like nothing I had ever experienced.
As a child, how could I dream and just imagine pain I had never really felt? I sat in bed rubbing my chest and it took 10 mins for the pain to disappear. After rubbing the pain away as a child in my own bed, I fell back asleep and forgot about the dream until the day I picked up that arrowhead in the desert in 2009, which turned out to be an ancient arrowhead almost lost to the sands of time way out in a barren spot that likely nobody has been for a very long time, a place I went only because something inside me pulled me and the gut feeling told me to go there.
This arrowhead, my soul is so attached to because when I held it in my hand it was like I could feel the energy of my own hand that had touched it in some other lifetime. I would be impossibly pressed to sell it, even for one million dollars because I need it to tell this story and prove to myself what I say was not a delusion in the desert. It helps me remember who I am and why I am here.
I will not sell out my spiritual truths and have them be lost to time and the lies of
whitewashed HIStory. If required of me, I would die for it and the cause of helping to illuminate the children of the world to their unique, individual divinity and spiritual purposes and paths. This is something money can’t buy and even though I wish for millions of dollars to help feed the starving children every day, I know selling out will not grant this to me, not in good conscience anyway. Faith and belief in Creator’s Divine Will, will provide everything I need to do the good in the world I want and need to do to help better this world for the futures of the next 7 generations.
At the beginning of that quest to the desert in 2009, I thought I was going to the “Burning Man” festival in Nevada, to see the heart of what is left of paganism in a temporary city that after a week of creation and destruction leaves no trace; to a city designed with sacred geometry, in an attempt to understand why these practices were attempted to be destroyed by the crusades so long ago. 
I thought I was going to the desert for art and music and an economy based on
gifting, to survive radically in the hot and wild, windy expanse, to conquer my fears and
reconnect with the earth, but when I got there, It was hard to handle the intensity of what felt like waste, the fires and pollution happening because of the destruction of the art, a practice done to teach and emphasize the impermanence of life as in what we spend months and years to create can be destroyed by natural forces, such as wind and fire, in matters of seconds.It did not answer my questions or leave me fulfilled in my soul and it was something even deeper that called to me, something beyond the chaos of Black Rock City with its rituals of chaos and destruction, something that called to me from even further, out into the beyond.
So I left the festival boundaries knowing I could be charged and/or jailed and sent back to Canada never allowed to return again for doing this but I HAD to do it, I HAD to take the risk because I was spiritually compelled to and so I went waaaay out into the deeper desert, far far away from everyone else to the place I had been called eagle child and found my ancient arrowhead; an arrowhead I will one day return to the people of those lands with, with this story to help affirm their spiritual faith and call them deeper into to this great vision of White Buffalo Calf Woman and the new age of restoration and balance, the return of the divine feminine and unification of both divine masculine and feminine energies on this planet.
If they ask of me to return this relic, I will do so respectfully, as the arrowhead truly does not belong to me but it belongs to the Indigenous people whose culture was decimated by the church, the crusades, various civil wars and the unlawful occupation of their homelands. It belongs to world of children that have been controlled through fear and lied to and convinced of that we only have one life to live and only one choice of religion leading to one choice between heaven or hell. It belongs to a world of people from all cultures who have had their spiritual choice and rights taken from them and have been controlled through fear and domination of many of the religious institutions.
I humbly request it remain in my possession to tell this tale over and over so that all in this world may be drawn deeper into loving and protecting mother earth. I request it remain with me as I advocate for all of Mother Earth’s children ravaged by war, poverty, greed and institutional domination. This is part of my mission and purpose, to share these experiences and to share the path of illumination that I have found, a path that is only one of many innumerable paths to finding “God” and purpose in this life.
At the end of those 3 months, I had planned to go see the white buffalo sanctuary that I
originally discovered back in 2006 and I began to hitch hiked their way after an 8 day
quest in Yosemite National Park where I had fallen in love with the Frogs and blue jays and had experienced a close encounter with a Lynx staring into my soul and running straight at me from 100 yards away, as it’s feet thundered in the ground. I say close encounter because it did not attack me as I stood there in the night, staring in absolute awe, projecting peace and unconditional love and respect towards it. It ran straight towards me and then past my legs so close I could have reached down and touched it.
At this point,late September 2007, I had $27 to my name and got stranded outside Sacramento for 2 days and then was harassed by highway patrol multiple times for trying to hitchhike out of there, before my mother was too scared for my safety and said she was coming to get me. She was on her way and I ended up getting a ride shortly after that with an old man who I met at a gas station who said he wasn't leaving town for any other reason other than he said, that he was old and had fought the war, his kids were grown and moved away and he wanted one last adventure. So I agreed and we drove together and shared stories and then he took me to Mt. Shasta, a place I had learned about in Yosemite park from these 2 sisters I met at a gathering where my friend Sonaiya (who was a spiritual non believer until that moment) and I and many others, watched the medicine woman and author Star Hawk, conjure the wind up from the ground within a grove of trees with only her gratitude and prayers, calling in the sacred spirits during the closing ceremony of Symbiosis 2009.
I had been sitting, playing with my own few crystals, many of which random people had
gifted me on that journey, not knowing what they were for but enjoying their colors and
the ways they made me feel and making my own geometric “art” in the dirt. The sisters came along intrigued and asked what I was doing. I didn’t know, “Making art” I said, even though it was something deeper that I did not understand yet that was compelling me to arrange the stones in different patterns based on how the way they looked and felt made me fele
We talked and then they had told me of Mt. Shasta and gave me 2 different crystals they
had each found hiking on Mt. Shasta and then they told me that I had to go there. It wasn't in my original plan because I had limited money and destinations I needed to make it to, but mystically, I still ended up there because that magic old man wanted one last adventure and drove me 4 hours out of his way to make sure I got there. I may have been reading into it too much but I swear I felt the spirit of my Grandfather with him, sparkling in his eyes, like perhaps he was moved in some mysterious way to make my wildest dreams come true through the divine handiwork of the great spirits of Grandfathers and Grandmothers. Perhaps even, he was the answer to my Mother’s prayers which she was surely praying as she drove all the way to meet me, from British Columbia to California.
I stayed in an old growth cedar forest at Mt. Shasta where I first learned of "Shamanic
Schools" as there was a Cherokee Shamanic School there, but it was closed and I wasn't there long enough to have more than an intriguing tease and learn of some auspicious legends about Shasta. My mom picked me up from Mt. Shasta the next morning and although she wanted to go straight home, I insisted we go see the white buffalo first. At the beginning of this quest I had decided I needed to see the buffalo in person and made it my final destination for my trip.
At this time, I was excited and amazed to find that the ranch had migrated from southern Arizona to Oregon, becoming even more accessible for me on this trip. When we arrived and met Dena Riley, (who was the original owner and keeper of the sanctuary back when it started in Flagstaff, Arizona) that was when I learned of the white buffalo “Be Happy Spirit” that was born on my birthday May 4th, 2008.
"Be Happy Spirit", (photo above) who is the 10th born to the herd was born on my birthday May 4th, the previous year in 2008, I became aware of at this time. “Be Happy” is pictured in the above photo, which was emailed to me by the new Keeper, Cynthia Hart Button, for my fundraising efforts for our birthday May 4th 2015.
The keeper of the time in 2009, Dena Riley,
was blown away by my whole story of discovery and travel to be there at that moment and even more so mystified because of her own connection to that date May 4th, which was her wedding anniversary. Her dear husband Jim had just passed away a few months prior to the calf being born and my story brought some bit of hope to her mourning heart that there was truth to the prophecies and Divine timing of Creator’s Will in the overall plan for the betterment of humanity. I gave Dena a feather that I’d found in a forest on that trip for her mantle to put beside her husband’s photo for prayers
during her time of mourning, and in turn, moved, she gave me a wild turkey feather from the ranch and then we went out to see the pure white buffalo beauties.
These White Buffalo are genetically tested 100% American bison and not beefalo or albino
like other white ones which have sporadically appeared in various locations over the years. These White Buffalo have drawn people from all over the world, from all walks of life into the mysticism of the Lakota prophecies and have brought much hope to this broken world and now the herd already supersedes the original number prophesized to signal the return of White Buffalo Calf Woman.They are protected in sanctuary and tied to the non religious/non denominational spiritual organization Sacred World Peace Alliance/Sacred World Peace Church, that honours all traditions based in Love and is designed to protect these animals and promote world peace. The buffalo can all be viewed on their website at:
www.sacredworldpeacechurch.com/adoption.htm
and anyone can go onto their site and not only see the photos, dates and names of the buffalo but sponsor and/or visit them in Oregon if they feel so inclined.
When I met my birthday buffalo, we locked eyes and I was completely mesmerized, and then, the same thing happened with the buffalo as happened to me in the desert, Only different. Again, a guttural moan as if the sky and the earth were uniting with a boom within my heart, rumbling into my soul, with a deep calling.
eagle child buffalospirit
What? I thought.. What is happening.. I must be going crazy... I looked at my mom who seemed undisturbed and then I stared in awe into the eyes of hope for the world and those
buffalo spoke into my heart again..
EAGLE CHILD BUFFALOSPIRIT
what...the..
As the buffalo stared into my eyes...and I stared in disbelief questioning my sanity, denying to myself this was really happening, again, only louder this time, like the sky and the earth uniting as pillars of truth inside me...
EAGLE CHILD BUFFALOSPIRIT!!!
I looked around and could not deny and knew they were speaking to me and that this was
who I was to become by learning the lessons of the eagle and buffalo to balance my inner child and become more than just the parts of a broken and arrogant child that acts like she has it all figured out and doesn’t need anyone to tell her what's what and then goes
around trudging heavily and speedily, fighting any obstacles that try to stop her because she was hurting and broken, afraid.
It was to become a calling to become more than those parts that were holding back my evolution and spiritual development and to heal and evolve into the gifted unique individual that I am, that we all are before we are imprinted with the lies of this world and made to forget our equal and magnificent spiritual, Creator given gifts and purpose in this world.
Now, after nearly 10 years of this red road medicine path, united by all the faiths I’ve explored and learned from in my entire life and more deeply seeking ultimate unconditional love, forgiveness, truth and illumination on this earth medicine path, following spirit guides and being given less than a few different teachers sporadically appearing and disappearing, I see ultimately, the name and path became a calling to truly heal my mind, body, heart, spirit and soul and to grow and become equal to everyone I had ever put above me on a pedestal.
It became a call to balance myself in this imbalanced world and become truly whole and healed by taking the best of all I had learned and amalgamating it into one solid spiritually alchemized way of being.
On November 11, 2011, (11:11:11) I got a double triskel Celtic knot tattooed on my wedding ring finger, and made a wish for wholeness, world peace, inner peace and healing for the world. This tattoo, became a symbol of everlasting love and marriage to spiritual faith, through unification of mind, body and spirit. It is a symbol of wholeness and spiritual commitment to humanity and Creator’s will above all other selfish worldly desires.
This whole thing ultimately became a way NO Better or more gifted or more special than even the smallest ant or bumble bee but a calling to just to develop my own unique gifts and to step up to the plate to be an equal in this global civilization, so that I may do my work in this world and be truly happy (The number one lesson of my birthday buffalo “Be Happy Spirit) to spread the joy and healing that this great planet needs in order to survive.
After this visit in 2009 I went home and went back to work at the Carney Hill School and again put many of my spiritual beliefs and practices, on the back burner, working overtime and becoming slogged down by the city and spiritual incompatibility within my romantic relationship. I still continuted learning, slowly but then putting parts of it back inside the closet, struggling with a faith most deny and shun and then myself denying the things I had learned, seen and felt with my own eyes, ears, hands and heart and then trying to blow them off as superstition and myth.
But the universe spoke louder than ever and something even more miraculous and magnificent happened. I had seen an advertisement for a local holistic fair and out of curiosity thought I would check it out even though I was overly skeptical about psychics and still unsure about past lives and the encoding within our ancestral DNA.
When I arrived at the holistic fair, I learned there were two readers doing past life introductions and in reading the brochure that I had read it wrong and when I signed up, I thought I was signing up for a 20 minute for $20 introduction with a brown haired lady whose name I do not remember.
When I arrived at her table, she was with someone else and I said, “Oh, I thought we were supposed to have a reading.” She said, “Oh no, I think you are mistaken, you must be with Kareen.” And then she pointed over in Kareen’s direction. I saw her sitting at her table alone and went and sat down and told her of the mix up. To me it was no matter because I didn’t fully believe anyways, even though I had been having what I felt was past life memories and overlaps of what i felt was my most recent past life, for many years since childhood.
I sat down with Kareen and she asked me if I had any specific questions. I did not want to give any hints about who I was or what I thought and felt so I told her nothing and just said that I was curious about what was important about my past life experiences, what if anything was holding me back in this life? I was dressed like a normal city kid in my high top sneakers and skinny jeans wearing a vintage cowboy shirt with long sleeves covering my arms, scars and tattoos. I had no notable jewellery on that would have given anything about my interests or travels away.
We sat down and she asked me to hold my hands out. I did so and she held her hands above mine which radiated heat onto my hands like I had never felt before. She stared into my eyes and started to tell me she saw me as a woman dressed all in white, said I was a high priestess and then saw me running and then fall to my knees with blood coming from my stomach. She said I had been betrayed in the sisterhood and then went on with eyes wide with wonder to say she saw me as a man wearing the most magnificent armour she had ever seen and could not describe it as it was unlike anything she had ever seen and then she stopped what she was saying and with fear in her eyes started to tell me of what I went in there already knowing, because I remembered.
She started to tell me what I had tried to tell others I thought I remembered and had been attempted to be convinced by others of that I was crazy and past lives were not real. She started to describe how I had missed the rainbow revolution and had been drafted to Vietnam. She said I had been part of a group of soldiers that razed a village and then some men escaped and took me hostage and tortured me. She had tears in her eyes and looked as if she was watching a horror movie. She told me, (not knowing in real life that my arms were covered in scars from self abuse in my teens, beating myself up for my mistakes,) that these men had stabbed me and cut me and stuck bamboo sticks in my arms to punish me.
She stopped what she was saying and said from what she saw this was the first of any life that I had killed and enjoyed it and that I didn’t enjoy it because I was evil, but because I had lost my mind fighting for what I believed was truth and freedom only to
learn I had been manipulated into fighting a lie and killed many innocent people and because of it became distraught with grief and lost my mind and did some truly terrible things.
She told me she did not know how I could have possibly made it through this life with the
guilt she saw in my soul to be with her right now, and begged me to come have a full session with her. At first I thought maybe she was just psychic and perhaps reading my thoughts and trying to make money off of me so I refused. She took my hands and with tears in her eyes pleaded with me to come and said It was not about the money, that it was about divine intervention and that I needed this healing.
She did not know I had been struggling with PTSD effects again, as they had resurfaced after graduating college and having a sexual assault attempted on me, experiencing PTSD effects, not only from this life but from the overlap of things I saw and felt from Vietnam. She did not know anything about me as I went in there disguised looking to fool them into believing I was someone that I was not because I wanted the absolute truth and was looking to see if psychics and past life readers and such were real. What she told me was real and how even just this small introduction had changed my life was even more real.
So I agreed to go to her business called the Zen Garden the following week for this “past life regression/soul retrieval” which she assured me I would not be charged. The night before my regression, I was nervous and having a hard time falling asleep. I was tossing and turning and staring at the clock, worried I was going to be exhausted and want to cancel the meeting. I had just rolled over and was looking at the clock when suddenly it was like a dark cloud rolled into my bedroom and the hair on the back of my neck stood up.
I immediately turned to look and see what it was, thinking I was imagining things and my face was pushed and held into the pillow by what felt like strong man’s hands. I used all of my might and I could not pull up to get more than half a breath of air. I had been choked unconscious by my father as a child and know the difference between falling asleep and losing consciousness. I was losing consciousness and fighting for my life trying to pull up for air but unable to match the power of the strength opposing me and then suddenly, it was not a conscious thought, but the same guttural moan that happened in the desert with my medicine name, a voice boomed inside of me and into my heart and head,
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!
As immediately as the words were out of my gut, the weight holding me down released and i shot up out of bed gasping for air, waking up my sleeping partner in bed beside me. She was frantic saying what’s wrong what’s happening and in-between gasps the only words that could come out as I was broken and digging deep for air to regain
consciousness were, oh, my, God, oh, my God.
I told her what happened and she told me
it was just a dream and gave me a piece of amethyst crystal to hold and she fell back asleep. Half convinced it was just a dream and comforted by the stone, I fell asleep even though I knew it was not just a dream, I was not asleep, I was awake and had just rolled over huffing in frustration because I was so wide awake and wanted to be sleeping.
Regardless, I was able to fall asleep and woke in the morning feeling more assured this was what I was to do for my spiritual development.
When I arrived at Zen Garden, Kareen was there and said she had invited her coworker Marnie, because she said she knew it was going to be a tough regression and retrieval and trusted Marnie for support in this process. We went into the treatment room and they directed me to lay on the massage table. Kareen stood at my head not touching me and Marnie stood at my feet holding pressure points. Kareen held her hot hands under my neck not touching me and yet I could feel heat like an oven. Again I did not tell them details of my life and experiences and just trusted whatever would be would be.
The only thing I remember while laying there was, early in I had what felt like a lucid dream. I saw myself and two other soldiers creeping through tall grass in the middle of the night in a big open field and then it switched to first person view and I was seeing the scene out of my own two eyes. It was eerily quiet and did not feel right. Suddenly light and gunshots, explosions broke out into the sky and the ratta pat pat of bullets ricocheted past me and in turn, I turned to watch the solider to my right fall in battle as the bullets ripped through him and just as he fell, more machine gunshots rang out and I turned to watch the solider on my left fall in the same way as well. At that moment I closed my eyes, pulled the trigger and screamed, roaring maniacally shooting my machine gun and tossing my head back and forth spraying bullets and feeling anger like I had never felt rise up inside me. Then the "dream" was all over and after a time I got scared because I felt like I was floating above the table. I opened my eyes and felt the weight of my body come back and saw that I was safe.
Both Kareen and Marnie were there with their eyes closed doing whatever they were doing, standing at my head and feet. I closed my eyes again and did not have another vision/dream. When it was over I did not tell them what I saw, but they both told me what they saw and experienced. I do not remember every single detail but I remember most of it, the important parts at least, and this is what they told me.
Marnie told me the exact same story of the lucid dream I had, only she said, that was the moment you lost your mind. We shared that “vision” without speaking a word of it to each other until the end. She said the things I did in Vietnam were not me, not the true me in my soul, but a fragmented tortured confused me that didn’t know what to believe and became manipulated by fear and lies, sleep deprivation and severe trauma. Marnie told me she had removed a spiritual attachment from me and then laughed and said, "I don’t know how to explain this, please don’t take it wrong." She said she had removed a dark spiritual attachment and that this spiritual attachment was connected to my navel and root charkas and that part of it had manifested as a giant black penis attached to my root chakra. She said it was the root of all of my trauma and especially in times in the past where I would use drugs and alcohol, it would give this attachment power and that I would unconsciously put myself in situations to recreate my abuse and that because of it, I was directly living out self created, past life karma, creating it to atone for what my soul felt were my unforgivable, punishable sins.
She said that a strange thing was about me, that instead of having 2 normal spiritual roots coming out of my feet (one root from each foot that plants us energetically to the earth) that I actually had 4 spiritual roots, 2 roots coming out of each foot that were keeping me trapped in this past life overlap living out the karma I felt I deserved to suffer for. Kareen said I had not gone back to “Source” when I died and something had happened. I was not aware of the term “two-spirited” at this time but this term is used in various Indigenous cultures as well as is referred to in different spiritual insights as possibly being a situation where a discarnate soul attaches to another body that is already inhabited by the original
soul.
I have since wondered if this second soul with the ties to Vietnam War had become a sort of "lost soul" and attached to me as a child, being a pure and open light being as all children are. In some cultures there are special ceremonies of protection done to a
newborn child because of the openness of their energy fields which leaves them vulnerable. Some cultures believe that it is imperative the child stays with its parents and some even go so far as to not let the child leave their arms/protective barriers.
I have also since wondered if past life memories are not so much the soul having living multiple lives but possibly the brain’s way of interpreting what is pre encoded within our DNA due to the experiences of our ancestors that are written within our genetics and then passed onto to succeeding generations.
New research states that science has no explanations for what the majority of the
information encoded with our DNA is, and that our DNA is constantly being written to the bottom of our ladder like strands as we experience each day. These codes in our DNA act as journals of our lives and our ancestor’s life experiences and are then passed on to our children who are given the job of working out the ancestral karma written within the encoding of their bodies and therefore unfolding as life around them from the genetic root.
New physics is theorizing that the universe is infinitely unfolding and expanding and that our whole galaxy including the sun is "heliocentric" and is spiraling forward, just as our DNA is spiraling and being constantly
written.
New physics also theorizes that the codes within our DNA mirror the expanding universe and that all we are putting out energy wise (through thoughts/feelings which lead to action based on our beliefs) into the world, is feeding the vibrations of the expanding universe to unfold as it is. It seems highly possible that these things could be a logical scientific explanation for the multitude of past life memories and experiences shared by millions of people all over the world, experiences that have drawn multitudes into learning more of their family histories and the possibilities of these past life realities.
Marnie said she removed the black penis/dark spiritual attachment and herself and Kareen had then merged my 4 spiritual feet into 2. Kareen said that what she saw was in most of my lifetimes, I had been highly spiritual and that this was very rare for a person. She said that everyone has had a spiritual lifetime or a few but that I had very many including being a high priestess, and medicine woman and had been pure until that one and only life, never killing for anything other than righteous, just and noble cause as a part of spiritual contract to serving the light/doing what I had no other choice to do in order to survive or defend the weak and vulnerable.
They said that Vietnam had set me off track. Kareen then went on to say that she saw that in my first incarnation, I was an ancient Shaman. They told me there was something special about my DNA that was special, something they did not recognize or understand and had only seen in one other person and could not explain to me what it was all about. Kareen said something about blue blood and pure DNA but neither of them at that time knew more about it so those clues were the things I was given to make sense of everything that had happened until that point and now everything that has happened since then to bring my spiritual path and healing into understanding.
At the end of this debriefing, I told them my medicine story up until that point, how I had found and journied to the buffalo etc., as I had not shared any truth from my life and then Marnie, wide eyed in excitement said, “Oh my God, it’s you.”
I was confused, and said, “What do you mean?” She said, “I have something for you, a print my mother bought for me years ago from my favourite Indigenous artist, but when she gave it to me I knew that it wasn’t for me so I hid it away so that I would not get attached to it and be able to give it away when I met the right person.”
Marnie phoned her husband and he came and
brought this print, which
depicts a more detailed aspect of the White Buffalo Calf Woman story that I had not
heard or read before. The Print came with a parchment with a writing of part of the story where White Buffalo Calf Woman taught the Lakota the peace pipe ceremony.
It depicts someone in a tipi wearing a buffalo helmut with children sitting in a circle and White Buffalo Calf Woman is in the silhouettes of the trees to the right. On the left is the silhouette image of the four buffalo representing the 4 different colors of buffalo she transformed into before disappearing from the Lakota, leaving them with a promise that one day she would return and when she did it would be a new dawn in the ages of man, one of restoration and balance.I saw that person teaching in the tipi as like myself, as I had shared the story of White Buffalo Calf Woman so many times I’d lost count, and opened many people up to indigenous earth medicine because of it. It also appears as the small beings sitting in circle in the tipi are children, Early Childhood Education being the profession I chose.
These are photos of a Buffalo Sabres hockeyjersey (I am not a hockey fan) with a white buffalo, two crossed swords and the number 11 on theback that was given to me many years ago after one of the first times I told the story of how I found the White Buffalo Calf Woman Prophecies and started my medicine path.
These things over time as the pieces added up afters so many "coincidental" indivdual experiencings, starting to become clear signs that I am like a mascot for White Buffalo Calf Woman, sharing her story, telling the tales of her coming and inspiring belief in people of many walks of life to help prepare the way for her.
I see now as well, that I have been and am a true blue messenger of the good news of the future to come as this new age unfolds, standing as a testament to survival and learning to thrive. I am a testament to how one can be born into some of the worst kind of circumstances such as poverty, abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, violence, gangs, government oppression, suicide and very little worldly help and guidance AND with perseverance, determination, prayer, faith and open hearted unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness, ALL can overcome the biggest obstacles life can throw at them and rise above, like a phoenix from the ashes, to become their highest potential and fulfill their divine individual destinies.
I did not know what to fully think, only that everything they had told me had confirmed
many things in my life and gave me deeper understanding of the life that I had lived; The years of abuse, growing up with hell’s angels and parents ravaged by the demons of
addiction which led to every form of abuse under the sun by the people entrusted with my
care. I spent years trying to kill myself, cutting my arms to punish myself because I
blamed myself for all of my trauma because of what I was carrying in my soul and truly
after many serious and nearly successful attempts, the only thing that had kept me alive was the grace of Creator and countless answers to prayers in the form of being at the right places at the right times, being intuitively compelled towards certain spiritual and philosophical insights, meeting the right people to start to build a solid network of friends and support etc.
Despite the years of abusing drugs and alcohol and yes putting myself in dangerous
situations to recreate my abuse in order to punish myself for things in this life as well as something beyond this life, despite years of psychiatric hospitalizations in my teens and uncertain psychiatric diagnoses as a teenager, despite everything that put the odds against my survival, I was alive and well and clearer than ever, more deeply confirmed on my life path.
I didn’t really know what a Shaman was at that point, only had a vague idea but
it made a lot of sense and rather than attach to them saying *I* was a shaman in my first
incarnation, I considered it possible, but also wondered if maybe this first Shaman was a guide that came through at an early age questing in the forest and perhaps part of why I had been spared miraculously so many times, defying death itself over and over to make it where I am today.
Perhaps it was why in times of attack I had no fear, jumping on my father’s back as a
child, trying to stop him while he was possessed by the demons of addiction as he beat my mother. I considered if it was why as a 14 year old girl, I had the strength multiple times to fight off a room full of doctors, nurses and security guards because they were trying to force drugs on me, stick me with long sharp needles that made me sicker and behave in ways that were not in my control.
It did make sense in my soul as to why since childhood I had been drawn to talking to
animals, convinced I could feel their feelings and see their thoughts in their eyes and why I had been trying to heal with my hands, believing I could because of the feathers I would find and heal. It made sense why I felt energy in old rocks and old relics, why I felt safer and more at home in the forest with the cougars and bears than with my parents ravaged by addictions.
It made sense why I had even sat with a bear while he was eating berries for over half hour until he looked back at me and calmly walked away, It made sense why birds would come to me and butterflies and dragonflies land on me. It made sense why I would find dead animals and feel compelled without ever having been taught this behaviour, to say prayers for them, bury them in honouring rituals I made up, and sometimes secretly felt as if they wanted me to keep a piece of them with me. It made sense why I collected old bones and rocks and why as a child I had preferred to live in the tops of trees and in my Power’s Creek cave and my own self built forts than to live in the city with all of the cars and chaos and disconnected dead inside people. It made sense why at 11 years old, I used to have this form of communicating with my dead grandmother with a deck of playing cards and nobody believed me that I could but I saw that she gave me clear and obvious answers within the code I had developed within this deck.
SO many things made sense and tied together a life of questions with few who had answers to things that I had been doing with no conscious teaching and knowledge and had been shunned and forced to keep secret out of fear of being locked up as crazy. It made the things that had happened since I started a solid medicine path such as being given the walking stick with a clearly carved head in the top, to save a drowning dragonfly and why I’d been given messages from many animals I called spirits guides that helped me understand my personality and how to balance it to become healthy and whole, learning to understand myself and why I am here. It made a lot of things make a whole lot of sense but yet, it also left me with so many
questions and so much fear that again, I tried to go back to sleep a little bit longer.
What was the blue blood and special DNA all about? What was I supposed to do with my life and all of this information and how do I integrate it into living a life with non believers, skeptics and naysayers making crazy in this world? Even knowing all that I knew in my heart, how was I to stay sane in an insane world? Prayer and faith, was the only answer but how to balance this aspect of my Spiritual self and still try to live a normal life with a normal job in a so called “normal world?"
I tried to go back to my normal job and my normal relationship where my partner did not want anything to do with my spiritual understandings and deemed them a waste of time and energy. I succumbed, unsupported by anybody to be a real mentor and also afraid to awaken deeper because these truths, truly, are much stranger than fiction and hard to understanding or explain if a person has never experienced anything like them before, or if they have nobody to mentor them in the medicine ways that relate with these types of
experiences.
Many spiritual messages and understandings have come over the years and I have always needed the science and the history to prove it. I have found many solid sciences that explained the spiritual things I experienced, but still I needed even more proof and kept asking for signs. Even when prayers and miracles manifested right before my eyes, within months and sometimes days and hours, I still questioned it at times, ran from it and tried to suppress it. For a very long time, I only ever put small effort into learning these things and then when I was rejected, I went into hiding and put my spiritual learnings back into boxes and old suitcases where they collected dust in closets but then, over and over I was sent guides and messages to affirm the deeper spiritual truths that screamed louder and louder from every angle they could hit me.
And though the process was slow, it continued to happened progressively and now, is happening at even more of a rapid rate with daily synchronicity and mystical experiences with deepening spiritual understanding and affirmation. But you know, still sometimes I question. Is this life really happening or am I in a delusion, tripping out in a psych ward somewhere, dreaming a dream that I cannot escape from; Like the scary story most have heard, about a man who did too much bad LSD and now thinks he is an orange and has to be tied down because he tries to peel his own skin off. Is that me somewhere, hallucinating the life I am living now as some mystical fantasy escape from the horror of the reality I am actually in?
If it is, I am ok with that, as this delusion serves the unconditional love and light we are all spawned from as starseeds to become human children in this life and it has literally transformed my life from a waking nightmare, living hell, into heaven, through many, many miracles. This story serves the greater good, it serves all people who are trapped in spiritual lies and bondage and who need liberating to come into their own divine truth, purpose and path.
This is a good thing and I seek to teach and share in a good way for nothing but the greater good of all, especially the children. I do not want to see one more gifted child,
like I was, academically above all of my peers, learning to read by age three and already studying for college by grade 7, a child who dreamed of being a doctor misunderstood, and then shot out of the sky, locked up and medicated, tied down and beaten by doctors and nurses made to forget and deny their gifts because our western society does not know how and is not equipped to deal adequately with psychiatric affliction-especially in children- affliction which all stems from underlying spiritual psychosomatic roots, the roots that scholars and professionals of the likes of Gabor Mate, are proving can be healed with spiritual counsel.
People’s power, children’s unique gifts, are being suppressed and beautiful souls are being lost to time and history because the powers that be in this world, seem to seek to blind us from the greater truth that ALL may have spiritual liberation and come into the greatest gifts on this planet known to man- through the power of unconditional love, love
unconditional forgiveness.
Those powers know that one person can make an immense world of change, one person like Moses, Buddha, Yehshua, one person like Mother Theresa, one person like JFK, John Lennon, Martin Luther King, one person driven by deep spiritual faith, guidance and prayers can change the known face of this planet forever in one single lifetime.
Why would they not seek to control and oppress, they stand to lose everything by even just one person reading this story and coming to the light within their own heart of universal love and truth, one person that may see their own divine destiny and answer the call to bring healing and restoration to the planet.
The herd of buffalo prophesied is here in the Oregon Sanctuary and already exceeds the numbers foretold, which means, White Buffalo Calf Woman is here on earth. She may only be a small child or maybe she is already a grown woman, but I believe she will read this book and it will affirm her faith and she will be called to rise up.
There are many of us who will rise and gather with her, and this mission will change the face of the planet time and time over to restore the balance, unite the tribes and together we will be one to bring the prophesied healing and restoration that has been promised by the great prophets of every single religion in the history of man to come to pass.All these paths lead back to one, all these paths lead back to one Divine Source sparking creation, one ultimate unconditional love and one ultimate unconditional infinite holy light from which each child as a starseed is born. They lead back to One, ultimate, infinite kingdom of “Heaven” within the heart of the cosmos that we are all born out of and therefore back to the heart of the cosmos we all return to.White Buffalo Calf Woman, you are out there, you are out there even just in the divine feminine spirit that lives in and wants to come alive in all people. You are out there in every man, woman and child working to balance themselves and awaken into this new age. Rise up, rise up and take your place in the world. Show us your face, come back from space, the time is here and we are releasing our fear and walking in the ways of love. We are waiting for the rest of this story to unfold, waiting for you, preparing the place in the world where you may be holy received and respected, honoured as the Divine Mother, Sister and Child you are.It was said there would be a second coming of Christ, as have come many different Divines through the ages of known human evolution. Christ Consciousness is out there, Creator, please bring it back to us even deeper, let us embody it within our own flesh. 
In doing so, we prepare the rightful place of the Divine union of masculine and feminine upon this earth. Creator, thank you for this life, please fill us with the truth and wash the face of this planet clean of its mistakes so that we may rebuild anew as the old oppressive regimes lose power. Aho!This is my prayer, from my heart for the love of all children, all people, and all colors.
This prayer will see itself to fruition, as have all the prayers of my life. I Know and
believe, holy and completely. In the name of unconditional love love unconditional faith I
pray, AHO! Mitakuye Oyasin – we are all related.
In 2014, plagued by major physical illness, I was much so again trying to go back to sleep in-between massive shifts in awakening which seemed to happen every 3 years from 2000 onward. The shifts were so huge and understandings so clear and real, that they scared me back into trying to run from and suppress what I knew to be true because the more I grew to realize and understand the big picture, the greater it seemed my responsibility. Even though I have had many awakenings as we all have, recently l have been awoken into the truest understanding of why I am here and how and why I have been tied to these buffalo, the final pieces have fallen into place.
Last December I was ready to renounce my medicine name and the red road because I was feeling lost and felt I had hit a wall and wasn't getting anywhere. Stuck with no elders to teach me and clarify my intuitions, learnings and confusion and struggling to deal with my own people shunning and attacking my spiritual gifts as lies, heresy and/or witchcraft, hocus pocus hippy dippy pipe dreams, also not accepted by many indigenous people because I am white, feeling cast away from all sides and quite alone in terms of my spirituality. I was ready to abandon the red road forever.
I was about to give up and stop learning about earth medicine and indigenous spirituality and truly was losing hope and starting to consider giving up on life again. I was considering putting my legal name back on facebook and letting eagle child go altogether and then I received a friend request and an email out of the blue on Facebook; An email from Dean Lacroix, who called himself “Chief White Buffalo Man Many Feathers”, who I had not spoken to or seen since I met him at that solstice gathering in 2006 and ran away from because it was all just too crazy to believe and he said to me-
How did you get your name? (At the time I had facebook set as my medicine name Eaglechild Buffalospirit, to remind me not to forget this name and to look at it every day
and to figure out what it means)
In my mind I was thinking Holy Mother are you kidding me? He did not remember me from 2006. I told him it was a very long story too long for email and then he invited me to come share with him my story and in what he calls his white buffalo peace pipe ceremony with a pipe that came to him in a dream and he found on a mountain.
He asked me to come and receive blessing and healing. I was always in understanding that Chief Arvol was the only one with the white buffalo peace pipe and so I was skeptical about Dean, as he had also told me at that gathering in 2006 that his daughter on this earth was White Buffalo Calf Woman and the claim seemed so improbable and grandiose that I had never contacted him since the day I met him in 2006.
I had feelings that I should be aware because I did not know the truth. I only knew that at
this time I needed deep healing because I was struggling with my immune system shutting down due to a severe and chronic auto immune condition which had progressed to tumors in my lymphatic system and then this “Chief” suddenly appeared back in my life, so I was open to seeing what he had to offer, unsure if I was taking a risk.
In December 2014, on the winter solstice, I almost died the night before I was to meet
him because I slipped out of sobriety and then in helping the host at a party "clean up" at the end, I drank drinks that weren’t mine and then consumed the most very wrong drink, which caused me to feel things and be high and confused like I have never ever felt
before. I do not know what was in it but from my foggy memory and past experience, it
certainly was not just alcohol. I blacked out, wandered away from the house and was
arrested by police and put in city cells.
Apparently I hung myself in the cell with my own shirt, causing a seizure and when they came in I tried to grab one of their guns and told them I was going to shoot myself and then it took 12 officers to wrestle me back into the cell. At that point, I fell to the cell floor in convulsions and went unconscious again. They rushed me to hospital where I regained my faculties. Because of this which is not how I live and lead my life anymore, I feel and it was originally the suggestion of some other spiritual people, that it was another spiritual attack and attempt to keep me from meeting the Chief, as I was to meet him the next day and I did not because I was in the hospital and then needed to go home back to Kamloops.
So at that time I was unable to meet the Chief and was totally and completely ashamed of myself and I went back home and worked on healing myself more and totally recommitted to the red road I started in 2006; committing again to stay 100% true to and honour the teachings of my elders and the white buffalo including staying away from drugs and alcohol because for me it was obvious, it is poison. As well as this understanding, I remembered that at the healing I received in 2009 with the past life regressionists, I was warned to never get out of my mind on the substances ever again. I was told then that this type of behaviour opens us up to spiritual possession and attachment.
I did not obey this entirely and suffered several times in ways that nearly cost
me my life so this was a sign that the time to commit 100% was now or never, and if never, then die without ever finishing my life purpose. I focussed on this path of healing, built many medicine tools for myself out of the many things I had collected and been given since childhood like rocks, feathers, crystals, furs etc. and worked through the winter and spring to purify myself until I felt ready to receive what he called, “the blessing”, healing and baptism of Chief White Buffalo Man Many feathers and his “white buffalo calf woman peace pipe.”
This "pipe" which I have now seen and held in my hands, is an ancient mass of geode
rock naturally formed into the unmistakeable shape of a buffalo that the Chief said he found stashed in the mountains after it came to him in a dream. He says he hid it there in
another lifetime. When I held it in my hands I could feel the years it had passed through
and many hands that had held it before me.
I have never been able to feel vibration or
anything from crystals except once I got some weird feelings from a lemurian crystal. But
the only time I ever feel anything very tangible with things I touch, since I was a child, is when I touch very old things, especially types of metal, rock or wood and then to me they have a weight and density that does not fit their size and shape.
I feel this with normal crystals only when they haven't been "cleansed" in a long time and can feel release in the weight simply by running the stone under cold water. I have tested this with many other people as well, and many can clearly identify weight shift after running it under cold water. In those times, the items feel much heavier in my hands than they should and their color
and light appears dim and faded. After a rinse, the color is restored and the weight shifts, lighter. Not all people are able to feel this shift, many are blocked by skepticism and doubt and/or are not sensitive enough to detect it but the sensitivity of people is increasing, especially with new generations of children coming to this planet who have much more highly developed spiritual gifts.
This white buffalo shaped stone "pipe" carried by Chief White Buffalo Man, is filled with crystals inside and inside it even smells like the white buffalo sanctuary did when I was there in 2009. You do not smoke it but breathe through it and after multiple rounds of turning it 4 times in your hand, you make the sign of the cross as you are compelled, mind, body, soul, spirit, with it from your head to your heart and from shoulder to shoulder and upon completion, it apparently bestows upon the holder great healing and clarity of life purpose, past present and future.
The process was not described or explained before I went, but this is what I personally experienced with it as Dean Lacroix guided me. I have to admit I was terrified that this was a lie and would entrap me so before I went I set very clear spiritual boundaries that nothing that did not serve my highest good, had power over me and I called in all of my guides and angels to protect me if this was a trick to entrap me and take away my power.
I set it clear that no power could be taken from me and what I experienced, overall, seemed to be to my benefit, even if some of the understandings I have come to were because I disagreed with his teachings, those disagreements confirmed my own spiritual truth which I see is coyote tricks or like how a Heyoka works, telling you one thing but meaning in opposites, a type of smoke and mirrors, lessons through reversal- Lessons of the Heyoka.
Saturday, May 2nd, two days before my 34th birthday, I went to meet Chief White Buffalo
Man and to share as he has asked this story that I have just shared with you. He did not
message me that fated day because he knows me, he does not remember the day we met in 2006, but he messaged me last winter in my darkest hour, through what he says was divine guidance to help save me, a pure and worthy child as are all who come humble to Creator asking for forgiveness and willing to align free will to divine cause and service
to humankind; He came and said to resurrect me, a child of light, one of many, who was
ready to fall and fade away from the truth and this whole prophecy and my place in it, that is small, but as I see now, as important as one of many that binds us all together as we move into the golden age.
I am unsure of what to fully believe after my experiences with this man because some things he has taught me are good and others I do not agree with, such as telling me that two spirited people are imbalanced and wrong. (I am two spirited) He has also told me that Chief Arvol Looking Horse does not carry the true pipe and the he, himself, carries the true pipe, which is also a backwards teaching as I have been taught by many others including elders, that Chief Arvol Looking Horse is the 19th generation carrier and keeper of this pipe, guide and leader to the Lakota and Great peacemaker among peacemakers in the world.
Chief White Buffalo Man also told me his earth daughter is White Buffalo Calf Woman which I have been told by the keeper of the white buffalo, that this name is to be called by no one until the Lakota themselves recognize her and name her themselves. He also told me he is Chief White Buffalo Man Many Feathers but since then I have done research into the local band offices to confirm that if he is not Chief of those areas he claims by lineage or election. Dean told me he was named this at a sweat lodge by a drug and alcohol counsellor in Bella Coola named Bert Snow. So you see, so many confusions and contradictions which reminded me that in the summer of 2014, while building Tipis in the town of Wells, I was asked by an indigenous elder if I was on the red road. I told him yes and he said, "I have a warning for you."
He told me that there are many people that will want to be my teacher but to be aware. He said there are many "teachers" that are dark wolves in sheep's clothing and will gladly take you and teach you and share their medicines but not all "medicines" are good. He said that there are many women who have been taken advantage of by those not teaching and practicing in a good way, in a pure hearted way. He said, "Many will take advantage and try to use you for their own benefit."
Before the healing, driving in my car, I suddenly got this feeling that I should tell him that I did not want to be released of anything that wasn’t going to serve my highest good and then a car drove by in the middle of the day and flashed it’s headlights at me for no reason at the exact moment that I was thinking this thought. I wondered if I should just keep my mouth shut about it and not say it to his face in case he truly only meant good and healing things, but also I felt to set the spiritual boundary before I went, that no ceremony could harm me and at that time called in my guides into four directions.
I was not sure to trust or not but I will say that after my “healing” with him, the anxiety I had been struggling with again went away and my thoughts and speech had slowed but I
was also confused because for two hours afterwards my entire head ached and I was very grumpy for the whole rest of the day until I slept under the full moon that night, bathed in her light and then felt more refreshed in the morning.
And then, an interesting thing did happen for about two weeks afterwards, despite the conflicts in his teachings and my disagreements, it was like I was mezmerized and followed everything he said without question, ignoring the feelings inside me that told me a lot of the things he was trying to teach me did not feel right. He claimed to me that he was more than Chief Hiawatha and “Jesus” combined and despite me feeling this was coming from a place of overblown ego, I for a short time considered the possibility despite my gut feelings, almost as if I was in a stupor.
I had never followed blindly without putting people’s words and teachings to the test. In this situation I nearly blindly started to believe his words of accusing Chief Arvol Looking Horse as a liar, these words alone were the first to tell me to be warned. It took a couple weeks but I was able to start pulling away and connecting back to my own thoughts and feelings, seeing through the confusion an contradictions in these teachings.
Dean had been mentoring me in what he said were his grandfather’s teachings since December 2014 until the following spring of 2015 and had taken me under his wing as a spiritual student for no financial cost but I did not feel right about some of the teachings that have already shown me contradictions and types of coyote tricks.
The final decision for me that put a lot into perspective was a reading I did with my medicine card deck, asking my guides to show me who Chief White Buffalo Man really was. The cards that I drew randomly from the deck were first the 10 of pipes "Mockery" card which shows 10 peace pipes and a native man with alcohol bottles in his back pocket and in the book under the meaning of it what stood out for me was, "Tragedies of a subtler nature such as the one depicted in the 10 of Pipes, ate away at the foundations of the Native American Heritage." It also says, "a clash of values and an inability or unwillingness of one to see the virtue in the other." This clearly spoke to me of the dire nature of this "Chief" speaking poorly against well respected Chief Arvol Looking Horse.
The second card I drew, was "The Hosteen Coyote." In the book of this card it says, "The most well know trickster in Native American lore is the coyote." It says, "To be granted a wish by the Hosteen Coyote is at best dubious. Be careful in choosing the object of the wish, you are liable to get it- though not as you may have envisioned. In his right hand is fire, his gift to humanity to illuminate the way in the night and to light the pipe in his left hand. Keeping his Loki temperment in mind, it can be assumed that there is a hallucinogen in that pipe; therefore one's perspective may not be clearly focused. The legends of coyote are myths of cunning. They do not operate on the intellectual level, they use unconscious will." To me this brought my focus into true clarity. It explained why even though intellectually and in my heart I did not agree or feel some this man's words were right for me, for a short time I was nearly persuaded.
In conversation he was a man of few words, broken sentences saying very little but despite all of this, I almost believed him until the stupor was slowly lifted after weeks of my own study, prayers, drumming, dancing and meditation. It was almost as if perhaps partially in wanting this whole story and my small purpose in it to make sense right now, I became mesmerized with the possibility that maybe this man was the one. Afterall, he had just mystically reappeared after all these years right at a time that seemed crucial in my development.
But through this experience, I was able to see WHY throughout my life I had NEVER just blindly trusted any so called prophet, religion, philosopher, "healer" or otherwise without researching, cross referencing, praying, meditating and THEN attempting to apply their words to see how they worked for beneficial cause in my life. Trusting and following blindly is highly dangerous, can truly be catastrophic in one's life. How many wars were waged because of blind faith not seeking divine truth through research and application first?
Through my life, I most certainly did not, without all of these pieces and then proof through direct experience with positive results, just blindly start preeching a "teacher's" words and then furthermore, attempting to gain them followers, which was what happened with this man when shortly after my experience with him. I attempted to have him invited to do ceremony (which fell through, due to missed messages which was perhaps Divine intervention) at our Tribal May Long Weekend Gathering to do his ceremony with my friends/family without even considering the consequences of the fact that he was preeching things in my heart I did not even agree with.
I cannot even explain this behavior, and drawing back to the card, wonder what kind of "medicine" and intentions were used to contribute to my blind, childlike stupor or if it was just nieve, childlike awe and trust. Regardless of anything, it was a clear sign to be aware, use discernment and most of all, TRUST my own intuition and heart because the signs were all there and unlike any other point in my life when the signs were there, I did not listen to them and it led to deep consequence.
I have learned through this consequence be
careful trusting a coyote and do not take it at face value, as often like the Heyoka, they
teach in opposites, telling untruths to inspire inner change and digging deep within oneself to attach to our own inner truths and knowing.
I have learned to be prepared for possible consequences, as one must be very careful and specific about what they wish and ask for. I have learned from coyote tricks that yes, they can lead to wisdom and lessons through digging deep for the silver linings of the truth, but not always in a way that we expect or are looking for and not always without a consequential price to pay.
I am learning to see through the smoke and mirrors that are often used by these types to teach. He has told me many times that certain teachers, that are revered in the world and have proven their words through their works are false teachers and again, this makes me think of the mirrors that often those that go around pointing out faults in others are
actually only seeing the true faults in themselves and then illuminating that truth to us.
That being said, all teachers, the good bad and ugly are all beautiful and their teachings are valuable for many lessons but what is learned is based on our own ability to see, perceive and sift through words and experiences to find the truth that resonates and affirms our own inner truths. I am grateful for all the lessons of my life in the many forms they have come and though I seek to minimize harm and suffering, I do also see how my greatest sufferings have led to my deepest wisdoms and for every experience in this life I am grateful for the unique skill sets they have contributed to.
After this meditation with my guides, (White Buffalo of the North, Golden Eagle of the East, Blue Deer of the South and Black Bear of the West) and medicine cards, I addressed Chief White Buffaloman about the contradictions in his teachings and asked him how he became Chief and where he got his name. He told me he got it in a sweat lodge in Bella Coola with a man named Bert Snow but he did not address the issues regarding his bad words against Chief Arvol Looking Horse, leader of the Lakota people and 19th generation carrier of the White Buffalo Calf Woman Peace Pipe or the question of how his birth daughter could be White Buffalo Calf Woman as he claimed. I considered perhaps this was a spiritual development yet to come but also considered how in wanting these prophecies to be true perhaps i was reaching for pieces that did not adequately fit.
Not long after this in 2015, he defriended me on facebook without word or warning. I took this as a sign that my lessons were learned and it was time to move on and just as I have always done, take the best of what I had been shown, be grateful for it as valuable lessons, forgive the parts that caused hurt and confusion and then, and move on in unconditional love and faith, that in time, all truths will be illuminated and the path has already and will each day become clearer and clearer.
At this point in time i basically gathered my experiences and that was basically the last part of the catalyst point to jump start the fervent writing of this testament that came out moreso as couple weeks of cathartic purging and was not a linear laid out premeditated planned book/event. It has been an honest process of divine revelations through the mystical storm winds of change.
As far as i can see it at this point, We live in a day in age where the birds are falling from the sky, the fish are washing up
on the shore, the animals are going extinct, 40,000 children, who would otherwise have
infinite potentials and deep spiritual purpose in this life, die of starvation each and every single day. The oceans, air and earth are being polluted and destroyed by corporations with no souls or conscience about the destruction they are causing. We live in a world full of people who call themselves religious but have become spiritually void reciting these teachings blankly, ritualistically, not even following them in practice, having lost the true meaning and missing the point of the core teachings in their own holy books and even further more, a vast population of the world who has no conscious spiritual connection whatsoever.
It is a world where we share one Mother Earth, yet are divided by man made borders driven towards separatism and selfish individualistic view points to conquer, control and disconnect us not only from each other but from the spiritual core at the soul of our beings. We see the oceans heating up, the ice caps melting, earthquakes, tsunamis, wars, gangs, drugs, violence, mass chaos and destruction and yet many of us still slumber, unaware and/or ignoring the necessity for a great spiritual awakening. The chaos builds and theconsequences become greater, BUT is this enough to awaken us to the TRUTH that change must happen NOW inside each one of us? Is THIS the world we want for our children and their children's children?
We have just finished a 26,000 year Mayan cycle- the procession of the equinoxes, a cycle that theancients had knowledge of from the stars long before Nasa proved it in the last century
with their space stations and technology.
We are in the birthing pains of a new age, and just as every age has ended, there have been cataclysms to propel humankind towards a deeper awakening; cataclysms that so many CHILDREN over and over were lost to because humans refused to wake up and make the change necessary to evolve into the next age of evolution.This age, the 5th age is supposed to be one of restoration and balance- return of the Divine Feminine to reset the balance, as the polarity and power structures have been primarily dominated by the masculine patriarchal structures, putting women and their children under the boots to be viewed as weaker and less valuable.We can learn from history and see that this way does not work, that man and woman are two wings of a bird and without these wings, the children suffer century after century, millennium after millennium.Ancient prophecies from not only the Hopi and Lakota but from all major traditions around the world are coming to pass right before our eyes, yet many sleep and deny, blind to what is truly happening in the big picture. This new age, the golden age, is to be one of coming back into the spiritual, not primarily relying on our technology and intellectual knowledge but bringing it back to the heart and soul where the ultimate truth and wisdom of the cosmos lives within all of us.
This new age is to be one where each individual is finding and finds peace and balance within themselves, healing their wounds and making peace in their own lives, which in turn heals this planet.
It is to be one where the forces of technology are combined with the mysticism and magic of spirituality so that we may truly evolve into the higher beings we were created, genetically designed to be. Each one of us has been born into this time for a very specific purpose, each one equally magnificent and created by divine design, sent out of the heart of the cosmos into this world and birthed as starseeds to align with our highest path of evolution.
Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Where did we come from? Where do we go when we die? These questions have been asked by many since the beginning of time and as sure as the sun sets every day, the answers are all around us.
How many have yet to ask these questions,stumble blindly
without question seeing little purpose or meaning to life? How many work jobs that they hate, live with relationships that make them sick and stress them out, have children without a thought and then do not even love them as they need to be loved, deserve and love us in turn unconditionally, despite how we treat them, stripping them of their joy, trust, self esteems and innocence?
How many arestruggling in cities, disconnected from nature, living and feeding lives of chaos and destruction? These are all things which could be carefully considered by each person. These
considerations could be made in order to propel each of us towards destiny. We have choices in this life and many do not seem to be aligning their choices with their own higher good. This is a very clear root at the heart of many of the problems on this planet, problems which there are very clear and simple, easy solutions for.
feed the unfolding, expanding universe and therefore create miracles around us.
The answers are very simple yet as humans we are struggling with the longest journey of the one from the head back to the heart centre of crystalline, childlike unconditional love and forgiveness.
their way is the one and only way to “God” and that by exploring any other path was to condemn oneself to hell for eternity, yet in its own dark underbelly, as you as well can find through easy research, is marred by religious wars, genocides, child sexual abuse among other things and even deeper, sects are connected to dark ritual and have been responsible for much hatred murder in the world that is spread, through the lands in the name of a false "God".
This “God” was and is not the God of unconditional love love unconditional forgiveness that Yehshua, Buddha, Krishna, Mohammad etc. taught us of. The true God is not just one way or path but inside of our crystalline, childlike hearts. It is in everything, all seeing, all knowing and yet unknowable, everywhere all at once, past, present and future.
"God", (The Universe) is all loving and all forgiving, regardless of the paths we choose and truly in the end, all paths lead home. From stardust we are born and to stardust we return. This isn't to say that there are not consequences for what we do and say but these consequences are not punishments from "God" so much as the cyclical effects of the laws of the universe- cause and effect. Newton's third law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction; So in that sense, our "sins" and crimes are neutralized by the direct effect of physics and then eventually, as we awaken through consequence, we start to see that the words "you reap what you sow" are truly a metaphor to explain the primordial laws of the physics of this universe and that dictate how this dimension unfolds into reality.
This "God" of their church which was claimed to justify their murderous ways, is no "God", but a tiny powerless imp that operates and has power in this world only because we believe in evil, devils and demons and then feel fear and anger which feeds these dark energies in the world and propels us into creating living hells for ourselves right here in this life. Nobody's words have any more power over us than WE give it through our own perceptions, beliefs and actions. It's time to take back the power and liberate and empower ourselves into true freedom!
This imp claiming to be "God" is ruled by hatred and lies and the Catholic Church, among many lost churches of various religions, has much amends to make in the world for the destruction it contributed including the deaths of BILLION of CHILDREN, because of justifying its murderous ways by saying they were commanded by “God.”
I have seen in recent times how some of these amends have started to be made but the truth is really that much of the abuse and murder that has happened has more often, been ignored, justified and brushed under the carpet and still continues to happen today while the children of the world suffer and starve in the streets. It is time for amends, it is time for reconciliation and it is time for action to set things straight and illuminate the truth so that the children of the next 7 generations may see and know peace, so that this planet may heal and we may all become illuminated and awaken.
The truth of God is really, purely and divinely- Unconditional Love Love Unconditional Forgiveness and through this infinite power inside of us channelled from the heart of the cosmos which we ALL possess, with even just faith like a mustard seed in this power, we can move mountains, change the world and so SO much more.
This is a call for your own personal exploration and evolution into balancing science with spirituality, a call to just try it. A call to align your free will not to the false gods of lies, or the conditional "love" of this world of misinformation, but to GOD/UNCONDITIONAL LOVE LOVE UNCONDITIONAL FORGIVENESS at the heart of your heart, linked to the heart of the cosmos and expand the limited definitions of man with the unlimited potential of the universe to be ruled by true divine love and see how as the clay, the master potter will shape you and mold you and teach you how to be the very best higher being you can possibly be for your own personal evolution on this planet.
Whatever you have experienced or are experiencing in life, Unconditional Love and Forgiveness can purge the largest of your demons; “Demons” that many religious people over the years, since I was a young child told me chased me and sought to destroy me and wanted me dead to try to silence truth that is within me- that I now see is tied to YOU and these prophecies that are unfolding and ushering us into the golden age of balance and restoration that was promised by the prophets of every religion, so many moons ago.
I have come so close to death so many times I can't count and was saved by so many
miracles that I will not ever again deny that the unconditional love at the heart of the
universe is God. Love is the highest vibrational frequency known to man and THAT is what all children are and where all children as starseeds are born from. It is what we all have within us as our greatest power to fuel our own ability to create and be the change we want to see in this world. Unconditional Love Love Unconditional Forgiveness has saved me more times than I can even count. We can all learn personally fitted tools to keep them demons at bay by connecting to our inner child's unconditionally loving heart of gold. We can mend relations with friends, families, communities and even whole countries and change the face of this planet to become everything we every hoped and dreamed. It could be THAT easy.In conclusion I would like to say, I am here, whatever your question, whatever
your need, I will do my best to help. Infinite unconditional love love unconditional blessings to you friend and family and friends I have not met yet. I send you ultimate unconditional love and infinite blessings in my prayers. May your paths be guided by ultimate truth, ultimate love and ultimate peace,
Your childe of light and servant,
eagle childe buffalospirit
Ps. The name evolved from Child to Childe before this was all written because while I was involved with Deloria Many Grey Horses (Chief Phil Lane’s daughter) in Idle no more movements to bring awareness to the discrimination of indigenous people being forced to prove their legal names and having their facebook accounts shut down until they submitted government identification.
During this protest, my account was flagged and I was forced to change my name so I just changed Child to Childe hoping the change would be enough to allow me access back to my account. This process made me look at my medicine name even more deeply than ever before and I did not want to change it because it is me, and I wanted to see it every day to remind me to learn as much as possible about the teachings I am to learn.
I chose to change Child to Childe because my grandfather was a good and pure man, was
my only positive worldly male role model as a child and was of Welsh (old english) origins.
Childe is the olde English spelling of child so I felt it would not only honour my Grandfather but appease the corporation long enough to allow me access back to my account.
In the end this change did not last long as my account was flagged again and Facebook closed my account and held 10 years of contacts and writings hostage and forced me to submit government ID to prove my legal name in order to get it back, just as has been done to Deloria and many other people with legitimate names to disempower, distract and confuse them.
This is a whole other story and chapter regarding the oppressive tactics of government institutions and corporations to control and oppress us and strip us of our identities and also to keep track of what we are doing online which has also been proven and written about by many educated people, but anyways, the evolution in the end became solid to me because upon going online to research more on the meaning and history of the word Childe, I learned that this old English word was one not used anymore and that yes it meant the same as child but it was also originally tied to the knighthood, which has since faded from existence as we have come into a knew modern world of technology leaving many respected ancient traditions in the dust.
A “Childe” is a squire, someone in line for knighthood and I felt upon learning this that over my life I have evolved and as much as I will always be a child, I see now that I am so much more balanced and not just an immature, selfish, powerless, angry child that needs to balance myself and learn the ways of the good red road.
I have grown to understand what this path means, what being in service to humanity
means and being of service is what I want, have always wanted and why I have always chosen professions that serve and take care of other people. Giving to others and seeing even the small differences one can make in the lives of others, the smiles on their faces, their light returning to their souls, is the greatest gift life has to offer. When I later found that Childe is a word no longer even used, and it originally meant like a Squire- Someone in line to become a knight I recognized that I have always fought for women and children and the vulnerable who are bullied and oppressed and though I am no knight, and no better than anyone else, I have always admired knights and felt very deep connections to the knighthood since childhood.
Since childhood I had always been attracted to legend and deeply loved the shine of
swords and armour but not for the brutality and bloodshed, but for the righteous, just and noble origins of protecting the Queen, her princesses and the kingdom full of innocent people from suffering, imperialism and tyranny. I realized upon learning more of the root of this word that I am not just a child, but as I identify as an indigo child, that I feel to be a childe of light, a squire, truly a rainbow warrior as I have been called by many and in the past denied it in myself trying to be humble, but instead ended up not having faith in myself, not going for my dreams and diminishing my own light to put others on pedestals above me.
Being forced to change my name and assume one that is not even fully me- my legal name with a German last name that is not mine by blood, having caused me much racism being called a Nazi and being jumped and beaten as a youth for a name and history that has nothing to do with my own family.
Because of corporation and government control
putting its boot down on innocent people as they have done for thousands of years, my
inner squire made me stand up and speak out even more loudly for the oppressed during this particular protest and in turn I was stripped of my spiritual name and forced to submit all of my government ID in order to get my account back with 10yrs of photos, homemade videos and contacts, all for joining what in my heart felt to be righteous cause and as such, I am now carrying this evolved version of my medicine name with a deeper mission and level of integrit/honour and I feel that it is part of my calling, part of my truth, my lessons and my life path.
PPS. I know this all must sound pretty hard to believe. I have doubted it off and on the whole way too until weekend of my last birthday [this was originally written the weekend of my 34 birthday in May and posted to facebook on the 4th]. In some ways it's pretty hard even for me to believe even having experienced it myself. In some ways it’d be easier to explain if I had been on drugs while these things happened or had been diagnosed as crazy by doctors because the things which have happened are stranger than fiction.
I have no desire to do this for the purpose of self aggrandizement, we are all equals and I am of no more worth than anyone, not even the tiniest ant. Mine is purely the desire to
share my personal journey so that others may be encouraged to find their own personal
paths to spiritual freedom; not following me or my way but following their own ultimate
truth that lives at the core of every heart.
When this project makes money, it will be spent helping the suffering children of the world just as I dreamed when I was child suffering myself, yet cried tears for the ones starving in Africa.
So, this is truth of my life and core of my spiritual development that has taken a lifetime to unfold, finding small pieces which were only worth the small glimpse in the moments they happened in and were pieced into this bigger picture, now to make sense of the puzzle and great mysteries of life.
I swear by my heart and truth and promise it, on the honour of Mother's father, my Grandfather Ivor Charles Lewis, whom I love and respect above all earthly men on this planet, that this story is pure truth to the very best of my recollection and it’s purpose is to help in this great awakening happening on this planet at this time.
What you do with it now is up to you, there are many paths and in the end, they all lead
home.
On one final side note, as you are considering the legitimacy of this story, as I can imagine how hard to believe it may be, I will just add one other side note. I had been online recently looking at photos of the white buffalo that was born on my birthday May 4th 2008 on the website www.sacredworldpeacechurch.com/adoption.htm (which is not a specifically religious organization so much as it is one that honors and accepts all traditions based in peace and love) and I realized something interesting that I had not noticed before. On the original painting of the white buffalo calf that drew me to the story of White Buffalo Calf Woman that I acquired in 2003, in the right hand corner it is signed with the artist name “Thunder ‘96” and I had not noticed until just recently that the father of my birthday buffalo is named “Spirit Thunder”.
I find this to be not only intriguing, but yet another affirmation for me anyway, that this path has been here, calling me all along, begging me to see the signs within, compelling me to dig deeper for the truth so that I may share it, in hopes that others will dig deeper into the great mystery of life to find their own unique truths and calling as we are all truly, extensions of the divine.
So in a most final conclusion I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my story and I hope that you not only found it interesting but that it gave you hope that a new world is birthing and that our children will see the peace that our Grandfathers and Grandmothers, Brothers and Sisters and children have lost life and limb for, fighting wars for our "freedom". I hope you see that we don't need to fight wars anymore because we have the potential to evolve into our highest evolution and to harness the balance of science and spirituality in order to achieve our greatest destinies and heal this beautiful Mother Earth by rebuilding better systems to nurture and care for her people.
We are one planet, one humankind. We bleed one color of blood and cry one color of tears. We share the same sounds when we laugh and the same infinite light in our eyes when we smile. We are meant to enjoy life, to be happy, to work together and experience the incredible experiences of creation.
In this life, may you find ultimate peace and through the power of love, forgiveness in your heart to heal your deepest wounds, manifest your greatest miracles and move forward with hope and belief that together, we are birthing a new age in the history of mankind, one where children will not hunger and die in the streets and all people will learn how easy it is to minimize the suffering of themselves and others by opening their hearts to pure, true and divine, unconditional love.
Finally I would like to thank my family for the life I was given. It was not all a bowl of cherries BUT I see how every experience helped to shape me and mold me into who I am today and without these things I may not have the compassion, empathy, understanding, wisdom, determination, courage and faith that I do now because of everything I have endured, overcome and healed. The tale of the wounded healer is common and I would not trade my life for anything. I have watched you grow and learn and transform and become the greatest miracles in my entire life. Without this, I would not be me with faith like a mountain and have the hope in my heart that I do. I love you, unconditionally, across universes through all space and time.
Mitakuye Oyasin - all my relations, We are all related
Namaste - The Divine in me honors the Divine in you
INFINITE BLESSINGS
~story copyright Stephanie Zatzke 2015~
Rough cut home recording Demo
Rough cut home recording Demo
Just posted a fresh SoundCloud playlist last night entitled "De Obscurum", which is latin for "Out of the Dark" and sounds as obscure as my musical and poetic influences.
"De Obscurum" takes you on an abstract journey of my life experiences, mixing spoken word, gritty riffs and social/political rants to transmute experiences such as drug and alcohol addiction, abuse and heartbreak into creativity, healing and ultimately spiritual/emotional liberation.
It's a moody mixture of unfinished scratch demo home recordings I've done over the years and managed to salvage from the wreckage after my computer and electric guitar recently teamed up and decided they were going to stop working and end my ability to record my music.
So the universe has spoken..it is finished..for now.
To all those who've been asking me for years for a recorded CD here it is.. the songs are downloadable so feel free to burn to cd yourself. Hope you enjoy.
If you don't know what SoundCloud is..it's free and easy to use so turn off your top 40 overplayed radio and get with the times cos they are changing.
